To tell him to just give up?

[Cruelstepmother]

My stepson has had about 50 driving lessons. He took his test today and failed with 12 faults. His instructor says he needs another 30 lessons before he retakes! He's 37, suffers with depression and is dyslexic. AIBU to suggest he just gives up and doesn't bother? The last thing he needs is to keep failing at stuff. He really can't afford the lessons, let alone paying for a car and its running costs anyway - he doesn't work and isn't likely to do so any time soon, and we live in a place with good public transport.

I think he's a grown man who can make his own decisions. So long as it's his money, you really don't have a say in this.

Have all the lessons been with the same instructor?

I don't think encouraging anyone to give up when they face disappointment, however old, is a good thing.

Aside from that, It's none of your business what he spends his money on, unless he's specifically asked you for your opinion/advice.

I would suggest a different instructor. Sometimes it just helps. Has he tried learning in an automatic? That might make it easier.

FWIW I’m dyslexic and probably have dyspraxia tendencies. I had 45 lessons before I took my test but then passed first time. I put this down to having a great instructor who knew how to teach me and when I was ready.

He's already changed instructors three times. And it may not be 'my business', but that doesn't mean I don't care.

He wasn't ready? Perhaps a different instructor would have identified that. Someone once said to me "what do you need to be able to drive for?" I think your concern comes from a good and kind place but when that was said to me I found it pretty annoying and patronising.

Try a change of instructor. He one he is with obviously isn't getting the best out of him.

YANBU.

Not everyone should be on the roads, tbh. Driving is a skill like any other and not everyone is good enough (or safe enough) to be given a license, no matter how hard they try.

Has he tried for an automatic license? My DS passed at his fifth attempt and got an automatic license.

Another vote for an automatic. Personally I hate them but I have driven manual most of my life. I imagine it would take a lot of pressure off and he could concentrate on things other than gear changes and the risk of stalling.

I just passed in an automatic last year age 34.

I had over 60 lessons. I don't think I would have ever passed in a manual.

Encourage him to drive an automatic and/or change instructors. The worst thing you can do is tell him to give up. There's always a way and he needs to find it. When he achieves that it'll boost his confidence and it'll improve his employment prospects.

I am dyslexic and it took me 70 odd lessons to take my test. I did a bit of meditation before hand and passed first time. He may be buckling under pressure and self-- doubt. It's hard when you don't learn like others, it errods your confidence no end.

He should try on a automatic car!!

Don't tell him anything. Ask him how he feels, if he enjoys his lessons, etc.

I had way more than 50 lessons before I passed and I'm not dyslexic. Imagine what it will do for his self esteem when he passed. It sounds as if he's been hearing 'just don't bother' all his life tbh. My mother's like that, it's very disheartening when your parents should be championing you and spurring you on.

I had about 100 lessons and finally passed my driving test on my 5th attempt. I'm so glad I persevered. I've now been driving for 20 years so it paid off in the end.

The Queen Elizabeth Foundation do a fitness to drive assessment. It's so good and they also help with the theory.

Were his faults majors or minors?