Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding 4 year old's absences?

26 replies

kate20091985 · 08/05/2019 21:58

Hi, my DS is 4, 5 in 2 months, so will be going into year 1 in september. He started nursery at age 3 part time and is now full time. He was diagnosed with Asthma a while ago, and in winter he tends to get recurring chest infections. Even if they aren't infections, he coughs so bad that he doesn't sleep properly, so when he's ill like this we keep him off school. He also had a day off school to go on a day trip with a local community group that was subsidised by them. It was a trip he wouldn't have been able to go on otherwise as I currently don't drive.
The school reported me to the E.W.O regarding his attendance and this day trip in December, who rang me up and said he didn't realise my DS was only 4, and wouldn't be taking any further action. I also spoke to school and said that we don't keep him off school lightly.
I've had a letter this week regarding DS's attendance saying they're concerned that it's only just above 90%, and asked me to go to a meeting with the head teacher and E.W.O. I emailed school back and whilst I wasn't rude, I basically said that they are overreacting, that my DS is still not compulsory school age and that he is above age-related in all subjects. AIBU in getting really annoyed and angry at the school?

OP posts:
Doos9643 · 08/05/2019 22:00

Surely he's not of compulsory school age yet?

CripsSandwiches · 08/05/2019 22:03

Well like you say he isn't csa so there isn't an enforceable action they can take. I would be concerned going forward if his attendance stays at around 90%. That's a day off a fortnight and would add up to alot of time off. Obviously not much you can do about it if he's ill and will probably improve with time anyway. I can see why tge school is concerned though.

JustCallMeSliths · 08/05/2019 22:04

When he is old enough for his absences to be monitored I do think you need to be more discerning about when he needs to be off.

In my mind, being tired isn't a reason to be off school, particularly if he is likely to have other medically necessary time off.

I'm guessing the trips won't apply then too?

I know he's your child, your choice blah blah blah but at the same time you're not doing him any favours by keeping him off for minor reasons.

TheFastandCurious · 08/05/2019 22:04

YANBU You have already spoken to them and the e mail is fine. I wouldn’t attend a meeting about a child for whom school is not even compulsory.

InTheEndgameNow · 08/05/2019 22:04

He's not at compulsory school age so you can ignore them for now, but it will be an issue if this rate of absence continues into next year.

How is his asthma being treated? Is he using a preventer? If not I'd go back for a review.

VashtaNerada · 08/05/2019 22:06

Almost 10% absence is a lot. Only you can judge how justified it is, but I wouldn’t underestimate the impact on him. Even if he’s high ability it could potentially impact on him socially or his feelings of stability if he feels on the back-foot every time he returns from absence. Hopefully as he gets older he won’t be affected as badly though and the absences will go down. I teach Year 1 and I know that level of absence would make a big difference to a child.

Sparkles07 · 08/05/2019 22:08

School are BU. Child not of compulsory age, nothing they can do!

Original poster
kate20091985 · 08/05/2019 22:09

Hi, it's not that he's just tired, he sleeps of the morning and part of the afternoon because he's not sleeping properly at night. On the ocassions i have sent him to school when he's like this he has actually fallen asleep there and they've just had to leave him. His asthma is being monitored and has inhalers, but he just get these coughs that seem to last week's in the colder months.

OP posts:
YetAnotherThing · 08/05/2019 22:10

Even if they aren’t infections he coughs so bad that he doesn’t sleep properly

Sounds like asthma not under control. Go back and talk to GP about how it impacts his life, and missing school etc.

MichonnesBBF · 08/05/2019 22:10

While you are exactly right in that he is not compulsory school age, you have chosen for him to start school and 4, therefore attendance is still taken in to account from all classes (age not relevant).

All schools have to prove to OFSTED how they tackle persistent absentees, what initiatives they have in place, (a meeting with the head is one of them, just to open the line of communication and possibly offer support/guidance.)

I have known schools to give wake up calls/ free alarm clocks and yet are still made to jump through hoops in explaining themselves.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/05/2019 22:11

90% absence is 20 days off a year.

If his asthma is causing that amount of illnesses he needs to have an immediate asthma review if his treatment plan.

My ds has acute asthma, we plan his treatment plan around the weather elements.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/05/2019 22:13

There’s a massive difference in his asthma being monitored and him being in the correct treatment plan.

Have you seen a specialist rather than a GP?

stucknoue · 08/05/2019 22:13

90% attendance is one day off a fortnight, that's a lot. Even with a special trip and a couple of coughing at night so exhausted days off, it doesn't account for such low attendance so you need to consider are you keeping him home too readily or should you go to the dr to see if there's any more support they can give him medication wise. School is important, even reception year

Wolfiefan · 08/05/2019 22:16

I wouldn’t be angry at the school. That is a lot of time off and they are just following protocol.
I would be going back to the GP. Uncontrolled asthma is a bloody scary thing. If he’s regularly needing time off as he’s not sleeping at night etc then his medication needs to be looked at. Do you take regular peak flow measurements? I can’t remember the name but I have a kind of action plan of what to do when I experience certain symptoms. I hope he feels better soon.

Original poster
kate20091985 · 08/05/2019 22:16

No we haven't seen a specialist, just the asthma nurse and GP at our doctors surgery. I emailed the head teacher this morning and asked if I could pop in to see her tomorrow after I've dropped him at school and she said that's fine. I just think she could have gone down this route with me initially rather than bringing the EWO in.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 08/05/2019 22:19

They have a school policy on absence which they’re following. The school is expected to get as many kids with as high an attendance as possible.
I wouldn’t be meeting the head but seeing a doctor.

PragmaticWench · 08/05/2019 22:21

Not that you've asked for asthma advice but my DD was exactly like this, the night time coughing was utterly exhausting her. We tried the inhalers but montelukast has been like a magic wand, it's as though she no longer has asthma.

We still use the brown inhaler each evening, but the cough at night has just gone, and she's not had a single cough/cold since, and they used to be every few weeks with hospital visits for nebulisers.

OwnerOfThatChocolateBar · 08/05/2019 22:21

Is it tax payers money that is paying for his nursery fees or do you pay? Is it that he's taking up a nursery place but not there 10% of the time?

Original poster
kate20091985 · 08/05/2019 22:25

The thing is the only day he's had off since the one at Christmas is to attend hospital for a hearing test, which was in the middle of the day and we had to get 2 buses to get there so he had the whole day off. Since the weathers been warmer his chest has been fine. I do think we need to try and be more vigilant with the inhalers though so when/if he does get bad with coughing again, we at least know that he's been taking what he's been prescribed, and maybe something else needs to be looked at.

OP posts:
Original poster
kate20091985 · 08/05/2019 22:28

Is it tax payers money that is paying for his nursery fees or do you pay? Is it that he's taking up a nursery place but not there 10% of the time?

He's at a school nursery/reception and it's the statutory hours that every child is entitled to.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 08/05/2019 22:39

She didnt bring them in. My son (due to a tonsil infection that took 3 lots of antibiotics and 3 flare up to clear) reach 88% in a term and I got a letter.

I spoke to the headteacher - he was very nice and honest and said that the school has a 95% target of attendance 2 to 3 times a term the EWO visits and looks through the register and highlights those that need letters and those that need to come in and see. At the moment we at the point where if possible we need to bring in either a doctor appt slip or prescription too many without we get an appointment.

I asked what would happen in the meeting if it happened (it hasnt) and he said that it would be informal and really a starting point to see what the cause of the absence was and how they could help - for example with giving him the inhalers in your example

janetforpresident · 08/05/2019 22:46

Is it tax payers money that is paying for his nursery fees or do you pay?

Firstly he is in reception, secondly her son's health isn't less important if she is on benefits she still has the right to decide if he's well enough to go in without carrying guilt that "the taxpayer" is footing the bill.

Maybe we should create a shirkers tax, if your attendance at school wasn't great you have to pay 1% extra tax once you are earning to cover the money lost.

Wolfiefan · 08/05/2019 22:57

Who cares who pays?! Confused
Please OP seek advice on the asthma. Is he not regularly taking the prevention medicine? He must. If prescribed. It takes a while to build up so you can’t wait for him to be bad.

Pipandmum · 08/05/2019 23:05

Our school reception year (age 4 turning 5) was full day just like the other years and attendance treated the same.

MamaofAHH · 08/05/2019 23:07

Are the asthma nurse and GP accepting he has asthma or are they saying they won't diagnose until 5?

I found that made a huge difference in the treatment of my DS, our previous doctors surgery refused to diagnose ds until he was 5, like your ds he was getting awful coughs that would keep him up and nothing we did would help. We changed doctor's, got a new asthma nurse, they diagnosed him with asthma, put him on different medication including monkelest as mentioned by a previous poster and it's honestly like he doesn't have asthma anymore.
Please if you think that the gp isn't doing enough look at changing, not for his attendance at school but for him, the difference in a child being properly treated is huge.