AIBU or is dd?

[Rosabeena]

Context: We live very near a secondary school - around 3:30pm every weekday lots of cars hover on our road and children walk over to be picked up. Our house is part of a small group of 4 houses that you turn off the road to get to - but this turning is just an entrance, not a minor road.

At around 3:30 dd (aged 14) and I got in the car to drive into town. A car was blocking the turning out of our group of houses. I asked dd to jump out of the car and go and knock on the driver's window to ask them to move. Dd refused, reached over and honked the horn.

DD thinks I was being ridiculous for not wanting to use the horn (and has had a strop at me for getting annoyed with her). I think it would have taken 10 seconds for dd to politely ask the woman to move.

AIBU? I know it's not an earth-shattering problem, I'm just interested as to whether people would honk or ask in this situation.

I’d have beeped too🤷‍♀️

I would have just honked the horn. If my mum had asked me to do this at 14 I would have been too shy to go knock on the window.

I'd probably do a friendly beep beep and wave tbh. There are honks and HOOOONKS iyswim.

It’s what the horn is for so you were being unreasonable. But I don’t think a passenger should be operating the car. I know it’s the horn not the handbrake but she was unreasonable there.

That's why they invented horns, to let dimwits know they're dimwits.

I'd have been far too embarrassed to do that at 14!

Your DD was right - the horn is there for precisely that reason!

I'd have honked the horn too. Actually I would have driven right up to where the other person was parked, and if they didn't notice me trying to exit, and get out of the way for me, that's when I would have honked the horn.

I'd have honked too. So your DD was right and you're BU.

At 14 I would have died rather than go and ask a stranger to move. In the circumstances, I think a horn toot was fine.

Clearly I was being unreasonable - I’ll have to apologise to dd!

The horn is to signify danger - honking it in those circumstances was illegal

www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/answers/when-is-it-illegal-to-use-your-horn

You shouldn't have asked DD to approach the car, you don't know what kind of twat was in the other car. People can be such dicks when it comes to cars.

She shouldn't have honked the horn either but she probably felt a bit flustered and reacted to things a bit hastily.

Yes agree with others at 14 years old I would rather do anything than ask the driver to move, a quick beep and a thank you wave when they moved would have sufficed.

You shouldn't have asked DD to approach the car, you don't know what kind of twat was in the other car. People can be such dicks when it comes to cars

Exactly this. There is no chance I'd send my dd over to someones car, you've no idea who you are dealing with. She was right, you should have just beeped

If your daughter hadn't been in the car what would you have done?

As thats what you should have done

I’d say a bit of both - SWBU to honk your horn, only the driver should do that, and its akin to grabbing the wheel. Driver only.
BUT, a short beep was perfectly appropriate in the situation, so she should’ve just said so instead of doing it. If you didn’t want to beep, you should’ve gotten out to ask them to move.
I hate overuse of horns, but this one was probably ok.

I would have honked the horn too.

If you wanted someone to speak to the car driver then why didn’t you just get out and do it? As I’m assuming this is what you would have done had DD not been in the car

I agree with several of the above. I'm shocked that you would have your child confront a stranger in their car. You have no idea who they are, what their mental state is, or what they are capable of.

I'm shocked that you would have your child confront a stranger in their car

Really? Maybe we live in different sorts of areas. I’m talking about middle-aged mothers picking up their children from a nice secondary school in a sleepy town.

I don’t personally see danger in that scenario.

Regarding why I asked dd to do it, if I’m driving & something needs doing I often ask one of the dc to jump out of the car e.g. to post a letter or get something from Sainsbury’s. It just seems easier for them to do it than the driver.

But if dd hadn’t been with me I would of course have done it myself.

It's illegal to sound your horn in those circumstances.

Do you think all middle-aged Mothers are pleasant or even sane?

Nope. That sort of thing can be inflammatory. Your DD is a child. You're the driver...your job.

So I disagree it was right to beep the horn when you hadn't spoken to the car in front and I disagree that a passenger Is ever right to reach over and take that choice from the driver.

However I also don't think it's ok to ask as 14yr old to nip out and confront a unknown driver. I wouldn't have had that level of confidence at 14.

So I think you were both unreasonable she shouldn't have beeped that's up to you as the driver (before I'm flamed I think only the driver should ever beep the horn regardless of age) but you shouldn't have asked her to be then one to nip out and speak to the other driver. It's a 50:50 error in my opinion.