To think it's slightly rude to ask if a pregnancy was planned?

[Farmmum7]

We've got 2 DC already they're 9 & 7 and we're pregnant with number 3 it's taken 4 years to conceive but I hadn't told anyone we were trying but when asked I always said I'd like more.
Anyway...my OH told his sisters and he told one of his close friends our DS's godfather that we're expecting and one of his sisters and his friend both asked was it planned?! At least the friend said congratulations too but his sister didn't even do that! Am I wrong to be offended? Are they assuming this is some kind of mistake or am I just being crazy and they were just asking since they assumed we didn't want anymore?

Yes, it's very rude, and I'm surprised by how many people just come out and say it without a second thought!

Similarly my youngest has Down's and the amount of people who ask me "Did you know he had it?" closely followed by "Would you have still had him if you'd known?" are mind blowing!!

I was asked twice in my previous workplace, once by a young colleague and once by the HR manager (!!)

I was really taken aback and wondered how I was supposed to answer without talking about deeply personal stuff. It pissed me off but of course I smoothed it over and was nice and compliant and conflict avoiding.

Yes, of course it's rude. Presumably if someone a) has an unplanned pregnancy and b) wants to tell you, they'd do so.

My male work colleague told me his secretary asked him when he and his wife were going to have their second, shouldn't they be getting on with it etc.

(His wife has only a few cycles a year).

I was like : it's the complete and utter lack of thought for peoples privacy and dignity around sensitive matters like sex, reproduction, relationships etc.

It's not slightly rude. It's extremely rude and cringingly embarrassing. In effect people who ask are asking about your sex life. Ugh.

Very rude to ask. Might be OK if it was a very close friend or your mum or someone who you usually discuss really personal things with but not if you don't normally discuss things like that.

It is rude. Although I think more common with small or big age gaps and unwed couples. Still rude though.

I didn't mind my best friends reaction when I told her and she said why would you want to do such a thing!! I think it does depend on who it is that makes a comment.

My SIL that asked about it being planned never really got on well with my DH but recently things have been ok he told her because the other sisters knew and didn't want her finding out second hand but it feels like her comment was meant to be a bit snide. The other sisters and even his father whos a grumpy old sod all messaged us both to congratulate us. I just assume the general reaction to by the way your going to be an auntie again we're pregnant would be a more positive one!

I think I've just been finding it hard feeling so sick all the time I haven't been excited I just wanted the moment to come around when we could tell people and see the scan and for it all to feel really real at last and comments like that just put a bit of a downer on your day.