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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fake or honest with friend?

21 replies

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 14:19

My mate is seeing a girl a while and basically picks her up and drops her depending on his other interests . So spends minimal
Time with her just to keep her hanging In There .she is in love with him. He wants a show girlfriend . I suspect he is gay for many reasons . So I told him honestly I thought he was being a twat . Didn’t end well . He ignored me for a week or so . Fine. I had no problem with that . Hard to listen to the boasting about his life and how she basically fits in. I was that girlfriend once, to a man for a number of years. I would t wish it on anybody . My self esteem and worth we’re in shit coming out of it in the end . Ever since then he is at great pains to prove to me what a great boyfriend he is. It gets uncomfortable.. a because I know it’s bullshit and b , because I don’t know how to respond without being fake or honest. Being fake is not what I want to be . I’ve given him
My
Opinion as asked . He has just let me know that he intends to bring her to a European festival In The summer . In a boastful , arrogant type of way ie.. ‘ I finally gave in..’ messages and attitude . I just want to shut this thing down .. fake or honest .. fake responding would be easiest and I don’t want another discussion about this. I don’t care enoughabout their relationship but I do care about us as friends . Thanks for reading

OP posts:

IsYourGoogleBroken · 06/05/2019 14:23

I'm quite probably having a thick mcthickie moment but I don't understand your AIBU.

He's made a statement or imparted the information he is taking the GF to a festival - why does it need a fake/honest opinion. Why does'nt ""ok"" suffice ? All seems over complicated to me.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 14:28

Sorry i should have been clearer. When he texts me about what a great boyfriend he is , he will keep probing for a reaction . So who I respond with a ‘ that’s great’ or enjoy your holiday , the texts will keep coming about how he feels sorry for her so he had to give in or she kept annoying him about spending time together etc etc. I don’t care!!! I know it’s shit. It’s like he wants a reaction from me? Or a blessing? Or something. I don’t get it . I have no time for boyfriends like this and have lost quite a lot of respect for him from his behaviour towards her but as a friend , he is wonderful .

OP posts:

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 14:39

Anyone ?

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 06/05/2019 14:43

Keep telling him he's behaving like a twat, because he is.

You don't need to be that forceful. Just "that's very unkind", "youre not being very nice", "I'm disappointed that you think that's acceptable", etc etc.

And don't be too sure he's a wonderful friend. Maybe to your face he is...

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 14:46

Perhaps you are right. I have lost a certain respect for him . I think it’s so dishonest to string her along when he seems so disinterested and flippant . She absolutely adores him and will do anything to please him. I feel bad for her .

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 06/05/2019 14:51

It's hard when the respect has gone, as you lose trust as well. You might still enjoy their company but you don't feel the same about them.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 18:39

That’s exactly it! It’s like I have seen a mew side to him. I know that if he commits to her, she is going to live her life as a beard essentially but she really is none the wiser . She has such low self worth and doesn’t see his intentions are not pure .

OP posts:

JuniFora · 06/05/2019 18:51

I'd be honest with him. If you can't be honest with your friends, there's no real friendship.

Also, I find that how people speak about others to you is how they speak about you behind your back. He appears to be very two faced, deceitful and manipulative from what you present.

Have you met her btw? I wonder if she really is in love with him or is that just what he is saying to big himself up to you.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 18:54

I'm failing to understand why you are even friends with an arsehole like this. Raise the bar and find better friends.

Justbreathing · 06/05/2019 18:56

I would just distance myself from him. If you really think he is gay. He might not be!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 06/05/2019 18:58

I'd be wondering why he's always texting you about how he's an amazing boyfriend. I don't know why he would do that, it's weird.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 18:59

I haven’t met her but he has treated her like dirt and she has hung around and waited for him. This has gone on for months. The poor girl just slots in nicely whenever he is bored or has nothing to do . I do know that for sure . He seems to get off on the fact that she adores him and when he tells me how great he is to her, he does so as if she was s to be pitied . Now to be fair they both get certain needs met .. she is dying to be in a relationship and as far as I can see, he is hiding being gay . He patronises her and is condescing in the way he speaks about her

OP posts:

Justbreathing · 06/05/2019 19:00

Walk away from him now. Really you don’t need this so called friend in your life. He won’t ever change

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 19:02

I’ve told him I don’t want any involvement in anyone else’s relationship except for my own. . I said it lightly and he did get the message but he has started again. What happened was that he spoke with me about his concerns and lack of interest in women sexually. This girl has literally done weeks and weeks without seeing him as he just wasn’t interested . He is a little more attentive.im sick of it. I don’t want to know. I have enough problems myself

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Blazings · 06/05/2019 19:25

Tell him he either comes clean and let's her down gently or you want to hear no more about it. He needs to grow up.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 19:30

He has the best of both worlds though . A girlfriend who makes no demands on him but yet has someone to couple up with . He lives in a traditional religious society wjere gay men are frowned upon and marriages of convenience are plentiful

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JuniFora · 06/05/2019 21:30

You haven't met her, she may not even exist and if she does, you don't know that their relationship is as he's presenting it. Very unlikely tbh. I think it's you he's playing.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 21:44

She does exist. I’ve seen loads of photos and heard loads of stories. There’s no reason why he would play me? Why would he play me fgs ?

OP posts:

JuniFora · 06/05/2019 22:02

You've seen photos and heard stories from him. Why wouldn't a player play you? He's trying to make himself appear so desired, yet so contemptuous of the one doing the desiring.. he thinks it makes him desirable and impressive to you.

Original poster

Deepcleandread · 06/05/2019 22:10

I am a woman who is in a partnership with children . We are friends . That’s it . There would be no reason for him to make himself desirable or impressive to me whatsoever

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Butteredghost · 06/05/2019 22:18

If you still want to be friends with this person (not sure why you would but anyway), I'd just ignore this topic. You've said your piece and he hasn't taken it on, what else can you do? Don't reply to any texts on the subject, in person just reply with a non committal "ah" or "OK" and change the subject.

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