Aibu to continue stoping contact

[FluffyTabbycat]

So basically I have a 8 yo DD
Parted with dad 4 years ago
In our relationship he was physically and mentally abusive
I stayed because I felt worthless and hid the abusive from all including our child
He walked out for another woman .
I then after 18 months met a wonderful man, when the ex heard we were together he physically attacked us in public
I had a injunction order and pressed charges
He got off with it
During the time of it going to court my DD still seen her grandma (his mother) and still seen her dad at the grandma's house (supervised)
After a while it became obvious that my ex was poisoning my dds mind against me and new partner
I stopped contact
Even though there was a injunction against him my ex made contact with me
And convinced me that he wasn't interested in me he was changing his ways and was only interested in seeing my DD
I agreed to supervised contact
Again he poisoned her mind
Contact stopped
DD continued to go to his mother's once a week as long as he wasn't there ,and didn't see her
After a while his mother asked me if as long as she moniterd the convo and was present at all times could he see her
I (stupidly) agreed
DD would come and hide away in her room and not talk to my partner
He is a genuinely lovely man with kids of his own, loads of patience etc
So no concerns about her genuinely not liking him for a valid reason
So contact stopped again
No maintenance money has ever been paid
A week before Easter I got a phone call of ex calling me a arse hole etc because apparently I wasn't getting our DD much for Easter ( 75 pound trainers seem enough to me.) He gave her nothing.
So this number was blocked and strictly no contact was even more so in place than ever
However DD has continued to see her grandma, and he is strictly not allowed to see her which she had been sticking to.
However it was his birthday yesterday, and I admitly forgot, am I terrible for not getting DD to call him?
His family are calling me terrible names, I still feel like iam under some sort of control by him as sometimes u feel guilty ?! Aibu for stopping contact, also the grandma wants to take DD on holiday, after I know she has slagged me off , I don't want to spite my child but I genuinely don't want her to go l, I feel like the family are controlling nasty pieces of work
Aibu

Let him go through the courts if he wants access. Letting his dm see your dd when she isn't trustworthy is not a great idea imo. . And def no to the holiday...

I feel guilty if I stop her gran seeing her as she says she loves her so much and when I have asked for her to keep him away she has agreed and done it
However I know she says to him that I've put her in a awkward position

But if she wants to see her grandaughter then that's just they
away it is?!?
Basically I know she calls me worse than shit for the descicions ive made ( no contact for her son)

No contact is no contact. Birthday or not.

I agree with pp, let him go to court. And contact cms so he can support his daughter.

Stop contact with all of them.
Toxic fuckers.

Why isn’t he paying any money? Sounds like grandma can’t be trusted, she will always be on her son’s side, she just will.
Definitely no to hols, she can’t be trusted.

Just point blank refuses to pay money for her
Currently going through shitshow that is cms

Well if granny wants to see her tell her to tell ex to put his hand in his pocket.

I'd stop all contact with the father and dd, and would't be sending dd to the grandmother's home. I'd be saying she can see DD with me there too- maybe meet her in the park or out for some other activity that dd would enjoy.
I'd explain to his mother that no contact means literally no contact. This is what you believe is best for your daughter. If ex disagrees, then he can apply through the courts. The courts are there for that very reason!
Claim cms from him regardless as your daughter still needs financial support whether he sees her or not. When your dd is older (an adult) she can make her own decision about seeing him.
Meanwhile, make it very clear to everyone, that you would not be having to stop contact or phones etc. if youe ex was a reasonable person and not the twat that he actually is.
Good luck and stay strong- i know from personal experience how wearing and stressful this sort of situation can be.

I stopped my dm seeing my dc. It's your duty of care to your dd to keep her safe from toxic people. Buy her a goldfish to distract her from poisonous granny.