DM and childcare

[citrine10]

My mother is already stressing me out about childcare after my maternity leave, and i think she is BU.

I will return to work full time (5 days a week) My MIL has offered to have DD 1 day a week, which is great as I want them to have a close relationship.

My mum wants to have DD the other 4 days. I think this is too much and said I would be happier with 2, and 2 days at nursery. My DM and DF live with us.

My DM reacted very badly when I mentioned nursery, saying how terrible she thinks it is for a child to go before 1 year of age. I don't think this is true, but maybe I am wrong? I think 4 days is far too much hard work - they aren't retired and work p/t, but could look after the baby outside their working hours.

I want to hold firm, but I also feel ungrateful. I trust my mum 100% but feel this is the start of disregarding my decisions as a mother, which makes me uncomfortable. WWYD?

I don`t know why your folks are living with you, but to be seen as proper grown up, maybe its time to live on your own?

There are all sorts of compromises you can look at.

1 day with each set of Grandparents and 3 at Nursery.
Maybe 1/2 days at Nursery and 1/2 days with your parents
Maybe say - Thank you, that would really help us financially for 6 months but after that we will use a Nursery (or until 1st birthday or whatever time limit you want to put on it).

I don't think Full time, forever is a good plan, but, I don't know your parents.

I'm most definitely a proper grown up thanks. Part of being a grown up is taking responsibility for your family when needed. I have lived on my own for many years but the best solution now is to live together. They have their own separate living areas to us but we're technically part of the same house.

Constantlurker how did they take it, when you changed the arrangement?

Depends if the grandparents are seeing it as a job or a favour. It can be a bloody nightmare if you get grandparents that don’t think the whole thing through, and then a few months in you start getting “I’ve got to go to the gp so won’t be able to come over on Thursday” or “we’re away the first week in June so just telling you so you can make other arrangements” - like what??? Random person off the street? So of course you end up pissing off your employer with last minute annual leave / wasting all your annual leave covering the grandparent needs (the trade off being the cost saving on nursery fees).

It wasn’t for me. Paying a nursery was far more straightforward and reliable and can’t say I see any difference between the DS’s for it.

10 hours with a baby/toddler/preschooler is soul destroying... and I love mine with every atom!

What about 1/2 days. Mornings at nursery and grandparents do the pick up and babysit for 3-4 hours.

My young MIL would have the kids with her DH. They were absolutely wiped out by it. In bed at the same time as the kids.