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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to be better?

2 replies

ImposterSyndrome101 · 10/05/2019 01:09

I'm not in a great place mentally. I'm doing a lot better than I was but I'm still not 100% and tbh I doubt that I ever will be totally happy. I certainly never remember being totally happy and that's just a little bit pathetic. But I know I can take steps to remove some of the stresses in my life to improve my situation and happiness potential. I just don't know how. I'm taking steps to improve my diet and exercise habits because I think improving that is a good foundation for improving everything else. I need to clear the clutter from my room (long term job and my mums going to come and help me at some point in the coming months). I am also in process of organising my finances so they all come out of the same accounts at the same time, building a credit score and sorting driving lessons as those can only help in the long run.

But mainly I need to improve how I spend my time either volunteering or working to fill my hours when I'm not studying as I'm a mature student, but I've never worked. So I have no idea how to write a CV or search for jobs. I have a massive range of different course/practical experience, I'm able to perform CPR and I'm qualified to work as a level 3 healthcare practitioner. But I also have autism/various learning disabilities and an autoimmune disorder.

And I REALLY need to improve my interpersonal relationships and implement boundaries with friends. I struggle socially due to autism, but I also have some mostly really good friendships. However one of my friends is a massive CF. She is a lovely lovely person but emotionally immature and rather spoilt by her parents and seems to have made me into some sort of quasi mother/sister/protector/carer figure despite the fact I'm only a couple of years older than her. She is still learning to be more self aware and to think about how her behaviour can affect others, she's only just gone 20 and is trying to change her behaviour and that's one of the main reasons for sticking with the friendship, she is actively trying and I can see changes over the two years I've known her. I also genuinely enjoy her company, but I don't want to 'parent' her out of some of her worse CF tendencies.
My relationships with my other housemates and friends are far less confusing for me and we get on well but that's because it's very much they're responsible for themselves and we just get on with things.
I also have some great friendships outside of my house that is not really an issue at all, but I also have one very weird relationship with a guy and I don't know what to do because I've never been in this situation before and I don't understand what his endgame is. But that's a whole other issue and something I should stay far away from because I can't see it ending well for me. Lots of red flags, enough to put me off any sort of friendship with him tbh.

So any advice on job searching and CV writing or on how to sort my relationship with my friend?

OP posts:
RSAcre · 10/05/2019 02:11

Wow, you are managing a lot & am giving a wry grin as your user name :)

I am sure you will get a lot of helpful advice here about cv & job searching. However, as a real life measure, how about making an appointment with an employment agent? They will give you advice, will help you knock up a professional cv, & direct you toward jobs that might suit you. As you will be new to the workplace I think that level of support would be very suitable for you. Congratulations on all your study & your qualifications!

As to everything else ... break it down into small chunks & don't set yourself overwhelming goals. Really pleased your mum is coming to advise & help you on the domestic front. Ask her for tips on how to stay on top of a weekly routine of tasks so that you can do a little every day to prevent getting cluttered again.

You sound like a loyal & supportive friend. Also that you are living in a good place with good peers/role models. Allow the CF friend to grow, but please don't make her your life's work - you cannot look after anyone else unless you look after youself first.

Emotionally - & please bear in mind that I have more than 4 decades on you! - let me assure you that none of us get to experience perfect happiness. It's really not a state that people can strive for (ask a Bhuddist!). Happiness comes in brief snatches, in wonderful moments or when we're lucky, in stretches of days. It is human nature to want the thing that we do not have, hence millionaires wishing to be billionaires & the whole 'grass is greener on the other side' mentality.

You are doing so much with your life, and as you continue doing so, you will be teaching yourself about what makes you feel happy. Keep taking those steps forward - like driving lessons, well done you to plan & budget for this. You've also done yourself a huge favour in recognising 'red flag guy' situation as something that potentially won't end well for you. Keep your resolution to steer clear of him. You are surrounded by housemates you are comfortable with & outside friends as well so concentrate on maintaining those relationships while you are tackling all the other wonderful worthwhile goals you have set yourself.

I hope none of this comes over as patronising ...?! - but you are so young, & believe me you are coming across as very switched on & sussed out. I think if you keep this attitude of determination & progression, you are going to look back in a year's time & feel very proud of yourself. Just remember to manage your own expectations, look for little achievements every day/week rather than huge jumps or changes, & that's it's fine to fail now & then. We learn more from mistakes than we realise, & it's all part of the journey.

Wishing you every success with the job hunting, domestic life, driving lessons & friendships. You sound like a really nice person xx

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 10/05/2019 02:38

Everything RSAcre said with bells on.
Good luck OP x

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