To be cross that my husband never pays me a compliment?

[JustCallMeSliths]

My husband never, literally never, says anything nice about how I look. He never criticises my appearance either. He just doesn't care. At most, if I badger him I'll get "it's alright" but even then it is mostly "dunno" (aka don't care) and a shrug. I don't badger him btw. That response is worse than no response.

A few weeks ago I was a bridesmaid and felt very self conscious about my dress. I actually asked him for a compliment because I felt awful and he just smirked. Today I have had a big hair change that is so different to anything I've had before that there is no way he wouldn't have noticed. He hasn't even acknowledged it.

I challenged him once and got some glib "you always look nice" lazy rubbish. Blatantly not true.

On the one hand, sod him, I don't need his affirmation but on the other hand, it would be nice to hear him say I look pretty sometimes, especially when he knows I'm feeling bad.

OH and I don't really pay each other compliments unless we both go to a lot of effort and really look different to the norm.

We tend to be quite honest with each other and joke about the state of our declining bodies, which in a weird way makes me feel better, as it shows my OH he is not expecting me to be dressed up all of the time.

OH hates high maintenance, superficial women anyway. Which is just as well being in a relationship with me!

Sorry if that sounded harsh...wasnt my intention. If you compliment him then we could be into the old" Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" territory. This is a timeless book which , if you haven't read it , generally appears in most top 100 book lists. Although pretty stereotypical it presents the differences in wiring between the sexes in a way most people can relate to. It is an engaging read and whilst not making excuses for this kind of thing explains why we so often each dont understand each others priorities/points of view..

Shakespeare said "love not with the eyes but with the mind' maybe your husband doesn't consider your looks important, that is not a bad thing.

I have never complimented or been complimented much in any relationship. Why? If the relationship is good and solid it isn't necessary, (to me or them), and if it isn't good then compliments will not make it any better.

If I live with someone I want them to see me as a person - whether slobbing on sofa with a cold or dressed for work. I would be highly suspicious of compliments. But each to their own.

Do you have a good relationship otherwise? He doesn't sound very nice.

(I'm talking about compliments on appearance as I think the OP is - not support as in "Yeah, you should go for that promotion, you'll totally smash it!" or manners as in "That dinner was delicious - thank you - my turn tomorrow" ).

OH and I always compliment each other. Especially if we can see we have made an effort for a night out or whatever.

I do think it is different for every relationship but I think most people need something every once in a while. I dont even think it takes that much effort.

But it sounds like your OH has some severe communication problems? Won't verbalize he's sorry? Won't give you a compliment? Won't reassure you?

You do say he say compliments you in other ways though - maybe those are the things that he values in your relationship? So he doesn't put much stock in the materialistic/aesthetic side of you. But he does truly appreciate your strength of character.

I suppose when you look at it like that, it's quite endearing.

Be nice to have a little compliment every now and again when you make an effort though.