Anyone?

[Normanpricesmum]

Not entirley sure i have posted this under the right topic so apologies in advance!

Currently a single parent to 2 DC under 5 - finally managed to leave their abusive narcassistic DF last year - i gave up my career etc to care for my DC despite being unmarried etc but after suffering with horrendous depression for the last 18 months or so i am finally getting into the swing of things and have landed my dream job which i am due to start next week and i cant blimming wait to get a bit of myself back and start building a life rather than feeling like i am existing!

DF sees DC a couple of times a week (if he is free and doesnt have other plans)and despite and he agreed he would be happy to collect DC from nursery for 2 nights a week and have them for an hour or so so i could get back from work - today he has announced he will, in no uncertain terms, be doing this as it doesnt fit in with his partners work pattern nor can he afford the additional fuel to do so twice a week.

This now puts me in a tricky situation as i have paid the deposit to secure their nursery spaces and i cannot increase their time at nursery as they dont have enough spaces nor can i source a local childminder to collect them both and have them until around 7pm for two days (they will be with a childminder for the additional 3 days but she does not have the capactiy to facilitate these additional hours) now i am panicking my chance at my new job is ruined as i dont imagine it will look great if i contact them to explain the above although it feels like their DF is still trying to maintain a level of control over me and i am panicking about what to do now, i was thinking about contacting new employer and explaining the situation to see if their is any flexibility but do i just need to accept i may be fighting a losing battle as the position advertised which i accepted was full time.

Do you have this in writing...
"DF sees DC a couple of times a week (if he is free and doesnt have other plans)and despite and he agreed he would be happy to collect DC from nursery for 2 nights a week and have them for an hour or so so i could get back from work"

Do you have a court order for access or one that implies he will have them in the evening?
Do you have family, or he has family that could help?

You must keep that job so start with the nursery. See if there’s anything that can be done. Then look for another paid solution for now, a college student who can pick them up and bring them home till you get there or similar. You must not put in place any set up where your ex has the ability to fuck with you or cause you problems. Because he will. So take that power out of his hands.

Good luck!

Presumably you haven't got a DM who could pickup? Or a friend? Ask the lady who runs the nursery if there's a Facebook group - maybe one of the other mums could do it twice a week?

I can't imagine it will go down well with your new employer if you try to change hours before you've even started.
It's really sucky but you need to find a solution thy doesn't rely on your ex partner, he's clearly not the kind of person that is interested in helping you out or being reliable.
Being a working single mum is really tough, I hope you find something that works for you and your children

Agree with pp try the nursery again, the childminder then other childminder's, try members of staff from the nursery who could do with the extra cash then try friends. Try everything. If all fails then contact the new job. It will be easier to put something in place for now and speak to work once you've been there a while and things are going well.

I only communicate with him via text and yes he has confirmed this (he couldnt see them last weekend as he was on holiday - this is a regular occurence) - no court order i have not had funds to get one sorted and he just threatens me with court action all the time and i have told him numerous times to do this so that we can all be clear on what access looks like but it seems to fall on deaf ears!
Ive done my feeling guilty about working FT part but he is now of the opinion that the courts will only look at this in his favour - i spoke with nursery earlier, they have no suggestions and not sure how i would get a college student at such short notice? I cant really afford to pay for any additional childcare as even though it's my dream job the starting salary isn't that fantastic and ironically i will already be £30 a week worse off (thanks Universal Credit) than i was on tax credits (i had to put in for UC as i got this job - i have since found out this did not need to happen but i am clueless and there is no going back from UC now)

My DM doesnt drive , lives about a 40 min drive from me aand the nursery is close to where i live as en route to work (so easier for dropping off etc)