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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really stressed. Starting work NEXT WEEK and my 1 year old only feeds to sleep.

18 replies

Khad1ja · 07/05/2019 12:47

My one year old always needs to be fed to sleep. I have tried rocking and patting etc but does not make a difference. He doesn't even go in his pushchair, hates the pushchair!. I have managed to get him to drink out of a sippy cup in preparation for me going back to work but when it comes to nap time, he screams until I put him on the breast. I'm really worried about how others will manage to put him to sleep? Have officially ran out of time..What shall I do ?

I'm only going back to work part time 9.00-1.00pm. Only 4 hours but I'm still so anxious. Any help ? Anyone been in same boat?

OP posts:

Lazypuppy · 07/05/2019 12:49

Honestly, he will fine as you won't be there. What has happened in the past when someone else has been looking after him?

UCOinanOCG · 07/05/2019 12:50

What are you using for childcare? If he is going to a nursery or childminder you may find that in a different environment he manages well. You won't be there so he just won't be fed to sleep. He will either drop his morning nap or sleep anyway. I am sure he will be cuddled if distressed but i suspect he will soon get used to the routine and not make a fuss.

DippyAvocado · 07/05/2019 12:51

He will be fine. At my DC's nursery they always managed to get them off to sleep much better than I did!

frenchknitting · 07/05/2019 12:53

Who will be looking after him? Mine were both the same, and I was out the house much longer on my working days - 6am - 6pm.

However, as soon as I wasn't there, they happily napped for their dad/nursery/grandparents. They would nap in their arms, in the buggy or even in the cot. I have literally never managed to get a child to nap in a cot, but they did it for everyone else.

And going until 2pm without a nap probably isn't too much of an issue at 1 anyway? You will all just adjust to your new routine.

Try not to worry.

LampHat · 07/05/2019 12:54

My DS was like this (still is). But some witchcraft at nursery means he settles fine and sleeps for hours without me! I might have to ask them to teach DH the magic spell ...

shitholiday2018 · 07/05/2019 13:02

I’m going to be blunt. He only feeds to sleep because you have made this the routine. He’ll get a new routine at nursery which doesn’t involve feeding to sleep. Capitalise on this and change routines at home. I have friends whose 9 year old won’t go to sleep on their own STILL! Teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own is a vital part of parenting if you want any kind of life at all.

nutbrownhare15 · 07/05/2019 13:06

The feeding to sleep is with you. With someone else they'll find another way. Even if they don't initially, it's only 4 hrs. It will be ok. I still sit with my almost 4 year old and have a life (or did til newborn came along)

Drogosnextwife · 07/05/2019 13:15

I'm a childminder and have had this a few times with breastfed children. They will go to sleep with other people when they are tired. I haven't had a child yet who can go all day without a nap. He is looking for milk from you because that's what he is used to. I have a little boy just now who looks for milk from me when he is tired 😂 but then he realises I'm not mum and he will go to sleep with none.

Original poster

Khad1ja · 07/05/2019 13:33

Tbh nobody has ever looked after him for more than 2 hours. Everyone always says he's high maintenance. In terms of childcare hes going to be with his grandparents two days and nursery 3 days.

Your replies are exactly what i needed to hear. Thank you, even though I won't believe it until I see it!

Once he is okay at nursery I need to somehow tackle this feed to sleep association but at the moment I will be happy if anybody else can even get him to sleep!

OP posts:

SherlockSays · 07/05/2019 13:38

Although my DD isn't fed to sleep, she is rocked to sleep and nursery were fine with this and she's been napping great. She's 9 months old and started last week.

Nursery will be absolutely used to it and DD will just fall in line naturally.

mindutopia · 07/05/2019 13:40

They’ll manage and he’ll be fine. I went back to work when my youngest was 12 months. It was unexpected and happened very quickly (I was offered a job and a big promotion I couldn’t refuse).

At that point he’d only ever been fed to sleep and had never really been cared for by anyone other than my dh and only for a few hours. I also went straight into 12 hour days. Some days leaving the house before he woke and only coming home just before bedtime. He was absolutely fine and nursery had no trouble getting him to sleep. 2 months later he also sleeps better at night and I don’t even need to feed him to sleep at home anymore.

squiglet111 · 07/05/2019 13:45

My daughter was similar and i too had similar panic when I had to go back to work. What I soon came to realise, is that she acts that way for me, but everyone else she just gets on with it! So don't worry! He will find his way and adapt.

My daughter is 14 months now and still wants to feed to sleep when with me, but will sleep fine with granny or childminders or whoever she is with when I'm not there!

snarfblatt · 07/05/2019 13:53

@Khad1ja I went back FT at 8 months, my dc only fed to sleep, wouldn't take milk from a bottle and was very clingy and not eating much by way of solid food at home. The first couple of sessions he struggled to get to sleep and my childminder pissed me off by saying I needed to stop bf-ing as he was 'looking for breast' but in literally a few days she managed to get him to sleep by rocking him or just putting him down, and he'd go to sleep for an unprecedented 2 hours.

He's over 3 now and I'm still feeding him to sleep most nights but other people can get him to sleep without! Try not to worry - childcare professionals have seen, and dealt with, it all. They'll manage and your ds will be fine

Laserbird16 · 07/05/2019 13:55

He'll be fine :) I totally understand your anxiety though! My DD would only feed to sleep but when I went back to work she adjusted. She started childcare when she was 18 months, the first few days she would fall asleep whenever she was tired with a bit of patting on a mat. Then she would just put herself to bed. She goes to sleep no problem at childcare , slightly irksome because at home I still can't get her to nap without feeding her and she is almost 3! Fine at time bed time but dad has to put her to sleep if we are to avoid breastfeeding, she did try him enough once when she was drifting off and then quickly abandoned the attempt when she got his hairy chest! She has settled for stroking his beard instead! Enjoy your return to work, I loved being able to drink tea, have a conversation that kept on topic for more than 10 seconds and go to the loo by myself!

cheesybakedbean · 07/05/2019 14:13

It’s stressful thinking about it but it will be fine when the time comes. DD started nursery at 11 months and had been fed to sleep up to then, the nursery staff managed fine by patting / stroking and she’s slept fine there from the start.

Now at 22 months she will still only feed to sleep with me though

RoseGoldEagle · 07/05/2019 14:26

I could have written your post 18 months ago, my DD was exactly the same and I was so stressed about the whole thing. From day one she slept at the childminders no problem at all- I was honestly amazed! I then had to go away with work when she was about 18 months old, just for a few nights but it was the first time I’d left her overnight- I had the same fear about how she’d get to sleep at night without being able to feed from me. Husband said she was asleep in 5 mins! Your DS will honestly be fine x

Purplejay · 07/05/2019 15:24

He will be fine. The nursing is with you and they will find another way at nursery. When I went back to work when DS was 11 months they said they would rock DS in their arms or in the pushchair and he was fine. At 2 (and 3) he would still feed to sleep at home (or drop off in the car) but at nursery would actually sleep on a mat on the floor with all the others when nap time was declared! I have no idea how they did it!

Original poster

Khad1ja · 08/05/2019 22:36

Thanks everyone. I need to see it to believe it but it's a huge load off just reading the comments. Omg somebody mentioned tea. I never bloody get a hot cup any more , those were the days ! Haha

Normally I'm just a ghost reader but will defo be posting more now !

OP posts:

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