Do I interfere?

[Iamnotagoddess]

DS is 21.

His g/f moved in two years ago. They moved out last Sep.

I was relieved as although I loved them both and I got on really well with her they were both so messy and did nothing around the house and I was subsidising their income - they were paying £300 a month between them and going on lovely trips away and ordering takeaways 4 times a week.

Two months after they got a flat together she moved out - not sure why - she told DD she found it all too grown up.

DD and DS now live in the flat.

DS has been shagging about a bit but still holding out for GF, they are still friends and she still stays over a few times a week.

She is seeing someone at work and she’s still seeing DS too and he is in a bad place worrying its going to get serious and that it’s really really over.

He had been depressed and suicidal before.

Do I see her and lovingly ask her to end it for good or ask her to tell him what she actually wants?

Stay out of it. End of.

I think you just need to be there for your son if and when it all gets too much. I honestly don’t think approaching the on-off girlfriend will get you anywhere.

Focus on supporting your son. Have you talked to him about whether he wants to be the backup option / his right to take control of his life and move on etc? That yes, most endings (of anything positive) are pretty shit but they're also part of life and the fact that something good ends doesn't mean you lose all the good it brought into your life.

I.e. Help equip him to cope with an ending, and also build his self esteem to the point where he values himself more.

I can understand why you're worried, but I can't see it making things better if you intervene. If anything, I can see you being the one who gets blamed for whatever happens.

Don't get involved, it could quite easily backfire on you. Just be there for your son if he needs you.