Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Sister living with me

48 replies

Advicewel · 08/05/2019 11:08

My sister left her private let flat because she was having problems with her neighbours and moved in with me. I was mid way through decorating when she moved in and had plans on buying new furniture and thats now scuppered as she has a cat. My sister and her daughter sleep on my couch as my house is pokey with 2 bedrooms, my kids being a tiny room there's no space to put another bed.
My house is upside down, I can't relax in my home and I'm just fed up wondering when she's going to the council to get a house. Am I unreasonable feeling really depressed? Last time another sister moved in she lived here for a year and had 2 cats that urinated all over my house.
Feel like moving out my own house to get away from it

OP posts:

onlyk · 08/05/2019 11:57

What’s her plan?

She was in a private rental why is she not looking for another?

mbosnz · 08/05/2019 11:58

I'd be telling her that she needs to get her priorities straight. She has until x date to get herself sorted, and then she is out. As someone else said, give it to her in writing, tell her to take it to the council.

She may need to put the cat in a cattery until she has sorted accommodation for them all. Housing her family is her responsibility. Not yours.

Selmababies · 08/05/2019 12:14

Does she still have the tenancy on her previous home and was/is she getting housing benefit? Is her previous tenancy in the same local authority as your home?

Depending in the answers to the above, I would think that she may be viewed by the housing dept as making herself intentionally homeless by leaving her previous accomodation, This will limit her options.

If she stil has the tenancy of her previous accomodation, then tell her she has to go back there to live until she can find an alternative place to rent. If she doesn't still have the lease, then she can actively find another another place to rent right now. If I were you, I'd be sitting down with her looking at rightmove or making appointments with lettings agencies.
The first steo though is to tell her kindly but in no uncertain terms, that she needs to move from your place as it really isn't working for you.

quietmoon · 08/05/2019 12:15

You need to write out a letter stating you will be evicting her on whatever date. She then needs to go to the council with that letter.
Tell her you'll look after the cat until she is housed. I'd rather the cat than sister and child.
You don't have to live like this OP, there is a fairly simple solution, you just need to get on with it.

dreamingofsun · 08/05/2019 12:18

are you sure it was due to problems with the neighbours? She hasnt been evicted for non payment of rent? If its the latter then that would explain why she isnt keen to go to the council or look for private rental.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 08/05/2019 12:18

Give her a month to find another rental (private or otherwise). The current situation just isn't sustainable and your sister is the only one who can sort it out. It sounds like she needs a shove though.

Atalune · 08/05/2019 12:19

Unfortunately you need to have a frank conversation with her.

She must go to the council and get on the right waiting list for a home. She needs to make a fuss. Go with her.

The cats- well as much as she may love them, they may need to be rehomed. That’s the reality and she must face it.

Give her a 2 week deadline to wrap her head around it. Enforce it.

IrishGal21 · 08/05/2019 12:23

B&B air\b&B etc find her somewhere

Torridon19 · 08/05/2019 12:27

If she had the money for private renting, why didn't she immediately start looking for another flat to rent, rather than saying she'd go to the council ? ....has she no idea of taking charge of her own life and choices ? ...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/05/2019 12:31

She won't go to council ... she won't go to a homeless unit because they don't accept pets

So what IS she planning on doing? Right now, and since you had your other sister to stay, it sounds as if she's just expecting you to house her - and that won't change unless you make it happen

BeanBag7 · 08/05/2019 12:36

She has willingly made herself homeless. Why should she go to the council and expect her to home her? She should have found another private rental place before giving up the previous one, or at the very least be looking for one with urgency now.

She is taking advantage of your kind nature. Give her a deadline by which to move out, put it in writing and stick to it.

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 12:40

She left because of the neighbours. So she needs to rent a new place privately where there'll be different neighbours! It's nothing to do with the council. Tell her she needs to get started, get on Rightmove, and she's got 4 weeks or she's out

Stormy76 · 08/05/2019 12:58

She was t paying her rent is more likely than trouble with the neighbours, I am saying that because she is refusing to go to the council over a cat.......the cat can stay with you. She has done a flit from her rental and plans to lay low at your house for a while. Tell her she has to leave by a certain time and the cat can stay with you.....harsh but I think she is taking the piss

Chloemol · 08/05/2019 14:12

Sorry to sound harsh but this is your fault for letting her move in, tell her to leave, that makes her homeless and the council has to rehouse

makingmammaries · 08/05/2019 21:34

Maybe you could encourage her to go to the homeless unit and keep her cat for a while?

Butchyrestingface · 08/05/2019 21:54

She won't go to council, whereas id have been there everyday asking for a house.

Why not?

Gazing into my crystal ball, I predict she isn’t paying you rent or her share of the utilities?

pantsville · 09/05/2019 00:48

Yeah I would offer to house the cat for her until she is in a property which allows it. I'm sure you'll have plenty of people telling you don't bother and it's not your problem, which is true, but it's the kind thing to do and cats aren't usually too much bother.

It seems unlikely she's going to take the initiative in sorting out this situation for herself, she may well find the whole ordeal too overwhelming so she's shying away from dealing with her. If you have a frank and honest chat with her about the situation and help her get started in finding a property, this could be all she needs. You've been so generous in housing her for all this time and I agree you've already gone above and beyond, it would be such a shame for it to end in resentment and potentially falling out

Pollywollydolly · 09/05/2019 01:36

If she left her property because of the neighbours the council will class her as having made herself intentionally homeless so they won't house her. She will need to find a private let.

Gingernaut · 09/05/2019 01:55

What was the trouble with the neighbours?

Is she at least looking for somewhere else and saving for a deposit?

Offer to look after the cat and tell her she needs to be leaving within the month.

Bellasorellaa · 09/05/2019 03:07

She won’t get a council home

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/05/2019 03:23

Who cares what she will or wont do?!

"This isnt working, you need to be out by next weekend. I will sign anything to say that you cannot stay here and by the way, this [X] charity will foster cats for people in your situation"

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2019 04:00

If it genuinely is the cat then I’d offer to keep it at yours. I think you need a frank discussion about any rent owed. Idk about the rules in Scotland but that may well need to be paid back if she has any Hope of a council property.

If she won’t divulge anything, you could think about taking matters into your own hands. You are sisters so I imagine your voices sound similar if you wish to make any enquiries by phone for example.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 09/05/2019 05:27

So stop being a doormat and demand she looks for alternative housing/ go to the council and starts the application process.

We cannot possibly advise you when “she will go to the council”

Flip

1 2