AIBU to be hurt/angry at non-pregnant remarks

[Psalmist21]

I have 4 children. Last 2 were over 9kg so my tummy was huge. Found out that I have Diastasis Recti whilst researching as my tummy is still big - even though I’m losing weight. I usually wear a waist trainer but was in a rush to leave the house. This lady asked me today “when is the baby due?”and I felt so angry, embarrassed and hurt. It’s not the first time this happened. I would never assume that a woman is pregnant just because her abdomen is high. AIBU to think that people are insensitive and don’t think before they talk?

a 9 kilo baby ? thats 20 lbs, just shy of 2 stone

Do you mean 9 pounds rather than Kg? I hope so!

Some people are twats sometimes. Includes her, you, and me. Life goes on.

Are waist trainers safe ??

The comments happen to me (and my last baby was 2.5kg so I don't think it's a size-of-baby thing). It's partly because I'm slim otherwise and very flat-chested so it (literally and figuratively) sticks out more.

I don't let the comments affect me, tbh. People don't think. And having a tummy after giving birth to three children isn't what defines me, quite frankly.

Oh god, I have had this too. Also have diastasis Recti. Its awful when it happens but they are the ones who should be embarrassed, not you.

The problem isn’t really the 9lb babies, it’s the other kids you pick up and haul around while your tummy muscles are separated to accommodate the bump. You put tremendous pressure on the relaxed muscles carrying other kids. I had 4 under 5 and my tummy muscles took a serious beating by the last one. I did far too much (unavoidable) carrying of heavy things with no core.

But look, you’ve a round tummy right now that looks like a pregnancy. So what. It’s not a pregnancy. Just tell them ‘oh no, I’m not pregnant but have had 4 and my tummy muscles have been damaged. So unlucky’ and then move on. Don’t get all upset over something that is nobody’s fault and is only an issue because of what you think a body should look like.

Unfortunately it's something us ladies have to endure! People shouldn't ever assume as it is rude and hurtful! I had a customer ask me when I was at my skinniest, I was size 10 and four yummy! She was drunk and just a bit of a twat I think.
I used to work with a lady who had the same thing as you when she was asked and when she replied that she wasn't pregnant the other lady asked how old her youngest was, my colleague replied 6 and the other lady said 'oh you don't really have an excuse then'! As I said some people are just twats!

I had this happen to me twice after my second DC both times were mortifying.

It's rude but this is how people are sometimes. Take heart that you're not the only one

Happened to me twice after I had my DC. Once in a shop where a woman told her son to go stand outside as he had chicken pox and it's dangerous to be around pregnant ladies, then at a wedding when the man handing out the champagne held my glass back while looking at my tummy.

The second one was particularly annoying as, even if I was pregnant, surely it would be up to me to choose whether to have the champagne or not (I wouldn't, but that's beside the point).

It will go, both of these happened around 6-8 weeks pp. within 8 months I had lost 4 stone and had a flat tum again until I got pregnant again and now back at square one.

@Happyspud

Exactly. I have a bit of a sticky out tummy from dc2 cs. It's a lot better now, but when it was worse, I just had to learn to shrug it off. So what? It looked like I was pregnant but I wasn't. I have had two DCs and it's made my body a bit different. Unlucky for me, but, that's life!

Oh sorry 9lb 🙂

Unfortunately it's something us ladies have to endure!

Yup. I've had it said to me to. I was quite slim at the time, just had a little bit of a tummy going on. Some people are just rude.

I don't think it's worth getting upset and angry over. Lots of women have big tummies after having babies, it's an easy mistake to make. People see a protruding tummy in a woman of childbearing age and automatically think pregnancy. Of course they shouldn't comment, but people love asking 'when's it due?' as it's a social ice breaker. When I had the start of a bump (around 20 weeks pregnant) I was amazed by how many people noticed and commented on it, such a risk to comment unless you're sure she's actually pregnant!

Have you had physio or considered surgical options to repair the diastasis?

People should really stop asking. It always has the potential to embarrass, upset and humiliate a woman. It’s not worthwhile.

Aw, one of the nice things when pregnant was how delighted complete strangers were for me. I was always happy to chat. I’d hate a world where everybody walks around mortally offended by everything and too scared to acknowledge major life events. So many strangers started conversations around my engagement ring too. It’s similar. Everyone is just reliving the joy for a few minutes.

Last year I bumped into an old work colleague I hadn’t seen for around 7 years. She pointed at my tummy and said “oooh a baby” I politely laughed it off saying “no, I’m just fat ha ha” but I actually cried in the car on the way home. She won’t ask anyone else in a hurry though as she felt mortified and kept apologising.

Onestepsideways
I definitely have. A bit apprehensive though

Thank you for your comments. Now I know I’m not the only one.