To ask for some MN reassurance?

[incogneto]

I need some reassurance that the newborn stage will get easier.

It's the night feeds that are really killing me. I'm just not used to it, I've always loved my sleep and I hate getting up during the night to feed DS who is 10 days old

I have help from my partner but he's just like me when it comes to sleep.

Will I ever adjust? I know it's going to get harder at some point but..

Yes it gets better and you will sleep again. Honestly. Mine are teenagers but I remember the agony of those early days. One day DS will sleep for longer at night and then one day he will sleep all night. I remember DH saying one day "DD slept 8 hours!" and we must have both looked like we'd won the lottery!

It will lovely - hang in there. It will become a blur of a memory.

Don't sweat the small stuff and I REALLY wish I hadn't. Worrying about the house being messy etc. I wish I'd given myself more of a break about the non essential stuff.

Xxx

It will get better. 10 days - 2 weeks is the classic time for the 'oh shit this is a nightmare what the fuck have we done' feelings to kick in.

When you say getting up, do you mean getting out of bed or just waking up?

Thanks @FictionalCharacter @Nofilter

I found the first 3 to 5"4 months the hardest. Past that yes sleep can be broken but not hourly like the earlier stage. 2 wakes instead of 5 etc.

I'm a lover of sleep so it killed me lack of sleep.

It got better pretty quickly for me. Important thing is to work out a rota so you’re both getting sleep. If you’re BF then that might be you go to bed very early to get a few hours or whatever works. If you’re formula feeding and have a spare room then literally work shifts

@pastabest yes that's exactly how I feel and I feel terrible for feeling that way it sounds awful but I kind of miss life before.

Don't get me wrong I love my son and would never change him for the world but I've had that thought a couple times since he was born.

It's the waking up and getting out of bed that I struggle with

I thought the same. It's funny how quick you forgot how hard it was, because it becomes amazing over night but you don't remember when I got easier. When you get the smiles back, and when you realise you really get you baby and they get you, and you understand what they want/need. Sorry I'm drunk haha

@Newbie1981 I understand what you mean, thank you ❤️

I felt like you until about ten weeks when DS suddenly decided to sleep 11 hours roughly a night! Still does unless poorly. You'll get there soon.
I BF so it was trickier for DH to help over night but if he was just not settling or had woken at the crack of dawn after a night of cluster feeding DH would take him and I would go to the spare room from about five until eight ish when DH goes to work, those three hour blocks made all the difference for a while. Sometimes did the same in the evening and DH would stay up later

Ds is 4 months and it so much better for us already
Your lo is too young for this yet ( you'll have to google at what age you do this) but the best advice I received was to ensure that you're getting enough milk in them in the day, so that they don't need lots at night. It makes perfect sense when someone spells it out for you but honestly I thought myself an all night buffet machine and was miserable. Once I started ensuring he got a good feed every 2 hours through the day he dropped to two night feeds, then one.

Agree with bitchfromhell with my first I felt like it was never going to happen he would sleep through the night, it took 6 months!! With my DD she is sleeping a good 6-8 hr block because I feed her in the day and do a dream feed before we go to bed. Having said that she has had her vaccs so has messed her pattern up a bit but hoping will claw it back fairly quickly. It does get easier, be kind to yourself

I could have written your post 18 years ago! I felt so ill with the broken nights and sleep deprivation. Do you actually have to physically get out of bed at nights? If you're breastfeeding, could you shove him on and doze while still in bed?

You will adjust. I always thought this was the hardest stage as the novelty wears off and the sleep deprivation really catches up. Just as you get through this faze, a new sleep faze will begin. Check out Wonder weeks app. I found it quite helpful with planning stages and adjusting.

At day 8 I brought a next to me crib so I didn’t have to get up every hour, best money I’ve spent!

Honestly, it’s gets so much better soonish. A few hours straight really helps, I found I could get by on a 3 hour and a 2 hour nap sleep and try and get an extra daytime nap in too.

I’m 13 weeks in with my DD now and felt just like you in those first few weeks.

DD slept horrendously to begin with and had me up so many times in the night but now she’s much more settled. I agree with @Newbie1981 that it suddenly got easier but I can’t pinpoint exactly when that was.

Like you I felt terrible for feeling like that and beat myself for not enjoying every second but most mum’s I’ve spoken to since have said they felt the same.

Just take things day by day or hour by hour if necessary and as other posters have said don’t worry about the house etc just focus on you and baby.

It will get easier!

Mumsnet advice of old, that helped me get through it all.... this too shall pass. It feels like forever when your in it, and most of us have been exactly where you are, but take it day by day my love. And soon you'll be through it. Feel for you, as most of us would remember if we took a second. But you'll bee alright. I promise.

1. This too shall pass

1. Quite honestly the first 6 weeks are a 'let's just get through it' period. After that you'll start to settle into a routine of sorts and it will all be more familiar.

1. I (and a lot - the majority - of other mums I know) broke all the rules with regards to sleep (ds was a tummy sleeper) and feeds (took a flask of boiling water to bed with me to make up a feed overnight)

1. Sod the house for now - sleep when baby sleeps.

1. Don't put any pressure on yourself - take each day as it comes and of that means no one gets dressed in a day then so be it.

1. Enjoy the moments you can but never feel bad for admitting it's tough at times.

Ah fuck op I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt like it was always going to be this way and I genuinely wanted to kill myself just so I didn't have to do it anymore. It DOES get better. My dd is 21 months and she is just so incredible. We have so much fun. She is such a character. The newborn bit is so shit but it isn't forever.

There are so many things I'd do differently, I wouldn't stress about bedtimes and I'd go with the flow and I'd just stop feeling so guilty all the time. All obvious with hindsight but not so obvious when I was having 30 minutes sleep at a time and every time I fed her I'd have to stop after an ounce, burp her, and then start again. Then I'd have to hold her upright for 20 mins afterwards and pray she didn't throw the entire thing up. She was refluxy, colicky and my husband was a complete arsehole at the time.

People always say 'sleep when baby sleeps' which used to fucking piss me right off, but actually it's exactly what I did do (even at 21 months!)

Everything Milkand2sugars said. It will get better, I promise. Take One day at a time. Every broken sleep is one night closer to a full 8 hours of bliss.
Stuff everything that isn't important. Enjoy the moments of calm loving cuddles. Use any shortcuts you can (ready meals etc). Get plenty of fresh air.
It will get better.

My children slept through from 3m

The early months are tough, but you get through it

Everything's always a stage
You get through it, then on to the next nightmare

Battle through
You're doing a great job I'm sure

Thank you all so much, I'm glad that what I'm feeling isn't so uncommon.

It feels like I'm going through so many different emotions right now that I just don't know how I should feel. I know I should open up to the people around me but I find it much easier to ask for advice here

Just make sure you talk to someone even if it is just us! I remember so well what you're feeling and panicking that we'd made a terrible mistake. I really vividly remember about 2 weeks in my DD waking for yet another feed and I just lost it and started crying and shouting basically saying I don't want to do it anymore I've had enough I'm not feeding her anymore. My poor husband didn't know what to do bless him. I really resented her and the disaster she'd made of my lovely life. It took me a while to accept that life had gone - it was like a grief if I'm honest.

It gets better, you get used to it and it gets easier to cope with the lack of sleep. Have you considered a bed side crib so you don't have to get out of bed?

I cannot sugar coat this, it nearly fucking killed me. I swear that I would have given her to a druggie in the street to just get an hours peace, she slept for 2 hours max for 8 weeks, I was a fucking zombie. I hated her, I hated me, I hated my then h. It was the most fucking grim time.
Thing I did that kept me sane ish - kept a lamp on in the bedroom so I didn't do dark to light. Put a tv in the room on mute so I had some bollocks to watch without sodding about.
I sleep like the dead. I say dd slept through the night from 8 weeks, no fucking clue really. So I didn't lose the plot I put her in her own room and just never woke up when she cried.
She is 13 and ace, but I do not look back on the first few weeks fondly. Do what you have to do.

Yes, i found this stage very tough, but found it gets gradually better and better and better, until you find yourself suddenly enjoying being a mum!