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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To own house as joint tenants when he has children from other relationship

58 replies

OhDearMrsSmith · 08/05/2019 16:58

Me and DH own our house as joint tenants rather than tenants in common meaning if one of us dies, the other will have sole ownership of the house.

My friend today expressed her utter shock at this as my DH has children from a previous relationship.

AIBU to think if everyone involved is happy with this arrangement there is nothing wrong?

My husband has various assets in his own name that will be left to his children according to his will but we agreed that the house is ours and should pass to the survivor in the event of one of our deaths.

For info, I don't and can't have children.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 08/05/2019 17:25

Although I have read of cases where the surviving partner changed the will after the partner died so only his/her kids inherited despite a previous will saying it would be shared.

CheeseIsEverything · 08/05/2019 17:33

Would seem a bit unfair though if only the longest living partner's kids inherited the house

I don't even think this would be massively unfair in OPs situation. Her husband's children are already inheriting a lot from their father (and who knows what they'll get from their mother's side too). So what if one of the houses only goes to OPs relatives?

I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving something solely to your wife/husband to do with as they please if your kids are already provided for elsewhere.

SirGawain · 08/05/2019 17:35

What do your family financial arrangements has to do with your friend.
she should keep her beak out.

JaynePoole · 08/05/2019 17:37

Who will you leave the house to if you die last and there's any assets left?

CheeseIsEverything · 08/05/2019 17:39

Jayne, OP said:

In the event of my death, I wouldn't leave everything to his children. I have nieces and nephews who would benefit

ChocoCrocc · 08/05/2019 17:43

I'm sort of in a similar situation although it's my mum.

She owns a BTL house and a property abroad which have been left to me in her will. Her current house with her husband (my step father) is joint tenants and would be solely his if she were to die before him.

I don't see the problem at all. Even if he left nothing to me in his will for when he died (which I wouldn't expect). My mum has provided for me more than enough. She wants to ensure her husband gets their house and I think that's fair enough! Why shouldn't he be provided for too? Or vice versa.

MulticolourMophead · 08/05/2019 17:44

Would you leave his half to his children in your will? That would seem the fairest solution.

Why? The DC are already in his will to inherit the other 2 houses. OP and her DH obviously discussed this and it's agreed between them what is to happen.

kingsassassin · 08/05/2019 17:48

It's perfectly fair in the op's position. It's less so where there are no other assets and it results in one set of children being completely cut out of a will.

ChocoCrocc · 08/05/2019 18:09

It's perfectly fair in the op's position

I agree!

Greyhound22 · 08/05/2019 18:21

They've got a house each they're hardly going to be left penniless! What does she expect to happen to you? Turfed out of your home onto the street? Sounds perfectly reasonable.

JaynePoole · 08/05/2019 18:25

Jayne, OP said...

Sorry, I was so distracted writing that post that the thread had moved on!

JaynePoole · 08/05/2019 18:27

So your nieces and nephews won't inherit anything if you die first?

User199999999o9o999 · 08/05/2019 18:57

Fine to do whatever you both want, just make sure its all legal in the wills.

MontStMichel · 08/05/2019 19:18

I went on a course by a solicitor, specialising in advising the elderly on their assets. His advice was that any couple over 50 should be tenants in common.

Say a couple are joint tenants and one dies; the house goes to the other and they have to go into a care home. The whole value of the house down to £23,250 will have to go on the care home fees, before the LA will step in. Apart from the £23,250, there will be nothing left for the children.

If the couple had been tenants in common, then only one half of the value of the house down to £23,250 has to go to pay care home fees. The other one's half share of the house would remain intact to go to the children.

Trying81 · 08/05/2019 19:25

Same situation and same scenario here

If my DP was to pass first then I wouldn’t want to also lose my home. I’d ensure his kids were financially ok (if still under 18) by making sure a share of his life insurance / death in service went to them - I think he’s designated his death in service as an even split already

If I die first he can do whatever he wants with the house, I won’t be around to care

givemesteel · 08/05/2019 19:29

It depends on so many factors that no one can really say based on the info you've given.

It depends on how long you've been married and how much you've contributed to the house versus what he has.

It also depends on the value of your house versus the value of the other two houses. I doubt the other houses he has (assuming btls) are worth what yours is.

In a potentially similar situation dh and I own one large, expensive house and several small btl properties. If dh died and I remarried and left the main house to the new husband thinking oh well my kids get the btls, they'd have a right to feel hard done by as the btls aren't worth anywhere near what the main family home is, and their own parents paid for the majority of that house rather than the new husband.

So personally I believe his half should go to his kids, why is it fair that your nieces and nephews benefit from his money? And by the same token, why would you not feel agreived if your nieces/nephews got nothing and his kids got your half if you die first?

Seems ridiculous when you look at it that way right?

If you do decide to change your will to what your friend has in hers of course you should both be protected with a clause that prevents either of you bring forced out of the home whilst still alive, and if it is needed to pay for care home fees etc, then again so be it.

Chloemol · 08/05/2019 19:36

Just tell your friend that actually it’s none of her business

filka · 08/05/2019 19:50

None of your friend's business - each family disposes of their assets in a way that suits their own views and circumstances. Just because your arrangements are different to hers doesn't make her arrangements right and your wrong.

ChocoCrocc · 08/05/2019 20:36

The children aren't hard done by, they are getting two houses left to them! We don't know anything about whether OPs and her husband's main home is worth a lot more than the other houses in question.

I think if you and your husband are happy with the arrangements and all the possibilities that come with that, then there is nothing unfair about it. You as a couple have decided what you believe to be best for your family.

I'd see it as the party who'd passed away, gifting their share of the house to the surviving spouse. Nothing wrong with that. His kids have been provided for in other ways, if he's happy for his share of this house to be gifted to you solely then that's no one else's business.

I also read what OP said as she would be leaving some to the kids, just not all as she'd like to give to her nieces/nephews too if she were to outlive her DH.

RaptorWhiskers · 08/05/2019 20:59

She says that his 50% should be left to his kids if he were to die
My great aunt is in this situation. Married someone with two sons, he died and left his half of the house to his sons with a clause saying Aunty can live there till she dies. Ever since the sons have been desperate to get their hands on the house and have repeatedly pressured and threatened Aunty to make her sell the house, hand over their half and use her half to buy another property. They insisted on having the keys to their house which made her feel insecure. They stuck their noses into all decisions concerning their house, from the choice of a replacement bathroom suite to what colour the hall is painted. And they insisted on doing regular inspections like a landlord to check she’s looking after their house. She had to engage a solicitor to stop them just letting themselves into her home whenever they felt like it.

Recently one of the sons died and passed his share to his own son, who’s hassling Aunty even worse. As far as he’s concerned she’s just some 80yo floozy who stole his grandad away from his grandma, whom he has nothing to do with and owes nothing to, and who’s preventing him getting his inheritance so he can buy a house himself.

This is why it’s a bad idea to leave your half of a house to someone (who can then leave it to someone else) while your partner still lives there. If you love your partner, protect them and make sure they own their home after your death.

Otterhound · 08/05/2019 21:22

Problem with that raptor is its very common for children get disinherited by step parents where mirror wills are involved and no provision is made for said children

Op, as long as your dp knows his share of the house will go to your family then its all in the open. And equally if you want them to have your share if you die first the only way to guarantee it is to set up a trust. Or trust dh.
There is rarely a straight answer.

ChocoCrocc · 08/05/2019 22:09

If you love your partner, protect them and make sure they own their home after your death

Honestly, this is why I think OPs situation is fair. The kids aren't getting nothing. They are getting a substantial inheritance already. If OPs husband is happy to leave something to her (their house) then I don't see a problem.

I would honestly want our house to be my DHs in this situation if I were to die before him.

Cside · 09/05/2019 12:34

I don't think YABU at all!

None of your friends business either.

Gth1234 · 09/05/2019 13:34

sorting assets in split families is bound to difficult.

We know quite a few stories of a surviving partner from a marriage, who has remarried, and then died, and the new spouse has inherited everything, effectively disinheriting the children of the first marriage.

You can make your own will - I am not sure how the ownership status of your family house affects your will, and also whether you have an interest in your partners other properties.

Gth1234 · 09/05/2019 13:34

sorting assets in split families is bound to difficult.

We know quite a few stories of a surviving partner from a marriage, who has remarried, and then died, and the new spouse has inherited everything, effectively disinheriting the children of the first marriage.

You can make your own will - I am not sure how the ownership status of your family house affects your will, and also whether you have an interest in your partners other properties.