.. with how I'm handling DD(4) constantly weeing herself?

[Eminen]

DD has recently turned 4. She has been successfully (until recently) potty trained since she was 2 years and 2 months old - including through the night. She's obviously had the odd accident - no problem.
However, over the last several weeks, she seems to constantly be weeing in her knickers. At first I suspected a urine infection however that was not the case. I can tell when she needs a wee as she starts prancing around, however she then proceeds to hold it in for as long as possible until she starts to go in her knickers. It's never a full bladder full but it's enough to make them wet and smelly. I'm at my wits end. I've tried ignoring it, being calm and 'it's okay' about it, being angry about it (not my finest moments), I just honestly don't know what to do about it, it's really stressing me out now. I was hoping it was just a phase, but I see no end in sight!
Any advice would be gratefully received!

As soon as she prancing around take her to toilet and make her sit there until she has a wee. Perhaps a small daily reward if she has dry knickers. We have show box full of cheap things like tattoos, stickers, gel pens, glitter pens etc and kids can pick one thing a day. Then when shes dry increase it to two days etc

Ah yes. The period when they get bored of being potty-trained and regress. My advice is either to send her to the loo (if she'llgo) but any residence and back right off. Downplay it totally. Act bored. She has an accident she has to sort herself out and put her wet knickers in a preprepared bucket to soak and you ignore, ignore, ignore. React at all, get cross, try a reward scheme, and you'll have a big negative attention seeking thing on your hands been there, done that, got the t-shirt

We are getting through this just now too (caused by having a new sibling here) by having regular non-negotiable toilet trips. We have an ensuite and a family bathroom so 'who can do a wee first, Mummy or DD?' is my go to technique for the at home ones.
Before we go downstairs for breakfast
At preschool before they open the door to the classroom
When we get home from preschool
Before dinner
Before bed
It took a few days to get into the swing of it but she's now back to accident free.

We had this briefly at about the same age. I also found the best approach was to be utterly bored and unconcerned, leave her to it and tell her to sort herself out. She got tired of it in the end - less effort to go to the toilet than to clean up the aftermath!

Surely you’d take her to the lavatory regularly and as soon as you see wiggling?

We have just had this stage (I even made a thread about it). What finally worked was my mum gave her the idea to have a special phrase to use when she needed to go to the toilet. So instead of saying "I need a wee" she would say "nori nori sheep" (I can't remember where that came from). But it worked. So we would ask "do you need nori nori sheep?" and it seemed to take the pressure off and she would go.

Could she be worried about something?

I also wondered whether she might be worrying about something. Is she starting school in September? Could it be that?

As ^ said, if she is starting school this year she could be worrrying about that.

My DS(4) nursery say they frequently see many changes in those children due to start school - wetting themselves, sleeping disrupted, and other behaviours like not listening, naughtiness that is out of character etc.

My DD was exactly the same, always had wet knickers. It went on until she was 6 maybe even occasionally later. There were no obvious reasons. It became less frequent, then stopped completely. She's had no issues at all with bladder problems and is now 20yo and studying medicine.

It's very frustrating but not worrying if any medical issue has been disguarded.

Oh god. I’m watching as I’m still having troubles with my 4 yo dd who some days refuses to use the loo despite having been trained since 2.5. I haven’t figured out how to handle it but yes ive also been cross and felt guilty afterwards. I’m worrying about school and wondering at what point you take them to the doctor, as this has been going on ages for us, I suspect no physical problem though.

When DS went through a similar thing at a similar age (having also been potty trained at 2yrs 1month), I started getting him to take a big chunk of time out from playing etc to sort himself out. So asking him to put wet pants in the washing machine, then back to bathroom for a quick shower (not strictly necessary but it was me making a point of the fact that wetting himself was more disruption than stopping play to go fir a wee in the first place). He soon stopped.

What happens when she's wet? Do you go with her and change her? Do you mention it or does she? Does she get 1:1 time with you?

When my ds went through this stage as last resort I ignored. Wet pants and trousers weren't even noted. Eventually he'd tell me they were wet and answer was "change the. And put wet stuff in wash basket" and I'd then not engage further.

But I think the answer in these situations lies in the cause of the behaviour as behaviour is a form of communication.

I have had this with my daughter, exactly the same. I am at my wits end, its soul destroying. My daughter is 3 and it's been happening for 7 months. I took her the doctor and he suggested I should have counselling and there is nothing wrong with her, saw I have a baby and that was it, its cos of the baby. he also said not to give her fluids after 5, how that will help with a child pissing herself all day long I dont know!
Anyway, I dont have an answer for you just i know how you're feeling... it is shit.

Does she have any other symptoms like drinking lots, tired or losing weight?

I am going through similar with my nearly 4 yo. Most success has been rewards for going to "try" when asked - started with just in case before journeys but now use it with the wee dance too!

I wouldn't have a big reaction to accidents but teach her to sort it out herself. So she needs to put her knickers in the laundry and go get a clean pair.
If she can be convinced I'd also encourage her to go at regular intervals (e.g. before leaving the house, on arriving home etc).

We had similar, once the novelty of taking herself off to the loo wore off, and became less appealing than carrying on playing.

I approached it pretty similarly to concerned, didn't show any irritation, but made sure the procedure of changing clothes, washing etc took far longer than a quick wee on the loo. I would casually mention just once something along the lines of 'what a shame you had to stop playing for such a long time, to get changed and washed'.

The penny soon dropped.

But yes, also made going to the loo before meals, going out etc non-negotiable.

Is she constipated? It's one of the first things that happens when DD2 starts to get blocked up again is that we get a constant stream of piddled on knickers.

Thank you all for the advice and experiences. It really does help knowing that others have been in this situation.
The usual routine when this happens is, when she eventually goes for a wee, I follow and check her knickers. If they're wet, i then get her to undress and shower her down (not always necessary but my attempt to show her that it would have just been easier to go straight away) then I ask her to find a change of clothes and get dressed. This doesn't bother her in the slightest! She is an incredibly stubborn and headstrong child, traits she gets from me so we are at loggerheads at times.
We had a day out yesterday and she was completely dry all day. No problems at all. This issue seems to just occur at home.
She may be worried about school, I hadn't thought of that. This is the only potential change in her life. Although she seems very excited about school and asks most days when she gets to go.
I think going forward, I will attempt the 'boring' strategy.
The whole situation stresses me out, which I'm sure she is aware of. So if I can control my emotions, then hopefully we can master this together!
Thank you all again.

I am with most pp. My dd did this around age 4 just before she started school. She wasn't worried about school in fact just the opposite she couldn't wait to start as the neighbours on both sides were a bit older than her and were already there and she was desperate to join them.

She would just rather play than go to the toilet so would hang on to the last minute and not make it in time. It took a few months but it passed. I didnt make a big deal out of it and just sent her upstairs to sort herself out.

Just take her to the toilet. Why are you standing by and watching it unfold bring her attention back in to the room. How bizarre.

Does she not want to miss things while she's in the toilet? I would start building in little "toilet breaks" as in go now before we start this new fun thing etc. One of my nieces also had this issue and her mum used to get everyone to "pause" while she ran off the the loo (they would freeze in position until she got back :o)

'Just take her to the toilet'. Yes obviously, this has been tried. I drag her kicking and screaming to the bathroom, wrestle her onto the toilet and she refuses to go. So yes, very 'bizarre'