To think D'H should not have worked today?

[Poorlymummy]

So DH is self employed and is a delivery driver. He just logs on to one of those apps, and the orders starts coming in. I felt ill yesterday, felt like I had the flu and it got worse today, so texted DH if he could come and help me with the kids as I had a headache and sore throat, he texted me saying he’s working and will text me later to let me know. As he never got back to me, I called him and he said he’s just booked to deliver another order but is having a coffee with a friend at the moment, so won’t be able to come. AIBU to think he knew from the beginning he wouldn’t come? This happens all the time, he leaves me hanging then cancels last minute. I didn’t really wanna argue in front of his friend as he started to get a bit shouty, so I said I’d text him and hanged up. He then says not to bother texting him and I was rude for hanging up, so after a couple of more texts in desperation I called him a few times and he refused to pick up. I just feel like he’s never there for me when I’m ill or need you, I feel like I can never rely on him for anything. My family is up north, if he tells me he’s gonna be there at 2pm, I know in my heart he won’t be there at 2pm. If I’m poorly I know I’m on my own with the kids, and he won’t help. I love him and other parts of our marriage is good, but he’s just so bloody unreliable. And he shuts me off every time we have a disagreement and makes me feel like the bad one. AIBU to think he should have came home today and not worked? I just feel like since he’s doing this delivery job, and working for himself he can be more flexible. But he’s acting like his life depends on it and he has no choice. AIBU to also think that if you really loved someone you wouldn’t be able to ignore their calls and shut them off? I don’t know if I’m BU or overreacting?

So - he is a low wage worker in the gig economy? No sick pay. no paid holidays?

Flu is pretty debilitating in my opinion and my husband would absolutely stay home to watch the kids if I had flu. I wouldn't even need to ask.

The OP hasn't got flu. She said it felt like she had flu. You don't recover from flu enough to post on mumsnet in a few hours.

Don't be ridiculous Clockwatchers. Just because you can't work a phone with flu doesn't mean nobody else can. I did it recently and the doctor diagnosed flu so it's clearly possible.

I would not expect or ask DH to stay off work if I had a sore throat and a headache. I’d only ask him to stay off if I had something like flu or d&v

I always found people expected me to easily take time off work as self employed whereas when I was employed under an organisation they'd never dream of asking. The difference was that when I was employed under an organisation I had 28 or so annual leave days, plus bank holidays, plus all kinds of other things. I don't think it's fair to ask people to take time off work. Say you work 20 days a month, you take one day off, that's 5% of your income. Some days (better days) may be more like 10%. Maybe he's aiming to do a set amount of days, would have to do 6 in a row to make up for the one off and doesn't feel up to doing that. I don't think your issue is with regard to work, it's his attitude towards you but please understand it can be more difficult to take time off when self employed. I think it's sometimes viewed as a lesser job.

That's not everyone Clockwatchers I was getting cancer treatment and post lumpectomy on three kinds of Rx pain medications and able to post on MN. Some people can.
OP you're prolly exhausted and run down and your husband is uncaring and unreliable and unsympathetic despite what previous posters have written here. I'd have a stern word with your DH when he comes in and if he takes it on board I'd work with him to see if he will change if not then I'd rethink the relationship

not that old "it's not the flu" nonsense. Unless you have a test result from the OP in your hands, you don't know. Some people having the luxury to stay in bed for weeks doesn't mean others have the same..

Anyway, BU to expect another adult to not work when you can perfectly handle the kids.
Not BU at all to be unimpressed that he can go for coffee with a mate instead of helping!

I've been ill many times and I've never asked my husband to have the day off work. He would be disciplined and lose money if he did that often. I think it's just a case of getting on with it. The only exception would be if I were in hospital. Sorry but i think YABU.

Sounds like he was a bit of a selfish, uncaring dick to you today - especially taking time out for a leisurely coffee & cutting off your calls BUT, to be honest, I wouldn't have expected my husband to drop everything & rush home from work because I had a headache & a sore throat. Unless you're physically incapacitated in some way, you kind of need to just suck it up & get on with it, really.