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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 year old won’t go to bed

18 replies

Stripyseagulls · 08/05/2019 21:25

I’m at the end of my tether. 7 year old DD just won’t go to bed at night - she’s up and down constantly, wanting one of us to lie with her every night. I feel like we have tried everything- bath, story, bed time milky drink, sleeping in our bed, not sleeping in our bed. She’s manic every evening and I literally feel like a slave. I dread the evenings. I have no space or time to myself as the entire evening is about getting her to bed or lying down with her until she goes to sleep. It’s totally taken over our house. DS is the total opposite & goes to bed with zero fuss but is now getting upset because I am getting cross and stressed because of the bed time stress. Tonight we tried ignoring her but she was hysterically crying & waking DS up. He’s got SATS coming up so needs sleep.

Aibu to be at the end of my tether with it all - it’s making me so stressed. I just don’t know what to do. I need to have some space & time in the evenings as I work full time & feel like I get no down time.

OP posts:
Dermymc · 08/05/2019 21:28

Treat like a toddler. Rapid return and "it's bedtime now" like a broken record every time she gets up. It will almost break you. I put my child back 80 times one night. After 3 days they got the message. Bedtime = sleep.

She will take any attention because that is more fun than sleeping right now.

CherryPlum · 08/05/2019 21:29

What time is she going to bed? Does she read for a bit before lights out? Has she always had trouble falling asleep or is it recent?

Mrsfs · 08/05/2019 21:30

You are NBU, I have the same problem with my 7 year old, some days she goes down well, the others is a nightmare. We have put an Alexa in her room and she now listens to 30 mins of an audio book at night and it has helped. It isn't ideal but we tried everything over the years.

I wish you good luck!

81Byerley · 08/05/2019 21:31

Have you thought of asking her why she doesn't want to go to bed? Ask her at another time, when you're relaxed. Is it possible to just tell her she doesn't have to sleep, as long as she plays quietly in her room?

TheTreeHearsYourSecret · 08/05/2019 21:36

You need to realise that at this stage it is a battle of wills and you have to win.

You need to stick to a plan, do not go downstairs at all, stay on the landing or at the top of the stairs with your phone or a laptop but realise that you are not going to get to be downstairs. But this will be a 3 day thing and this will in return earn you every evening back.

You need to prepare your DD before bedtime and tell her exactly what will happen at bedtime so she is prepared. And that you will not be lying down with her, that she will be sleeping in her own bed and there will be no discussion.

You do rapid return, so the second you hear her out of bed you head her off at the door, tell her it is time for bed and physically return her to bed. The second time you tell her again it is time for bed and return her. The third time you say nothing, you look over her head so you do not make eye contact and you do this last stage for as long as it takes.

I have been there, but my son was much younger. He was a poorly baby so slept on me in the day time and then was half asleep when we put him in his cot. Once he was about 14/15 months and his medical condition improved we had to change the night time to just putting him in his cot. Yes it was hell, but now he is 13 and since that day has gone to bed fine.

Good luck. You might crack this before SATs next week.

LittleLongDog · 08/05/2019 21:39

Tell her she doesn’t have to go to sleep but she does need to stay in bed and do something quiet: read a book or listen to an audiobook for example.

Don’t give in to lying down beside her. Stand in the doorway if necessary.

Most importantly: discuss all this waaaay before night time in a calm and relaxed way.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/05/2019 21:40

Don’t engage at all, it can take weeks.

Get ds some ear plugs.

Have a routine, bath, bed story time. (Or whatever is your routine.

Afterwards if she gets out of bed, on the 1st occasion advise her it’s bed time.

After wards repeat with no communication at all, just put her back to be each and every time, after a few days/weeks she will finally get the message.

Remember she’s safe, she’s unharmed, and she is not afraid, she’s just got herself into a routine, however routines can be unbroken.

Twotome · 08/05/2019 21:40

My DD is 7 and we have just got her out of this. We used to dread bedtime so I really feel your pain.
We have a reward chart where she can earn pocket money for different things and going to bed on time is one of them. The more stars she gets, the more pocket money she gets.
We have also stopped her going to her clubs before, but haven’t had to do this for a while.

Bestfootforward1 · 08/05/2019 21:43

"Treat like a toddler. Rapid return and "it's bedtime now" like a broken record every time she gets up. It will almost break you. I put my child back 80 times one night. After 3 days they got the message. Bedtime = sleep.

She will take any attention because that is more fun than sleeping right now."

Yes, this defo works sometimes.
We had to take DC back 120 times in one night, then less each night til zero times.

gingerbiscuits · 08/05/2019 21:44

I second all of the above excellent advice & just want to wish you good luck!! I had a toddler that almost broke me!!

Twotinydictators · 08/05/2019 21:48

My DD7 has always gone to bed well but started having bad dreams the other week and was resisting bedtime. I got a cheap dreamcatcher from Ebay and put it on her bed, by her head. It must of subconsciously worked because she hasn't had one since.

Is she worried about something? Does she have a night light? Can you leave her reading or as others have suggested, listening to an audio book, and return a couple of times to reassure her? If she's 'manic' is she going too late or not winding down enough? Could you read to her in bed to calm her down?

If she's just doing it for attention then maybe collecting stars or similar across the week for going to bed like a good girl could equal to some special time together at the weekend? Plenty of praise if she does it, that evening plus the next day too?

If none of that works, I'd do as PP suggested and keep taking back to bed without engaging with her.

They are so exhausting aren't they?! Sad Good luck claiming back some time for yourself Flowers

Aquilla · 08/05/2019 21:48

Does she read independently? Can you just let her get on with it on the condition she stays in bed? If not, light bulbs out. We've got one exactly the same. Our alexa alarm goes off at 9pm and that means lights out. He just doesn't seem to need as much sleep as the others. But causing a fuss is not ok.

FireflyEden · 08/05/2019 21:48

Get off MN and put her back to bed, no discussion, no interaction. If she gets up keep returning her with no discussion until she gets it and sleeps. Also remove her most treasured possession and tell her she will only get it back when she does as she is told.

user1474894224 · 08/05/2019 21:52

7 year olds also have sats. Could it be worry? My daughter can't sleep when anxious and lots makes her anxious. I find taking the pressure off sleep can sort of help....e.g. you can read in bed and turn your light off when you are tired.

catcatcatcat · 08/05/2019 21:56

Reading? My DD who is 8 loves audiobooks or podcasts at bedtimes, they really transformed our lives! We've got her an Alexa now & she has audible on there which reads to her each night.

SpinningDizzy · 08/05/2019 22:28

She's 7 and wants a parent. So sit with her. Lights out, music on, do something on your phone for 20 mins. "I'll stay with you for 20 minutes but you have to try to go to sleep. Then I'm going to do x, I'll leave your music on and come and give you a kiss and a hug before I go to bed."
Does it make any difference if you mumsnet downstairs or with your arm around your DD whilst she goes to sleep?

Namestheyareachangin · 08/05/2019 22:36

Following... My 2 yr old has just started this, don't want to be doing it when she's 7!

PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 08/05/2019 23:21

Try down loading the Calm app for something to listen to. They have stories on it.

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