I have DS 8 with my ex. His dad has always seen him and I have no doubt he cares for our son in his own way but it’s always been inconsistent, he’s constantly chopped and changed plans, been late, changed plans last minute (DS has autism and this never went down well). He’s let him down and he never has him for long (usually around 2-3 hours). I’ve tried to encourage more hours but his dad is ‘busy’ supposedly.
Despite this my son absolutely adored him for years. Daddy this.. daddy that. Daddy is more fun than mummy because he took him out or bought him a toy every week. Daddy didn’t have any boundaries or tell him off. I’m the bad guy because I do the hard work 99 percent of the time (and OH who treats him as his own) and not as fun as daddy and it’s always my fault when daddy is late or doesn’t turn up.
DS is quite young for his age due to being on the spectrum but as he’s getting older he has started to realise that daddy isn’t all that good and he can’t deal with it when daddy changes plans, times etc, daddy lets him down. He like a clear plan set out with times, routines etc He keeps saying he doesn’t want to go. He also needs firm boundaries which my ex lacks.
I don’t want to force him to go but also want to encourage his relationship with his father. I don’t have a dad and want different for DS. I’m so confused on what’s best.
My ex doesn’t believe DS has autism and isn’t interested in learning about it but it’s not like he’s around every day to experience it.
My ex had a baby with his partner last year. He must be about a year old now but DS has met him about 3/4 times (they only live 5 miles away) and has only been to their house a few times. Ex picks him up and takes him somewhere or to relatives houses for a visit. But my son keeps asking why he isn’t allowed to daddy’s house. I’m the first to admit DS can be hard work but he’s not aggressive or overly naughty. He’s just a bit hyper and loud at times. He would never hurt a fly so I’m not sure why he isn’t allowed to their house 😭 he keeps saying that his daddy is the babies dad and not his and I think that’s how DS is feeling right now - jealous and pushed out.
My ex will come in saying how they’ve been in holiday or on days out (he’s a very show off type of person) in front of DS and will talk about what the babies up to and I think DS is finally realising what a let down his dad actually is!!
Sorry it’s a bit long. I just wanted to rant. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. OH just just says to ignore it and not to let it bother me. If I chat to mum she’s most likely to go and say something to them!