Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked dm to take the Xmas tree down

24 replies

SalemShadow · 07/05/2019 07:09

I don't live with my parents anymore but I have asked my mum to take her Xmas tree down. It is still up and the place has become very cluttered. I have even offered to take it down but she said no. I don't think it's funny as my dad isn't well and the clutter stresses him out. Aibu?

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 07/05/2019 07:10

Of course you aren't being unreasonable it's May!

Rachie1973 · 07/05/2019 07:11

Well you can ask but it’s her house.

Morgan12 · 07/05/2019 07:30

Why does she not want to?

LagunaBubbles · 07/05/2019 07:33

Has your Dad told you this? If its about clutter I'm guessing it's not just about a Christmas tree. But you can't tell other people what to do in their own house.

Samind · 07/05/2019 07:34

Would she be willing to move it into another room?

Banhaha · 07/05/2019 07:42

Is there any other clutter you could help clear up if she's particularly attached to the tree?

ReanimatedSGB · 07/05/2019 08:07

It's up to your dad to negotiate with her, not your business to tell her what to do in her own house.
If you and your dad are concerned that she is unwell, or developing dementia or something, it would be better to talk to a health professional rather than nagging her.

Pardonwhat · 07/05/2019 08:09

Is she mentally well? Could she be under a lot of stress with your dad and be struggling?

PaintingOwls · 07/05/2019 08:09

YABU, it's almost Christmas so it'll save them the hassle of putting it up again.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 07/05/2019 08:17

Apart from the clutter aspect, I’d be feeling very low and out of sync with a Christmas tree up in May, so I feel for your poor dad. Under different circumstances I’d agree that you can’t tell people what to do in their own home, but even if there’s an underlying reason for your mum’s insistence on keeping the tree - ie early onset of her not being well either - your dad’s health also needs to be considered.

In your shoes I’d buy a substitute plant/indoor tree type thing for your mum and take a bit of a harder line with her; get the tree down, sort out the clutter and try and move forward from there. Not an easy one though.

onalongsabbatical · 07/05/2019 08:32

Have you asked her why she wants it still up? Maybe it actually cheers her up in some way?

BigFatLiar · 07/05/2019 08:36

There was a TV program some time ago about people who had Christmas decorations up all year. Someone even had Christmas dinner every week.

If she enjoys it whats the problem, far worse things going on.

(Wait till the kids visit and wonder why Santa didn't leave presents)

Damntheman · 07/05/2019 08:42

You can't just ask someone to take something down in their own house. You can ask if they'd like YOU to do it for them, but then you accept when they say no. Why can't your dad talk to your mum about taking it down if he's bothered by it?

ushuaiamonamour · 07/05/2019 08:59

I opened this thread expecting to see something like '. . .because I'm allergic to the tree and suffer from catarrh after being in her house' or '. . . because i t's in the hallway and she's already taken a fall after bumping into it' or even ' . . . because it's a slight on my Jewish father--she put the menorah back into storage as soon as Hannukah was over'.

Yes you're unreasonable. And presumptuous. You don't go into someone else's house and not only tell them what belongings should be removed but even offer to remove them for them. I'm curious about the reason for your thinking this is OK--are you worried about what her neighbours might think? do you think others should adhere to your definition of 'clutter'? do you think you have an obligation to speak on your father's behalf assuming he has ever so much as whispered a word of complaint about the tree to you? Sorry if I sound harsh but from going on what you've said it's none of your business.

CurtainsOpen · 07/05/2019 09:05

Is your mum Roy Wood?

Easter's gone, so probably have the decorations for sale in Sainsbury's soon. Might as well leave it up.

PeachesAndMayo · 07/05/2019 09:12

I suspect your mum isn't coping with your dad's illness. The clutter is symptomatic - especially if the house was previously not very cluttered. The tree is just trivia - I'd have a word with the health visitor or whoever is looking after your dad and ask them to have a chat with your mum next time to see if there might be a depression developing.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 07/05/2019 10:42

I was wondering about the depression thing as she has had it before but I checked with family and they said they don't think so and keeps saying she is bored. My dad is not well at all and asked her to take it down. She said no. I offered to do it and she said she would get round to it. I don't want to interfere but all the clutter is making my dad stressed. She doesn't listen to him.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 07/05/2019 11:08

but I checked with family and they said they don't think so and keeps saying she is bored honestly family are not the people to evaluate whether or not a person is distressed or struggling.

I don't want to interfere but all the clutter is making my dad stressed. I think you do want to interfere. And it might indeed be perfectly valid to interfere. But not by just overriding your mum.

I think there's a lot going on here and you haven't even scratched the surface - question is, do you want to?

EmeraldShamrock · 07/05/2019 12:08

Is it just the tree or is the place covered in clutter, if this is unusual, ask her to see a GP.
I know it is stressing your Dad but they are both adults, they need to discuss it and sort themself.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/05/2019 12:34

Is your mum usually tidy and houseproud, or not particularly? If the 'clutter' is a new thing, is it because your dad used to do his share of domestic work and now can't because of his illness? It may be that your mum is either depressed or resentful that she has to do so much more - but, again, getting the whole family to nag her is not going to improve the situation.

Jemima232 · 07/05/2019 12:37

Have either or both got dementia?

bluegreygreen · 07/05/2019 13:02

In your shoes I’d buy a substitute plant/indoor tree type thing for your mum and take a bit of a harder line with her; get the tree down, sort out the clutter and try and move forward from there

Wow

Please remember this when someone is making you do something you don't wish to do in your own home

HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 13:04

Well obviously you have no right to make demands of her in her own home but it would concern me yes. Do you have any idea why it's still up? If you want to help making demands will probably make her dig her heels in more you need to know what's driving her behaviour.

LipstickTaserrr · 07/05/2019 13:11

Does she actually recognise that it's a bit odd to still have it up?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread