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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ignorance is rife

14 replies

Raggerty54 · 06/05/2019 19:46

Someone on my Facebook has just shared:

“Mate I am so so so so sick of autism mommies acting like fucking martyrs for having autistic children. Stop posting about how much of a ‘struggle’ bringing ur autistic child up is. How would your child feel if they knew you talked about them this way? Fuck you.”

AIBU to think this is bullshit and that this person has no idea what hell they’re talking about? The lack of empathy and understanding is shocking.

OP posts:

Hedgehogblues · 06/05/2019 19:50

I know loads of autistic people who feel like that

123Helpus · 06/05/2019 19:52

I get you completely 👍🏻 probably going to be slated for this but oh well same for people with fibromyalgia and also breastfeeding mums. Yes we know you have fibromyalgia and yes we know you breastfeed well done congratulations 👏🏻

123Helpus · 06/05/2019 19:54

Ok just realised you are saying they are wrong for that 😂 looks like me too then 🤷‍♀️ It’s true though, it’s just called parenting, everyone has their struggles and need support but it doesn’t need to be a lifestyle choice

StickyBlisteredAnus · 06/05/2019 19:57

I agree with them and I’m awaiting autism diagnosis. Too many people want to be martyrs these day. Constantly rushing to social media to say how hard their life is ... fuck off

Shootingstar1115 · 06/05/2019 20:00

Oh wow. I’m not sure if i could not reply to this post myself if I was you I’m not a very argumentive or confrontational person but that would really wind me up.

Ds has autism. I don’t talk about it a lot and when I do I don’t want sympathy, I hate sympathy but I do it to raise awareness.

I have a friend and once she shared something about how she believe that doctors were too quick to diagnose autism, adhd... It’s pure ignorance. If only she knew how long a diagnosis can take.. and you can’t just do a quick trip to the doctors and get a diagnosis. Ironically her own child is now being assessed.

People don’t get it unless they’ve experience it themselves. I guess I wouldn’t if I didn’t have my son. I knew nothing about asd until I had him but people should always be kind regardless.

AlunWynsKnee · 06/05/2019 20:05

I don't post about autism on my fb but I am in a couple of groups. Same goes for my other conditions.

Skiptheskip · 06/05/2019 20:07

I have a Facebook friend who is constantly updating on how difficult her life with an autistic child is, etc.

Not in a ‘raising awareness’ kind of way, or at least it doesn’t seem like that to me.

Her autistic child (aged 14) is also on Facebook, presumably (but hopefully not) seeing it all. I feel incredibly sorry for him if he is seeing it, because quite frankly some of her posts make it sound like she wishes he was never born.

youarenotkiddingme · 06/05/2019 20:12

I also never post about how raising my autistic ds is difficult.

It's different! But I'm his parent one it's my job.

I do however post on an educational closed group about how difficult it is to get support - a lot!

youarenotkiddingme · 06/05/2019 20:13

I think if you are going to discuss the difficulties use an anon site like MN or similar where everyone is having a chat about how difficult life can be at times.

Inbetween the other stuff

JanMeyer · 06/05/2019 20:17

Stop posting about how much of a ‘struggle’ bringing ur autistic child up is. How would your child feel if they knew you talked about them this way? Fuck you.”

It's a fair point, how do you think autistic kids would feel reading some of the awful stuff some self declared "autism mothers" write online about them? I've read blogs by so called autism mothers who write endless negative stuff about their kids and seemingly never can find anything positive to say about them. And I absolutely hate how they call themselves "autism moms/mothers." I really hate that, they don't have autism so why do they think its ok to appropriate the term for themselves?

Original poster

Raggerty54 · 06/05/2019 20:19

Hmm I suppose I can see it from another perspective. I suppose I just didn’t think that anyone would openly slate their child, for example like @skiptheskip mentioned. That is ignorant on my behalf. I believed they were commenting negatively on people being open and honest about being a parent of a non NT child.

I think this is because the person who posted is regularly banging on about mental health issues and cognitive disorders as if they are the best thing in the world. The “autism just makes you an amazing human being and why wouldn’t you want to have it” type posts. I find it incredibly distasteful.

OP posts:

IAlmostCracked · 06/05/2019 20:22

It's a struggle bringing up any child, but bringing up a child with Autism adds an extra dimension to that. Their are struggles with issues that seem endless but are resolved over time with a "neurotypical" child. My DS is 28 and we still are going over some of the same ground we did when he was 14/15. If that makes me a "fucking martyr" so be it. I'm old and tired and I've lived it, and I know many in a similar situation who feel just the same.

IAlmostCracked · 06/05/2019 20:23

*There.

MumUnderTheMoon · 06/05/2019 20:30

I agree with them. I hate it when I child is being rude or aggressive or screaming in a restaurant or whatever and the parent does nothing to stop them and then tells anyone looking that they're autistic. Frankly I don't give a shit I am autistic and so is dd but it doesn't mean we can't learn and it sure as hell doesn't mean that I wasn't disciplined for poor behaviour and it doesn't stop me from parenting my dd.

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