To hate being a SAHM

[ohforfoxsakenotagain]

So it was never really my intentions of becoming a SAHM.

When DS1 was born, I went to work full time and I resented it so much. I felt I was missing out, that it was ridiculous to pay such extortionate child care and I begrudged going.

Fast forward and I was made redundant just as I had found out I was pregnant but hadn't told them yet and I am now a SAHM to DS and DD. And I utterly hate it. It's boring, I'm broke,it's relentless and no one listens to me!

I do feel I have two wild spirited children shall we say and everyday is a bloody battle. 4 year old is a law to himself and 18 month old DD has such separation anxiety I cannot even leave a bloody room without her screaming blue murder.

I want to go back to work but I couldn't do full time because of child care costs. I have applied for well over 100 jobs in the last 6 months and nothing. I have applied for everything and anything and still nothing.

No real point to my post I suppose. Just hoping it's not just me in this situation.

In paid to be at work at one point for about 18 months. But as a family we took the hit and saw it as a family investment. It enabled me to be in a position (a few years later) to be in a flexible career which is interesting and fairly well paid. Take the long view what do you want to ask for in the long term and is it worth a bit of pain paying for part time childcare even if it's more than your wages to get where you want eventually

Oh god I couldn't do it. I was desperate to get back to work after having each DC. Very grateful not to amongst those forced into it through not earning enough to easily cover childcare.

@ohforfoxsakenotagain I know you’re right. But I reckon the grass is always greener. When you don’t have a job outside the home it’s easy to forget the stress and monotony of FT paid work. The fact you never see daylight in winter. The stress of trying to balance work with other commitments. The politics and the sexism. When you do work outside the home, it’s easy to look at SAH parenting as living the dream like I’m doing (when in fact it’s just as stressful and monotonous).

I love being on mat leave and spending time with my daughters but bloody hell, there is just no mental stimulation.

I love my job. Its busy, creative, interactive and I love the buzz of it so being at home is a bit of a shock to the system.

I'm sort of in your position. What kind of things do you do in the day? When I was working PT after DC1 I felt guilty trying to fit everything in and leaving my days with him as a sort of afterthought. I vowed if I was a SAHM I'd throw myself into it a bit more as I thought I'd have more headspace without a job (hadn't considered the second child though!!) So I try to prepare things to do and stick to some sort of routine. There are good websites with activities ideas if you google, although obviously even if your eldest would do one it's really hard keeping the youngest one out of the way sometimes...

However, the 4yo is in pre-school some of the week - is yours? I bet he'd benefit if you can afford it. The local pre-school is way cheaper than the nursery he was in. Even a day or half-day would give you a break and it'd help him prepare for school - although might be a bit late now. Holiday clubs?!

Also I try and do something BY MYSELF on the weekend. Even if it's a Sainsburys shop. Hair cut, etc. Just for a couple of hours.

It'll get easier!

Funded childcare hours when they're 3 too! Did you not use any?

I can relate. Absolutely fucking loathed it for the first few years - went from a high hour antisocial low paid job too so it's not like I had anything to escape to. But...I have to say, now they're older (three between 3 and 6) it's so much more fun. I have lots I like to do for myself at home though and run a few online shops using my uni knowledge and old work ties, so I guess have that at least to keep me sane/earn money (though until they're all in school it can't grow much).

I worked 17 hours a week until my son went to ft school. Lost all my benefits, was single mum at the time, and I regretted it massively.
3 yrs down line I'm pregnant with 2nd and married. I will be going back part time. I feel I've missed out since going ft expecially during school holidays.
The happiest I've been in my life was when I was on maternity leave and working only a few hours

Hmm..yes that age can be hard, I remember if I could get a break sometimes it made it easier- for example we had children centre with creche and courses on (not sure if funded now, though) also...gym with creche for a couple hours just to switch off. failing that doing stuff like yoga at home with TV on for little one for a bit...just getting some kind of headspace however you can. Going for walks to get out the house. and then the funding at 3 years (2 now?) gives 15 hrs nursery a week as week. having a bit of structure and routine can help- maybe some days a toddler group morning for the youngest the next a walk for you...it helps me living in a town as could walk to shops etc. and take advantage of any nap times also!

Maybe you could meet some other mums at a toddler group and then take in turns to take them perhaps.

In a way it's a viscous circle as the further removed you are the more frazzled you feel. I remember going back to work after my first and although I found it hard leaving her I absolutely loved having the freedom back. Getting on a train with a coffee knowing I could do what I wanted for 20 minutes felt brilliant.

I hope you can find a way to get a bit of that back. Would you consider volunteering as a school governor? It's quite demanding but a good way to do something that matters in a professional setting.

@goldenflame transition to my next phase is such a beautiful way of putting it, thank you. I know I’ll figure it out eventually, I just have zero idea what I want to do when I grow up 😂 Part of the problem for me is I’m starting to realise I have very low self confidence (never felt like I’ve struggled with this before) so probably that’s the place to start and go from there.

@ohforfoxsakenotagain I can so relate about popping to the shops being a mini break! Sadly, it’s become a mini treat for me to go out food shopping alone. Good luck with the job hunting and/or going self employed. Remember, this is a phase that shall pass. That’s what I mutter to myself at least!

I do sympathise, I only did it while on mat leave but I knew it wasn't for me. Keep looking, something will turn up.

@goldenflame I’m waiting for that time! 2022