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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go? Am I being a baby?

51 replies

Figure8 · 08/05/2019 05:57

Hi
So, a friend of mine and I planned to go to a festival, just the two of us.
She then said she wanted to invite a few other friends who had never been,apparently they had discussed the idea of going. All that was absolutely fine.

It's now a fairly big group ( 8 or 10) and I don't know anyone else apart from my friend. They are all friends, go out toms, and obviously know each other really well.

I'm confident, but I don't thrive on meeting new people.

And .... they're all planning a theme ( lots of glitter and matching outfits).

That really just isn't my thing. If others want to do it, brilliant, but it's not my thing. I'm in my forties, I'm so bloody past doing things to fit in.

So, would I be a baby if I bail?

OP posts:

LuckyLou7 · 08/05/2019 06:59

I agree with PP in that it very much depends on what sort of festival it is. I wouldn't imagine all of the gang will want to see all of the same acts all at the same time. You won't be wandering around all together, I expect you'll split up into 2s and 3s. I would definitely go (probably minus the matching outfits and glitter) and decide in advance which acts you want to see, and plan your day/s accordingly. Festivals are generally bloody good fun with something for everyone. However, if you really feel daunted at the prospect, then don't go.

Amfeelingfline · 08/05/2019 07:05

I long for the days when we used to do that, bag full of fancy dress, glitter, etc they were the places where you could do what the hell you like as no one cares at all. Bestival used to be my favourite with the themes. I once dressed as the sea floor . I’d definitely go and even pack an outfit, just in case. You never know you might be taken by it all and end up feeling like it. If not you don’t have to wear it.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 08/05/2019 07:10

It sounds like fun to me....BUT, I wouldn’t go if I was you, life is too short and it’s gonna cost you money. Bail your friend should understand.

dayswithaY · 08/05/2019 07:21

Initially you really wanted to go so I would grit my teeth and still go. In a group like that there will definitely be someone like you who's not so into the glitter and outfits and you can pal up with them. You always get splinter groups. Dress how you want but warn your friend first that you're not doing the glitter theme. Sometimes when you're dreading an event it's never as bad as you think. I'm a big fan of occasionally stepping out of your comfort zone.

MadAboutWands · 08/05/2019 07:36

It spends on how much you wanted to go to that festival vs how much you hate the glitter and matching outfits with people you dint know.

Personally, I would tell your friend that you isn’t like sparky matching outfit and are not going to join in with that but are looking forward to go to the festival and enjoy yourself with them.
After all, THEY are the add on not you.

lablablab · 08/05/2019 07:40

It's a shame for you to miss out though. Could you not go along and see how it goes? It might be ok and you might make friends with these people - you don't have to do the matching outfit thing!

Hatemadeupwords · 08/05/2019 07:41

Agree life's too short to do want you don't want to. But equally life is too short to miss out on an event because of glitter and matching outfits.
I know I would feel the same as you but having been in a similar position I also am pretty sure you will end up having a good time. Agree that festivals are much better with a crowd (and safer) I think PP who said pack an outfit is a good plan, but go in what you feel comfortable.

bamboofibre · 08/05/2019 07:44

I hate themes. That alone would be the clencher for me. I'd bail.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/05/2019 07:46

That sounds bloody AWFUL!

Don't go - but tell your friend why.

kateandme · 08/05/2019 07:52

does you friend know its not your kind of thing.does she assume you would enjoy this too?would she change if she new you wouldnt because shed actually want you to go?
this sounds awful ynbu this is the kind of thing i think "why am i so uncool/boring" as i just dont see this kind of thing as fun.
my festival would be tea toast and a box set!

TheSerenDipitY · 08/05/2019 07:52

just say no!!! Glitter is harder to get rid of than herpes!!!!!!

AntiHop · 08/05/2019 07:54

Yanbu. Are tickets still on sale? Is there someone else who could come with you? Your friend is rude to do this.

Damntheman · 08/05/2019 07:54

That sounds like a nightmare to me! The goal posts have been moved and I'd no longer be interested. Find someone else to go with instead :)

Vulpine · 08/05/2019 07:57

You don't have to wear glitter and you might have fun, have some amazing experiences and make new friends. Or you could sit at home and watch Netflix. Why not live a little.

ilovebronn · 08/05/2019 07:58

Can't you just go but say no thanks to the glitter shit? A serious anaphylactic issue?
If you want to go don't let them put you off! Just be polite but enjoy your day how you want!

dudsville · 08/05/2019 08:02

I know some people who are so extroverted they would have a really good time in this scenario. They are so extroverted they wouldn't doubt it. As you're doubting it I'm guessing you're as extroverted as this, meaning you could possibly have a good time but it isn't garunteed. So you're left with taking a risk, perhaps with an escape plan in place, or cashing in your chips altogether.

averythinline · 08/05/2019 08:04

I would go to the festival as you wanted to go and ignore all the glitter/matching outfit stuff ....

Annasgirl · 08/05/2019 08:08

OP, you are quite reasonable to bail. The wonderful thing about reaching your 40s is you realise that life is too short to do things you hate just to fit in.

If YOU don't feel you would enjoy it then don't go. Your friend turned a planned event for 2 into a dress up event for 8. I wouldn't go either if this happened to me. Like you I am confident but I hate being the new person with a large group, I always feel left out. I would not spend a weekend at a festival like this.

Other people will come on and say they would love it - they are not you. Either get a compromise that suits you or don't go. But I would definitely tell my friend why. I can't believe she did this to you.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 08/05/2019 08:11

YANBU to now not want to go, it's not the same festival weekend it was going to be now that it's glitter and sparkles and matching outfits. I've just dropped out of a weekend away that a friend is planning, because she's now invited a bunch of people from her home town that I've never met. It was planned be a relaxing break but the goalposts have moved. She'll still have a fab time and it would've been nice to go when it was just our friendship group, but most of us aren't going now and so it'd be me, her and a load of her mates. It now really isn't my thing, and that's ok because it's still at the planning stage and nothing's booked or paid for.

I'd be gently honest with your friend, I think you're reasonable to change your mind.

diddl · 08/05/2019 08:12

I wouldn't be interested in the glitter & matching outfits, but if you were fine with the extras going, seems a shame to drop out due to what they're wearing.

Springwalk · 08/05/2019 08:18

Although I take my hat off to the women that can still do glitter and matching outfits post forty, it is not everyone's idea of fun (at all) I think bailing out now if you can't or don't want to fully join in is a good idea, given you will stand out a mile in the group without your non glitter unmatched outfit, you will feel even more uncomfortable!

DuffBeer · 08/05/2019 08:20

I hate fancy dress with a passion.

However, I think if you go and don't dress up, you may set yourself up for some piss taking from her friends. You don't know them after all.

regmover · 08/05/2019 08:24

I'd go if I felt that I could just not take the fancy dress and do my own thing and enjoy it. If not I would tell my friend that I've decided not to go - never using the word sorry - and be honest about why. No need to say much, just that you don't really enjoy crowds and would rather not go away with a large group of people you don't know. Then quietly stick to that.

PeachesAndMayo · 08/05/2019 08:42

By your 40's you shouldn't need to ask permission not to go to anything. Just say no. She might be puzzled but she'll be there with her pals so don't worry about your pal. JUst make sure you're not missing out on something you are keen on because of others. Guaranteed you'd meet someone else you could chat to there.

Lovemusic33 · 08/05/2019 08:44

I posted a similar thread a few months ago where my friend asked me out for my birthday and then invited all her friends (people I didn’t know). I didn’t go, told her I was busy and that I didn’t want to eat out with a load of strangers.

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