To ask you how to help me improve my low self esteem as it's ruined my life.

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I've had such low self esteem/ confidence issues from since I was a tiny tot.

It's affects have been all encompassing. It's lead me to have social anxiety, be less resilient, avoid confrontation, not be assertive, become depressed. It's affected my relationships, people don't like me, I've missed opportunities, I've lost out on a career, been suicidal.

It's all because I have such a low perception of myself. I want to desparately change but don't know how.

I've tried cbt therapy/ mindfulness and read countless books but feel so broken. Will I ever be able to come out this?

Have you tried the "yes" approach? It basically just means saying yes to everything,nights out, events away, things at work and just keep saying yes until you've been so over socialised you no longer feel so self conscious? Worked for me!

I’d recommend an antidepressant like Sertraline, which has anti anxiety effects also. Once on a therapeutic dose, I’d then start doing positive mantras every day - stand in front of the mirror morning and evening and tell yourself out loud that you are confident, sociable, loved and capable. Use the same wording daily for whatever phrase you choose - it helps to reinforce it. You can reprogram your brain this way.
Also consider going to church regularly. It is hugely affirming and confidence building to be told that you are loved by God just as you are, that nobody is perfect, and that your fellow worshippers all support you and accept you. It can give you a safe space to socialise, where you will not be judged. Once you feel comfortable at the services, you can try staying for the tea and biscuits afterwards, to practise talking to people in small doses, where you can leave as soon as you want if you feel stressed.
Good luck OP! I’m autistic, and had such social anxiety I would vomit, but CBT with an excellent therapist, plus church, helped me enormously. You will get there- take small steps and be kind to yourself.

I feel for you OP I’ve had low self esteem all my life too. The foundation of healthy self esteem is laid down very early in life, so if your early life experiences are negative e,g being bullied it can be very difficult to build up again.

One thing I read about and thought I would give it a try - bought some file record cards or plain postcards from stationers or post office. On each one I wrote down something nice/good about myself. This can be anything, your appearance, personal qualities, things you’ve done. Continue til you have 25 or 30 cards. I carry the cards in my handbag and whenever I feel negativity getting the better of me I get them out and look through them. It does help.

SerenDippitty I did have a rubbish childhood but didn't realise it then. I know how I feel about myself is how I felt about myself from a very very early age. My earliest memory is from when I was 4 years old. I would be horrified if my 4yr old thought about themselves the way I did at that age.

I genuinely cannot think I would think of ten positives about myself let alone 25! I will give it a go though. Than you

It may be that a different form of therapy could help. CBT focuses on the present day and practical lHowever you may need some longer-term therapy to help you process and understand your childhood, and then move forward. Otherwise it may always feel like "unfinished business".

One way to start to feel good about yourself is to do something for others. I absolutely don't mean putting your own needs last, or devoting huge amounts of time to this, but you could gently start to explore supporting a group or cause that matters to you. Ideally something where you'll be alongside others, so you'll connect in a low-pressure way - a couple of hours in a community garden project / helping at a library book group for older people / joining a local befriending scheme where you go for a chat with someone who is lonely / a wildlife or local animal shelter... I firmly believe absolutely everyone has something valuable to offer, and it doesn't have to be huge or high effort.

PPs have given great advice re a health check to see if different therapy / medication might also help strengthen your inner foundation, so that when other people give you positive feedback you're able to hear it and believe in the difference you've made, just by being you.

I definitely benefitted from a good therapist. Tbh I was doing things that made social interaction harder without even realising. As well as talking about my past, he questions my current behavior (for example, he questionned my body language in social situations and challenged me to be more aware of it).

Since then I've gradually challenged myself - quite often the response we are scared of is in our heads and doesn't happen but if it does we're far more capable of handling it than we think.

I now have a range of friends across a number of hobbies, am more confident at work and generally feel more comfortable about myself. I'm still going to therapy because I still struggle with resilience and my initial thoughts tend to be negative but I think I'm maybe now in a place where cbt would help. It definitely wouldn't have helped at the start for me.

I had crippling self esteem when I was younger. For me, I fought it and overcame it by cutting people out of my life that were selfish, ride, or made me feel bad. I only surround myself with good friends and family.

Furthermore, I started volunteering for the homeless and the food bank. Not only did it help me count my blessings, but made me feel like I made a difference and was worth something. Like I had a place in life.

Finally, I found a good counsellor, which helped me unpick the reasons for my self esteem issues.

I don't love myself, I like myself now. Which is better than hating myself.

Good luck OP.