Twins and birthday invites

[Rhayader]

We are at the age where the whole class gets invited to birthday parties. DD is having a party this weekend and yesterday I received a text from one of the mums asking whether she could bring her other child who is in a different class (she RSVPd a while ago for the child in DDs class as I needed to confirm numbers with the venue around 2 weeks ago). The party is at full capacity, so it isn’t possible to add an extra child without significant expense so I said no. The party is activity party where adding an extra child would mean entering another price bracket so we are talking around £100 extra, not small change at all!

I don’t want to drip feed so a few other details: the child in DDs class is not one of her best friends and we had a few kids RSVP no who I filled their slots with other friends, so if she had contacted me earlier I would have been able to accommodate her other child.

WIBU to not invite both twins?

They are separate people and that's really important.

However as the Mum is asking, maybe they could come if there's a cancellation?

Another twin mum here. It was never a problem for us if only one twin was invited. I always took the opportunity to take the other twin into town or to the park so they had a bit of a treat without their sibling too. Once or twice the mother was mortified when she later discovered there was a twin (they were in separate classes), but twins have to learn that life isn't always fair. There was once a party where it was a house party about half an hour's drive away so parents were expected to stay for the duration, and on that occasion I simply explained the situation to the mum because I couldn't stay at the party unless the twin stayed with me.

Thanks all. I’m feeling a bit less guilty now!

YANBU twins don't have to do everything together. If their mum has raised them with that expectation then that's her issue. Stick to your guns even if she shows up with them.

If I knew there was a twin, I would have invited them, but we’ve got twins all over our family so it’s just something I’d do automatically.

But, if it were important, the mum should have spoken to you about it much sooner.

Yanbu at all.
If the parent has no childcare then either they ask if they can drop and run and go and do something nice with the other twin or you leave the other twin with someone. Other than that you don't go.

You don't invite multiples who aren't even in the same class who they might not even be friends with just because they are twins unless they are very very small nursery or reception age unless you have room for everyone anyway.

If someone drops out sure but otherwise Mum just makes the decision whether the invited twin can come or whether she doesn't have childcare.

I 've twins in separate classes too and like the others I wouldn't dream of bringing the non invited child along. it was a bit rough when they started school and didn't understand but they were fine once they got used to it. I normally use the opportunity to spend time alone with the non invited child and do something of their choosing.
however more recently I 've noticed both get invited, in school they "bridge" the 2 classes and share friends from both.
I always give 2 presents or decent cash...I know parties are expensive.

Why would you invite the twin? They aren’t friends and even if they look the same I don’t get it. Am I missing something?!

I have twins, would never ask this and my children have gone to different parties since reception. Just say no.

No, we have twins. We never expected both of them to be invited to parties, where the birthday child did not know the other twin in a different class.

The thinking in Tamba and twins clubs at that time was to try and treat twins as two individuals, and make their lives like those of ordinary siblings - otherwise, there is a risk they can be enmeshed as adults, and not develop their own lives and relationships.