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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to travel alone?

48 replies

Flowersbythesea68 · 08/05/2019 16:23

To want to travel alone?

I really want to go travelling on my own for two weeks, just me! It would be long haul and it’s something that would really push me, I suffer from a range of MH illness so doing this would be a huge accomplishment for me,

I also wouldn’t be able for many reason to do this with my husband as he’s disabled and physically he wouldn’t be able too, so going together isn’t an option.

Can I? Should I? Would you?

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 09/05/2019 10:07

Perhaps, to make life easier for yourself, think of every objection he might have and be prepared with an answer. Before you tell him. Every time he says why not, have a blank wall facing him. But welcome to Australia.

LastInTheQueue · 09/05/2019 10:08

Do it! I’ve just recently come back from a two week hike on my own, and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. Do it!

FizzyGreenWater · 09/05/2019 10:09

It sounds like talking to him about it is exactly what you shouldn't do.

I too think this is a symptom and the journey you really need to take is... away from him.

All I will say is - have a REALLY good think about it and no, don't talk to him - and definitely consider if you taking a long-haul trip now will affect your ability to leave him (financially I mean).

Don't blow your cash on escaping to Australia for a month if you actually need that cash to get yourself out of your marriage and funding a solicitor... permanent freedom is one hell of a lot better (though more scary) than one trip away - and then back to him.

MumUnderTheMoon · 09/05/2019 10:38

Go for it.

Kiltartan · 09/05/2019 11:59

It sounds like talking to him about it is exactly what you shouldn't do.

Agreed, and I agree with the rest of Fizy's post, too. The one thing that should stop you going is whether it will compromise your financial ability to leave him .

Good luck, OP.

Iflyaway · 09/05/2019 12:03

I've been travelling solo for years. It's great.

There's a few solo women travel pages on FB. Have a look. You'll be inspired.

Bellasorellaa · 09/05/2019 12:07

Go ahead live your life

NoHolidaysforyou · 09/05/2019 12:09

Go!

I moved to Japan in my 20s on my own. Everyone thought I was crazy but it was one of the best experiences in my life for growth. People are so friendly and will want to help you. You will get so much respect from other people for seeing their way of life. Take a mobile phone with you and download the Google translate app. If you have Google translate and Google maps, you will be able to go pretty much anywhere.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 12:09

I'd go one better and travel alone for the rest of my life because I'd get rid of this knobber of a husband.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/05/2019 12:11

I just have a feeling my husband will not let me!

Confused

Please don't tell me you obey his every command; you don't need a permission slip. Sure, it's nice to discuss things but it's not up to him to dictate what you can and cannot do.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 12:21

You're an adult, you don't need his permission, you tell him and then go.

mindutopia · 09/05/2019 12:25

That sounds wonderful. I’ve travelled plenty alone. I usually go once a year and leave my dh and dc home. It’s abroad but not as long haul as Australia (though have been there on my own for a work trip). It’s truly great and relaxing and I enjoy having to think of no one else but myself for a few days.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/05/2019 12:36

God, I loved solo travel! YANBU as long as you can afford it without negatively impacting your family.

It's very worrying that you talk about your dh being controlling. That is not a good trait.

MaggieFS · 09/05/2019 12:49

Go! I've done loads of travelling on my own before I had an OH. Sometimes I'd arrange to meet friends at points but mostly alone - it's a rarity you get to be so selfish going where you want, when you want. All I ever needed was a good book (and later kindle) for meal times.

My only caveat would be that when you are in a relationship, partnership, you do sign up to being together so have to be sensitive to OH I.e. not blow annual holiday leave and funds alone, but that's for you to work out with OH and it sounds like he is a bit of an arse anyway and sensitivity works both ways. Enjoy!

wellballstoyou · 09/05/2019 13:15

i`ve hiked alone for days....its a great experience.

Kathsmum · 09/05/2019 13:20

I used to go away alone with a group called Walking women, all prices & places, from dorm in youth hostel to single rooms and afternoon tea, also photography, yoga, skiing as well as walking.
You travel there alone but then you have company, nice to stay a few extra days at end too. X
Whatever you decide go for it! Even a trip out for the day.

QuestionableMouse · 09/05/2019 15:39

I go on holiday alone every year. I bloody love it. Budget means I stay in the UK through!

Original poster
Flowersbythesea68 · 09/05/2019 16:17

Omg, thank you everyone for all the comments only just seen that I’d had more replies,

If I leave him I have that covered financially, so that’s not too much of worry but it would take all my savings to do this trip,

I was going to talk to him today about it but after reading the other replies I think I will keep it under my hat for now and not say anything until I’m 100% sure I could do it!

one minute I think I’ll be ok and then the next I don’t think I can do it, so I’m going to wait until I’m 100% sure

Thank you everyone xx

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 09/05/2019 17:37

I don't have any brilliant words, but it's great you want to do this! Especially in the context of the control - it shows the part of you that values yourself and wants a bright future is still alive and kicking.

Another thing for you to keep under your hat for building yourself up: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

ILoveDaveGrohl · 09/05/2019 17:41

Do it. I was alone in New Zealand for two months and it was terrifying (not in an unsafe kind of way) but amazing.

oneforthepain · 09/05/2019 17:41

Darn, missed the bit I started typing for!

Sometimes when something is scary and outside of our comfort zone (solo travelling or leaving our controlling relationship) we never get to the point of feeling 100% sure we can do it - but we are as sure as we're going to be that it's what we want and what's right for us. Or at least what needs to happen for our future.

In those times you just get everything in place and then make a leap of faith recognising the uncertainty we are feeling is just our normal, human anxieties about doing something unfamiliar. It doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't do it. It just means we are nervous.

Ylvamoon · 09/05/2019 17:58

Oh it's great to read that so many of us do / have done solo travelling!
I am married with DC and I still go solo once in a while (... ok sometimes taking the DC.)
I never ask DH, I just tell him I am going to XYZ and do ABC... and a sweet do you want to come? (Knowing that it's not his type of holiday and we have animals to care for, it's more difficult for him to come! Grin)
Honestly, GO FOR IT! But I think you need to give him some sort of reassurance if he is relying on you for some things due to his disabilities. (Maybe go GP for a form of respite care?) And if he makes a big fuss, you know he is not the right guy for you....

Fcukthisshit · 09/05/2019 17:58

I’ve done it and it was brilliant. Met lots of great people on the way. I’d recommend going to a volunteer project if you’re nervous - there will be lots of other solo travellers from all over the world - there’s loads to choose from - teaching / all kinds of animal care / building / gardening etc etc. Go for it - you won’t regret it!

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