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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get an overwhelming sense of danger from a stranger?

676 replies

ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 09:57

The weirdest thing just happened. I’m in the supermarket and as I’m stood selected and bagging vegetables I suddenly feel very uncomfortable.
There is a man about 50 something stood with his elderly mother a few feet away to the side of me and I felt very sick and uncomfortable when I looked at him.
Absolutely no reason for it but it was overwhelming, like a sense of fear he was not a good man.

Completely clueless why I felt that way I moved along quickly but I crossed paths with him again in another aisle and knew he was there before I saw him because the sick / anxious feeling returned.

Anyone else ever had this? I don’t have anxiety or anything but this feeling was so odd, like I could sense he wasn’t a good person.

Never met him before, he could be perfectly lovely but my physical reaction to him was so strong Confused

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 08:39

Not sure I believe in the “real genuine gut reactions” either to be honest.

Tinyteatime · 09/05/2019 08:40

Children of addicts (which I also am) are believed by experts in the field to be very tuned in too.

Interesting. I’m one too and I’ve always been really good at ‘reading’ people. My DH has absolutely no ability to do so and is always taken in by people I’d have run a mile from, and I always turn out to be right.

Slightly off subject (the man wasn’t creepy or horrible) but an example is I briefly met a good friend of dhs father. Stable family, successful career, 3 lovely teen kids, happily married was all I knew about him at that point and it was literally a 2 min hi/bye meeting. A few months later dh told me that friends dad had died suddenly. I just said ‘he committed suicide’. DH thought I was bananas. Turned out he had, in an incredibly horrible and violent manner. Now my own df killed himself so It might be that I picked up on something or that I guess statistically it’s a big cause of death in men in that age group (50s). Apparently he had no history of depression (that his family knew of ). DH just couldn’t understand how I knew but since then he’s been less quick to dismiss my ‘feelings’ about people. Although he still takes the piss a fair bit.

RuffleCrow · 09/05/2019 08:58

Met too, Bertrand, i know there have been studies that show less attractive people suffer many more 'micro-aggressions' and the reverse is true of more attractive people -'micro kindnesses' perhaps? I wonder how many of the former were put down to a justification of 'bad vibes'?

Having said that, i would urge all of you to watch Killing Eve as it's about an exceptionally beautiful and charismatic young woman who does exceptionally awful things. The cognitive dissonance alone was enough to send shivers down my spine.

Blablaa · 09/05/2019 09:07

Please please give some more clues as to who the sleb is

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 09:15

I just think Christopher Jeffries.

DointItForTheKids · 09/05/2019 09:17

Yes, great example.

clairemcnam · 09/05/2019 09:20

It is true that we meet and walk by rapists and child abusers every day and don't realise. But I think sometimes when we do realise, it is because we have been chosen as the prey.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/05/2019 09:20

It’s DW ? The sleb. Been thinking about it all
Morning !!

RuffleCrow · 09/05/2019 09:23

Yes, that's who i was trying to recall earlier. Perfect example and all because he has a certain 'look/vibe' combined with living in close proximity to Joanna Yeates. Meanwhile the handsome actual murderer must have been grateful for the diversion.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 09:34

Somewhere on this thread a poster said she had got “bad vibes” from someone but was slapped down when she tried to share her concerns. She may have been slapped down, but she had still sown seeds in other people’s minds- which is how rumours spread.

bobstersmum · 09/05/2019 09:35

Have to say I totally disagree with the people saying that particular celeb is a wrong un. He can't help how he looks!

bobstersmum · 09/05/2019 09:35

And yes it's dw that they're all saying!

clairemcnam · 09/05/2019 09:36

Yes although the Head at the school where he worked said publicly at the time, no way. That really struck me at the time, because you have to be pretty sure to say that in public about an employee.

Tinyteatime · 09/05/2019 09:38

I don’t find dw creepy at all. He puts on characters that are meant to be sometimes though?

Also the guy who was accused in the MM case is another example. I think accusing people of crimes on a hunch or feeling is wrong. But moving away or distancing yourself from contact with someone who you feel is threatening is a bit different no?

PropagandaMachine · 09/05/2019 10:00

The Christopher Jefferies case was horrific. Poor man.
He was a bit eccentric, so when he’s taken in for questioning by the police (not unreasonable - he was JY’s landlord and neighbour) there were scores of gutter press reports and comments that he was a weirdo; former pupils and tenants saying he was creepy, pervy, they knew he was a wrong ‘un etc. Splashed all over national papers.

I do wonder how many innocent people have had a crap time at the hands of people who “just know” that someone’s a wrong ‘un?

This^

There’s a school dad who seems to hate my guts, no idea why. It amuses me more than anything. But such irrational treatment could be pretty damaging in certain circumstances.

Boysey45 · 09/05/2019 10:30

That Barry George was another one, who served part of quite a long sentence and was the main suspect because he was odd and a loner.

clairemcnam · 09/05/2019 10:33

Being odd and a loner is very different from feeling someone is viewing you as prey.

Justonemorepancake · 09/05/2019 10:35

Ah. Dw is a friend of a friend. Never met him. According to friend he's a bit odd but not creepy... don't know how good their judgement is so can't say!

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/05/2019 10:37

Re the Christopher Jeffries case I know someone who knows a person who this sort of thing happened to.

Everyone who didn’t know him called him a weirdo and perv. Those that new him said it was like Christopher Biggins being arrested for being a serial killer. If there was a person who didnt have it him in to do anything nasty it was this person.

Fortunately found not to be him very quickly. But it left its mark and he wasn’t as trusting with people as he used to be.

SelfIdentifyingAsAnonymous · 09/05/2019 10:39

Donald Trump makes me feel like this. Although I suppose that’s fairly justified. He literally turns my stomach.

Very interesting to read about children of addicts being highly tuned into others’ behaviour. I am the child of an addict and this is certainly true of me. And having had a lot of counselling and psychotherapy over the years, several professionals have also affirmed to me that when you grow up in a volatile environment feeling ‘unsafe’, you become hyper vigilant.

A friend of mine who worked in education with excluded students from chaotic backgrounds said the same. She said they’d notice every little thing and pick up on it - her shoes, different earrings or nail polish colour, different perfume or even washing powder smell - because they’re constantly scanning for anything that could be a sign of a threat. Because in their world (and in my childhood world) the threat was always very present and real, so being able to contextualise every minutiae of their environment is useful tool in mitigating that threat.

VerenaR · 09/05/2019 10:45

These stories certainly show the importance of instinct. I have to say, I have only felt this type of visceral fear once in my life. I must have been about 12/13, I was taking my dog for a walk with my father and brother down by the seafront at dusk. To get down to the path, you have to walk down a quiet, very dark street. I was lagging behind a bit, daydreaming and in my only little world, and suddenly this man just came out of nowhere. I looked up, caught eye contact, and in that moment I think I felt the most scared I ever have in my life, before or since! I can't even describe it, it was just this overwhelming feeling of RUN. I just screamed, to get the attention of my DF ahead, and just ran away, only to hear him shout "I didn't do anything, I didn't touch her, I didn't touch her" over and over again. I just felt like he was going to reach out and grab me, was very creeped and shaken, stayed very close by to my family after that.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2019 10:46

“These stories certainly show the importance of instinct.”

Well- no they don’t, actually.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 09/05/2019 10:55

The DW thing. I think he's a bit creepy because I don't think he's genuine. I know he's in showbiz so a certain amount of an act is par for the course. I just get the impression he enjoys keeping people at a distance through the act he puts on. I don't think he's dangerous or evil and I admire him for the swimming thing he did.

I've felt that pure evil feeling in a house I was viewing once but can't remember specifically feeling it about a person. That's not to say I've not avoided men following me in the dark or when I'm running alone. I tend to blanket avoid those situations. I run alone in isolated places a lot. If I see a man on my route and there's nobody else around, I'll just take another path. Might be totally unnecessary but I feel safer doing so.

ThatCurlyGirl · 09/05/2019 10:55

@CharDee your post gave me shivers as I've had exactly the same posting a letter experience and was also rescued from the situation, but by a random passer by.

I think girls in particular are taught to be polite - I was definitely brought up to feel that grown ups were an authority and it was cheeky to "answer back" / rude not to give everyone a kiss when you arrive etc.

But now in our family we tell the kids to trust their instincts and mitigate risks, you can say no to a hug or kiss firmly if you don't want to do it.

A counsellor of mine once said to me to never make a decision in the moment that goes against your instinct just to save you a few minutes of potential awkwardness - I'd like that to be young people's default response to any situation.

Sux2buthen · 09/05/2019 10:57

@BertrandRussell Grin I couldn't agree more