My relationship with my in-laws has been heavily strained over the past few years as they are extremely controlling and have tried to drive a wedge between DH and I over the years. Sadly they have been successful on many occasions but that is something we are working on. DH asked them to apologise but they refused claiming they have done nothing wrong. Having been treated badly by them and with it affecting our marriage greatly, I started suffering from anxiety and reduced my contact with them and told DH they are not welcome in our home. He reluctantly accepted this and has continued to have his relationship with them outside of our home. Our DD does not see his family without me as they are emotionally abusive people, and DH once overheard his Mom badmouthing his SIL to his niece, and I am confident they would do the same about me to DD.
We are having a party for DD’s birthday and my immediate family (parents and siblings) will be present. DH would like to invite his family for which I am strongly against. I do not want to feel anxious and uncomfortable in my own home on DD's birthday, It will also be a very awkward atmosphere as my family do not have much of a relationship with DH’s family due to the way they have treated me. I have proposed that we continue to have the party with my side of the family, and the following day we can do lunch in a restaurant to celebrate DD’s birthday with DH’s side of the family. AIBU?