How to date without involving the kids

[Cutelittlebaba]

I’ve been dating a man for three months and am a single mum (the kids dad isn’t around at all). I have little available childcare. The man I’m dating has a son aged six who he has in the week one night and every other weekend.

He doesn’t want to introduce anyone to his son for at least 18 months which I do understand but it puts me in a difficult position. I feel that I can’t have him round here in an evening or at weekends because I have my children around 24/7 so I’m limited to going out/going to his when I can get childcare which is working out really expensive. It would be so much easier to invite him round for food/film night than have to not see him until I can get a sitter. He gets grumpy that he doesn’t see me enough but I’m stuck. I don’t want us to be doing ‘family’ type things but I don’t see an issue with us coming over when each other’s kids are around and making sure we are toned down/not kissing in front of the kids.

I’m stuck in that I don’t want my kids meeting him if he’s adamant I can’t meet his son as it feels one sided. But letting him meet my kids would make life so much easier. I’m really torn.

Yes, have you sat down and discussed this?

I think you've come to a point where the relationship isn't working. He doesn't seem to understand or care about the extra costs you incur when you see him. If he wants to see more of you, then maybe he needs to pitch in for babysitting, he needs to be more understanding and patient, or you could move on. I think he actually sounds as though he already has a lot of baggage if he is basing his 18 month (impractical and unrealistic rule imo) on one relationship that went wrong.

While I would be ok with him meeting my kids (not in a full on way), I feel uncomfortable having him around them if it isn’t reciprocated.

I totally agree with him.

His ex is probably a Mumsnetter! Ex DH’s get torn a new one on here for introducing DC into new relationships after less than a year or so and he’s right to do that.

While I can see his viewpoint, it makes it so difficult for me in terms of organising my kids. The fact is that my kids other than saying hello in an evening would be doing their own thing anyway but it feels as if I’m the one making all the compromises.

Dating when you are a single mum is hard, it sounds as though he expects you to make this work even though he has the most free time.
You're 3 months in, you have another 13 months until the time when he thinks its okay to meet his child. If you're getting frustrated already you need to think hard about whether you're going to be happy with another 13 months of this.
Do you think there is any part of him that is partly going this as he wants to just have adult time together and not think about the fact you both have children?
You need to have a Frank conversation with him about the practicalities not working.
Dating is expensive anyway and if you're paying a babysitter on top this is not sustainable

Erm... sorry I meant 15 months not 13!

I get the feeling he is worried if it didn’t work out, his son would be asking about me all the time so he’s hedging his bets until he feels totally sure. However in 18 months, things could still go wrong. Blended families take time.

He's expecting you to pay for all babysitting costs and half the expense of the date as well?