To feel let down?

[BrownBook]

I possibly am being unreasonable but need to hear what others think before I ruminate much more.

I'm going through a hard time at present. Someone close to me is likely dying and I have PTSD about something that happened a few months ago. It's unusual for me to have these sorts of problems (I've been very lucky up until now) and my MH is all over the show.

My best friend and I have been through a lot together, but tbh it's been me to support her more than the other way around largely (I think). Including a period two years ago when she was depressed and went through a stage of getting drunk and quite mean to me, so I stopped drinking with her. She's still not in the best space now, but has been excellent to me recently, an amazing friend really. I've come to rely on her support quite a lot, although we still do take time to talk about her stuff too.

Last weekend we went out and both got drunk for the first time in a long time, which is unusual for me and was a mistake. I'm not a big drinker anymore, but she is and I got swept up in things. While drunk I was all over the place and said some mean things to her. I said I feel like she used me sometimes, and I brought up the horrid things she'd said two years ago. We had a fight and it was terrible.

I was sorry right away. I sent apology messages from the cab home, and the next day wrote her a long email saying sorry and how much I appreciated her. Then the day after I messaged again asking if she was OK. I also said to her that I'd learned my lesson and I've decided not to drink anymore while my MH is poor.

She replied that she didn't want to see me anymore and could I please not message anymore.

I am devastated. I feel like I'm losing a loved one to cancer at present, but have lost my best friend too. I feel like I'm also losing myself, because I never used to act this way. I feel like I've done all I can to make it right but don't know what else I can do apart from let her be.

But - I also feel let down by her. I thought she'd accept my apology. I've accepted plenty from her in the past. She knows what I'm going through too, and knows how badly I'd take this.

AIBU to feel let down, as well as devastated?

What's done is done. I know with everything that's going on for you this feels like the last thing you need but honestly I don't think you've lost much. Real friends, ones who bring genuine positivity to each other's lives, don't need to accept plenty of apologies from each other because they don't do plenty of things that need apologising for. It sounds like a toxic friendship and you'd be better off out of it.

I understand how you feel, I really do. I had a drunken outburst when my dad was about to have heart surgery and those friends dropped me even though I apologized.

I've come to realise that although you have accepted her apologies in the past, that doesn't mean she has to accept yours. The important thing is you have recognised your mistake and you apologized.

You've done the best you can and now, unfortunately, you need to let the dust settle. She might feel differently once she has calmed down.

If not, well, the friendship was on shaky ground to begin with. I'm not in contact with those people (who were childhood best friends) anymore and I don't miss them. I've no ill will towards them, but clearly we were on different paths. And that's ok.

Stressful situations like this really show you who are true friends are. People you really expected to be there for you, aren't. And those who are aquaintances step up.

Take care of yourself!

You being 'mean' to her was bringing up what she had said and done to you that was horrible? Surely that's not mean but stating facts! Yes it was inappropriate but if a friend will never speak to you again becuase you got drunk and reminded them they were nasty then they are ridiculous. Please try to move on and sorry for all you are going through, you are better off without (I know easier said)

Two people with MH issues getting pissed and venting is never going to end well is it? You are two people who alternately lean on the other all whilst the other also isn't in a great place.

Getting pissed and bring up slights from over two years ago, well, they should have been addressed at the time, not festered up on.

Your friendship with each other doesn't sound healthy. This is probably for the best

Bringing up nasty things that your friend said isn't necessarily you being nasty, though of course delivery makes a difference. It's probably for the best as it'll leave space for you to make new friends. A long walk with your own thoughts sounds like it would be better for you and nicer than spending time with your friend. It's difficult when you're having a hard time and sorry to hear about your family member.

Maybe it was a toxic friendship