I'm a long time MNetter of many years but have nc'd for this as it's a very private and sensitive issue.
I've been wondering about posting about it for a very long time as I don't know what to do - I don't know whether it's something to forget about, or whether I should do something because I have concerns about my first bf's behaviour, but I have no evidence to go to the police with and don't know anyone who knows him.
When I was 15 I met a guy who was 22 through a chat room (back in the day when they really were just full of weirdos). He wrote me letters and sent me presents, which at the time I found very flattering but looking back were disturbing and creepy, stuff about wanting a future with me before he'd even met me and really dark twisted stuff which was along the line of glorifying morbid thoughts about death and suggestions about him killing himself if he ever lost me.
I know now that I should have run a fucking mile, but I didn't. I started seeing him, when i unwittingly mentioned him to my parents, thinking they would be fine with it, they of course banned me from talking to him on the grounds of his age, lack of job prospects (he said he was terminally ill and was on the equivalent of ESA at the time) and they thought he must be a predator. I lied to them and told them I was going to see friends and kept on seeing him.
He was like a baptism of fire into the world of coercive and controlling behaviour - no one had heard of it back then and I stupidly interpreted it as "love" - this screwed up my idea of what normal relationships were, but I've long since worked through those issues. He claimed he was dying (he wasn't, he had medium sort of level Crohn's disease and had somehow talked a doctor into giving him a repeat prescription for weekly large bottles of oramorph). He would claim he was about to die or to kill himself to get me to come running at a moments notice or whenever he sensed I was pulling away. He was absolutely paranoid I was cheating on him and went to great lengths to try to catch me out. I was with him from being 15-17, when I was nearly 18 I started to meet more lads my own age and had finally started to realise he was just manipulative, not terminally ill or suicidal and dumped him.
The bit that I am really asking about here and I find disturbing is his interest in young girls (like me at the time) and potentially since. He had no friends whatsoever and lived in a really squalid house with his parents so I suppose he just completely latched onto me. He knew how old I was and whilst I wasn't underage when I first slept with him (he seemed to have some sort of ED problems - possibly because of his medication), he insisted on taking very compromising pictures of me when I was 16 and 17, wearing school outfits and the sort of stuff you get in sex shops. I'm really ashamed to be explaining this looking back, but at the time I was flattered he seemed to think I was so attractive and grown up. He was really into manga stuff and had lots of DVDs and figurines of what look like very young girls, often in school outfits with stupidly big boobs with rope all over them. Looking back I find that vile, but he dismissed it as a style of art and "cute." I don't want to make anyone here feel uncomfortable with the graphic details, but in terms of sexual stuff he was into, again, looking back, it was at the twisted and disturbing end of the scale. Just the kind of thing that a lot of people would be uncomfortable with and made more disturbing by how young I was at the time.
If you've got this far, thank you for reading. I want to be clear that I'm not traumatised by what happened to me in an I need counselling kind of way, what I am worried about is that he's a predator and I dread to think what he's been doing for the last 15 or so years. I know he's still alive because I found his name through the electoral role thing and he seems to be living in the same house, with his parents. I've googled to see if he's been in the news for anything, but I haven't found anything and I have no idea how you'd find out if someone had made their way onto the sex offenders register. He's very into computers and quite computer savvy (he hacked into my emails to try and mess up my uni applications at the time), so I find myself wondering if he's got a secret stash of vile material of me and potentially other girls, or he's trawling the internet for young girls to get involved with.
I strongly suspect the police wouldn't be that interested, but I've had this uneasy feeling for a long time that I ought to do something about it.
I'd be really grateful to hear anyone's views on what I should or can do.