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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fb and birthdays

27 replies

wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 12:47

So I probably am BU.

Have very low contact with ILs, maybe see them once every few months and I do not speak to them unless they directly message me (very rare!). Dh speaks to his dad maybe once a week via email. I have name changed but people on here have told me to go with them before hence the current low contact.

Anyway yesterday was dh birthday. Cards come from his family via post etc all very gushy (this used to annoy me because it's so false but now I just ignore it because really who cares?). Dh is not on any SM as he doesn't really get it and I have fb but mainly for keeping up with colleagues (I work in a close knit subject area but we are all very geographically spread out). Sil posts a huge status about how amazing dh is and saying happy birthday to him etc etc. Aibu to think what is the point?? She knows he won't see it? She rang yesterday morning to say happy birthday directly to him and told him to get me to show him it? Why bother?

Think it's very much 'for likes' but I'm not big on sm so maybe I just don't get it!

OP posts:
Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 12:47

Sorry that's meant to say 'to go nc with them'

OP posts:
VampireSlayer19 · 10/05/2019 12:50

I think your letting it bother you too much. Facebook is Facebook 🤷‍♀️ Everyone knows it’s not completely representative of real life relationships.

If your husbands not bothered I don’t see why you are!

Also adults getting arsey over Birthday cards and messages is abit daft!

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 10/05/2019 12:52

Lots of people do this, I don't really get it either but I don't think it's targeted, it's just a bit 'look at me' when it's someone else's event.

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 12:55

@VampireSlayer19 haha maybe I've made out I'm more bothered by this than I am! I just think it's a bit 🙄 especially when people are commenting on it saying happy birthday to dh and I think what's the point he won't even see all this? Probably more annoying because sil tagged me in it so I'm getting constant pings of updates! But rest assured I'm not sat stressing :-p

@ZippyBungleandGeorge it's completely lost on me. I think it's a bit attention seeking.

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Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 12:57

Bit of a drip feed (sorry!) I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and sil has posted things about our pregnancy on fb despite being asked not to so possibly I'm particularly eye rolly because I worry once baby is born she will not respect our wishes to keep our dd off SM.

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NoSauce · 10/05/2019 13:00

It’s annoying OP but some people do this on FB. Just unfollow her.

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 13:02

@NoSauce I have considered that but I don't know enough about fb tbh...would she know I'd done it? Also I don't want to not be able to see if she puts on about dd as she has lied in the past (she shared our scan photo when we specifically asked her not to as I've had multiple mcs)

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NoSauce · 10/05/2019 13:05

No she wouldn’t be able to tell if you just unfollow her. You can sporadically look at her FB page to see what she’s up to and if she is posting photos of DD then you can speak to her and tell her she mustn’t. Unfollowing her just gives you a. It of respite from the tedious posts.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 10/05/2019 13:05

some people live their lives on FB and everything they post is for the applause. It's tiresome and rather depressing.

I would unfollow your SIL so you don't have to see her posts.

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 13:13

@NoSauce thank you that's very helpful :-) I'm keen not to cause any drama before baby is here as frankly I have had enough from them in the past so her not knowing I'd unfollowed her is great :-) thanks!

@WeepingWillowWeepingWino I think (and I'm prepared to be flamed here!) that it's a younger group than me (30) who are obsessed with this type of thing and as sil is quite immature for her age she just likes to post whatever she can for the likes. Anyway great to know I can hide her fb so to speak !

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blubblubblub · 10/05/2019 13:15

Yes, many people live their lives on SM. They feel if they don't post about it, it didn't happen. My DM often asks why I haven't posted a Happy Birthday for DCs or DH - why would I when we live in the same house and I can say it to their faces?

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 13:18

@blubblubblub hah! That's what ILs are like! You should have seen the meltdown when dh asked them not to put anything relating to my pregnancy on SM. It was like we had said we would be covering the child in a blanket when out in public until aged 18! 😂

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NoSauce · 10/05/2019 13:38

I think in your shoes OP I would send a general text to your in-laws to say that you’re sure they will understand but you don’t want any photos of the baby putting on SM instead of waiting for it to happen, you’ll be emotional and vulnerable once your baby is born and won’t need any cause for upset. Hopefully they will take heed.

GemmeFatale · 10/05/2019 13:40

You can set your profile so you have to approve tags, which will solve the ping issue.

Don’t tell her anything you wouldn’t tell a stranger as she clearly can’t be trusted with family information.

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 13:54

@NoSauce oh we have already don't worry :-) she has been told about six times by dh that we do not want anything on SM (she keeps asking). I guess we will have to wait and see what happens!

@GemmeFatale I would love to be able to tell her nothing but unfortunately it's quite a complex situation so we get by with telling them the bare minimum. I have not sent her any more scan photos or told her about anything else since she put them on fb. Much to mils annoyance!

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Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 13:55

Just defollowed and now trying to set to approve tags! Thanks all for the advice I am a bit of a technophobe!

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NoSauce · 10/05/2019 13:58

Hopefully she won’t be a dick then OP and listens to what’s been said by DH Grin

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 10/05/2019 13:59

I think you're being a bit mean about the birthday post OP.

I think gushy cards and facebook posts are lovely Confused

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 14:06

@MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 gushy cards maybe if there was an actual family relationship. As it is dh has very little to do with any of them and they have treated him very badly in the past. Therefore the gushy cards are if anything more annoying because it is completely fake. ILs have an outward projection of us being the perfect family when in actual fact things couldn't be further from the truth. I could give examples but I think we would be here all day! 🙈

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Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 14:07

@NoSauce fingers crossed! Sometimes they seem so ignorant to things they do and I am just left baffled!

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spanishwife · 10/05/2019 14:14

Unfollow! You will still remain friends but you just dont need to see it. Make life easier for yourself

spanishwife · 10/05/2019 14:15

Oops ignore my post - old tab open, hadn't refreshed to see all the new comments!

Original poster
wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 14:21

@spanishwife i do that all the time :-) but good advice still :-) I have unfollowed :-)

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wishyoucouldpicksometimes · 10/05/2019 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmTheChosenOne · 10/05/2019 14:24

You can also restrict her viewing.

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