Splitting finances

[MsChanandlerBoing]

A question for couples that split finances pro rata - how do you feel about that if you’re the partner contributing less?

I know logically that this is what makes most sense - it’s not fair for me to struggle to pay an equal amount and he has £££s left over each month. He agrees and has essentially said he’s happy with whatever split I want but I’m struggling with the thought of paying in less each month.
We don’t have kids yet and I have a niggling voice in the back of my mind saying that I’m sponging off him.

Can somebody talk some sense into me please?

Work it out in a % way, so you both put in 30% or whatever. Then you both know you are paying fairly according to your earnings.

The thing is, if you each live according to your own means, you'll have very different lifestyles, which is no fun for anyone. It makes much more sense for you both to be able to have the same holidays, meals out, and obviously pay the same bills. So you both benefit from him contributing more to that than you can afford.

I couldn’t do that. As the higher earner I felt bad when my now husband couldn’t afford to do the things I wanted to do.

Now we put our wages into our joint account and we both get the same ‘fun’ money out of it

DH works full time and I work part time. We have separate accounts and a joint account between us. We both put in a certain amount to this. He put more because he has a higher wage, but we worked it out by percentages.

Whatever is in our own accounts is our own money to do whatever we want with.

There's a phrase quoted on Mumsent all too often which really make grit my teeth: "All money is family money". No it fucking isn't!

I am the partner who contributes more in my marriage and I don’t resent even a penny of it. Only a real arsehole would prefer their partner has a worse quality of life than the for the sake of saving some disposable income.

We work it out so we have the same amount left over after bills so:

A earns £2000
B earns £1600

Bill are £1400

A pays £900
B pays £500

Both have £1100 left each month

Made up amounts but we use the same principle and it’s fair.

I earn more than my dp. We both end up with the same amount of spending money each month as we put our money into joint account to cover bills, food etc and keep our spending money in our own personal accounts. Anything additional goes into a savings account.

So for example if I earn £3k pm I'll keep 1k in my personal account and transfer £2k to joint account. My dp earns £2k pm he'll transfer £1k to joint account and keep £1k in his personal account. Anything leftover in the joint account after bills, food etc goes into savings account

Prior to kids we earned near identical salary. Since having kids and I went on mat leave then part time we pool money and split the surplus.

It felt a bit odd but not for long - it’s more important that you both have the same quality of life.

Thank you so much for your replies!

I like some of your set ups more than what I had planned - particularly Croprotationinthe14thcentury. Even though individual contribution will be unequal it seems most fair in that each person gets the same amount personal money and savings money.

That’s my partners point - he just wants us both to have a good quality of life and for me to to be comfortable with our set up. I think I’ll eventually get over it but I just wish I could earn more money! 😂

Yes I personally find having the same amount of spending money is the fairest way to do things. When I was not working for a year after my mat leave ended my dp's wages paid for everything and we split what was leftover. Now he is earning less and I earn more so I pay more towards the bills. However after he has finished part time studying he has the potential to outearn me by 3x so it's swings and roundabouts.