To say something, but what?

[Hanumantelpiece]

My neighbours are generally very nice, but they do argue. It never gets violent but I am beginning to wonder about her mental health.
They have a DC who often has temper tantrums, but that is not unusual for their age.
This morning I have heard little bouts of screaming - frustrated, tantrum sounds and assumed it was the child. Then I heard shouting and sobbing - it is the woman.
Her partner has said something that has upset her. She is screaming and screeching ; he is talking in calm & measured tones. Don't know where DC is, but usually with GPs on Saturday morning.

I've met woman next door several times and she's always been fine with me, and very calm when DC is tantrumming. Man next door very pleasant, a bit disorganised, and works away for stretches of time. She has fairly recently had a drastic change to her employment (she told me this), and has had a bereavement (she told me this too).
But the screaming this morning, that sounded like a loss of control.
It's quietened down since I started this post but I am rather concerned. They must realise we can hear them.
I don't want to get involved in an argument but she sounds as though she really needs help. Given how out of control she sounded I'm worried that a) she might actually physically attack him or b) lose control when alone with their child.

Can you invite her round for a cuppa and gently ask if she is ok, if she's already confiding in you she might open up a bit more?

Are you OK? Only, I thought I heard something this morning... [expect denial and minimising] Well, I know you've been having a rough time recently. If you ever want to talk, just pop round for a cup of tea.

I think those are quite big jumps to think she’d be violent.
It sounds like she has a lot of stress happening and is having a hard time; I’d either invite her round as pp said or gently ask her husband if she’s ok.

Or maybe have a quiet word with the DH, and ask if there's anything you can do to help.

When the noise started earlier, there was some banging/crashing. I initially thought that they were doing some DIY and it was upsetting the child, hence the screaming.
It had been going on about 20 mins on and off when I posted.

@regansomerset

Exactly what I was going to post!

What if the DH is being abusive to her? Abusers can be calm and collected. My point is you can't really tell what is going on so talking to her DH or her could make it worse for the other.

Its hard when you don't know the full situation as you're not friends, only neighbour's.
E.g. a lot of what you've said above could apply to my family, my ds can have meltdowns, 99% of the time i can remain calm and diffuse the situation, my dp works away and it generally is easier to manage the situation when he isn't there.
My child has autism but do my neighbours know that? No... friends are aware but not neighbour's.
It could have been that the child started getting upset, could have broke something and the mother who is usually calm and collected snapped for once.
You're not really in a situation where you can ask, but I agree with the above saying to ask her how things are going and let her know you're free for a cup of tea if ever she wants to chat.

I’m wondering if you’re my neighbour, although I am 39 weeks pregnant which I guess you would’ve mentioned 🙈

I wouldn’t say anything tbh. I would be really embarrassed and defensive if my neighbour did this. There also isn’t really a practical way you can help- I’m sure she knows she can see her GP etc. But at stressful times, this is what happens to people/ families. It’s a normal reaction

Her partner has said something that has upset her. She is screaming and screeching ; he is talking in calm & measured tones.

This could be me! DH never shouts and hates arguing but when I'm angry (which is not very often I hasten to add) his calmness infuriates me even more and I have been known to screech 😳. Sometimes he says, calmly, "calm down the neighbours can hear you" but my response to that is usually "I don't care if the whole effing world can hear me"

If it was really bad then I would call the police. The NDN would then realise you can hear them and maybe keep their noise down in arguments. The police would have it on record as being called to a disturbance if there turned out to be an abusive situation.

If she's upset and stressed due to bereavement and her job changes then she may have lost her temper during 'words' with her DH. It doesn't necessarily mean a mental breakdown just because she is screeching and sobbing. More likely that her emotional outpouring could prevent her having a clinical mental breakdown.

Or you could just bang on the wall and shout 'shat it'.

I've been out, but it's been quiet for ages so I don't think anyone's in now.

When I said 'screaming' this morning, I didn't mean shouting at him, I meant screaming as in "Aaarrrrggggghhh!"

Not meaning to drip feed but this is not the first time she's shouted at him. Around every three weeks or so I hear her telling him he's "Fucking useless, you never fucking listen to me." or "Just leave me alone, you have no idea of what to fucking do."

I've never heard her just screaming in temper before.

I'd leave it, 'quiet words' and 'cuppas' never go down well with such people.

I once heard my neighbours arguing. The woman, who had gone through an extremely tough couple of years, was sticking her fingers in her ears, saying 'I cant hear you' over and over again, while her, frankly baffled, partner tried to reason with her about something.
If you don't suspect abuse, I would say nothing, but I would try to be available should she need a friend.