Am I going to get robbed or killed

[boredandgay]

Really need help with this as it's very distressing and getting in the way of my life now (exaggerated title, I know).

I have an awful phobia of having my house broken into, waking up and someone being in my room, someone coming to kill me, or looking out my window at night and seeing a face staring at me, just typing about it is making me so paranoid.

I have had problems in the past with what I think could be considered psychosis but every time I've been to my GP it's been brushed off and I've felt like I'm not being taken seriously.

Every night at 8pm I have to lock all doors and windows and I probably check they're still locked every half hour until I go to bed, curtains have to be drawn when it gets dark but I have to pull them so someone outside couldn't get the slightest peek inside.

I have no one around me other than my disabled mother who is extremely unwell herself so I don't want to stress her out with my problems, I'm just feeling very vulnerable and unsafe

Stranger attacks especially in the home are incredibly rare. Burglars aren't looking for a fight, they want things they can sell and they want it to be easy, they often prefer to target empty properties for this reason. I say this as someone who has worked with offenders for decades. This sounds more like anxiety or similar, might be worth having a chat with your doctor.

I used to be like this for years, I would arrange for people to stay with me all the time. CBT fixes it. Something to do with brain being stuck at high alert.

I have similar feelings; blinds have to be closed a certain way so no one can see in, locks checked. If I’m in on my own overnight (very rare, thankfully) I can’t sleep till the early hours when it’s light. I’ve always hated the dark. Do you have a house alarm? We do and it is reassuring that I would hear it if anyone did ever try and get in. We pay the extra for it to be monitored as well.

I don't have a house alarm but I live in a council house so not sure if I could get one. I'm very anxious with going to doctors as I feel they're not going to believe me. In the nicest way possible I'm glad to hear that other people feel this way and it's not just me

I'm fine in my own home, as I live in a city and I think if I screamed next door would definitely here me and it just feels fairly safe.. but if I stay somewhere more isolated (I often house sit) I feel like this. I feel really anxious about going outside and have to check all the doors and windows are locked. I do think the likelihood of anything happening is really small, but it is still scary. I also hate windows without curtains/blinds etc at night / makes me feel on edge that someone could be watching me and I might now know!

Our neighbours are like this well the husband is. He is ex military something top secret so perhaps that explains it. Is this your only odd habit OP?

Could you have one of those red button alarms? It's not a conventional use of it but you might be reassured?

If it helps OP I have quite a strange phobia and I avoided getting help for years as I felt it wouldn’t be seen as anything to worry about and I was silly to report it as anything more. I just made adjustments to cope and they just became my ‘normal’ despite the strain and stress it had on my life. I also hadn’t told a soul, even my partner, as I felt it was a ‘childish’ fear and I would be mocked for it.

Eventually, after years, I did some research and found it was a more common phobia than I realised. I self referred to a counselling service via my NHS trust, and a case worker called me to discuss. I thought they would tell me I was being a bit silly and it wasn’t worth counselling, but after I told her about it all she was very understanding. She told me she could see how hard it must be, and how difficult it must be to live with. I was stunned, after years of telling myself to get a grip and manage it was overwhelming to hear someone confirm the opposite. She told me I was eligible for the counselling as the phobia clearly affected how I managed my daily life.

I ended up getting CBT which helped enormously. I had buried these feelings so deeply that I often just cried in the sessions, it was like turning an enormous valve and years of pent up pressure just came out. I didn’t even realise how bad it was. I still occasionally have blips now, but I have better coping strategies (rather than avoidances) and I’m open about it with my loved ones and my life is immeasurably better for it.

Of course it’s completely your choice how you want to go forward, and I’m sorry you’ve had brush off from GPs in the past - they are wrong not to listen to you. I just wanted to share my experience and let you know that phobias are very powerful and can have a dramatic impact on how we live, they are serious and should be taken as such.

Have you considered taking measure to add to your home security, doorbell cam, cctv, a dog? It may help. Good luck.

That sounds like it could be OCD or something similar? The checking etc. I agree CBT May help.
Part of that is rationalising and having a plan like the alarm suggested above.

If you aren't getting any luck from GP - can you try another or change practice? Or is there a local MH team you can call?

This sounds very distressing for you and you don't have to suffer because noone's helping

You don't need a full on alarm. You can get door and windows ones. They will make you feel better.

What you really NEED is to either change a gp or tell yours all this and push for referral.

Yes you really need MH help you might have to push fo r that though sad to say:(

I’ve suffered from similar since having dc3 and i’m not convinced having additional security has helped me (the night after installing our cctv, dh checked the access logs and saw that I’d looked at the live feed at least every 30mins all night long).

I had this issue years ago but solved it by having a lock fitted to my bedroom door.

I figured that someone would have to make so much noise getting through a locked door that I would have time to wake up and ring for help.

I no longer have the fear or feel a need to lock the door. It just dissolved over time.

I used to have this phobia when I lived alone. An alarm makes it worse because it goes off when a cobweb or moth flutters passed. I also had a cat climb through a window once and trigger it.

You are suffering from anxiety. It’s not real - but it feels real and it’s scary.

I have had counselling for anxiety and it really does help. Acknowledge the fear isn’t real - and learn to recognise when you are spiralling.

It will be ok - you will get through this - it’s not real. You are safe.

OP, I'm the same as you and have recurring nightmares of this. Not much advice, but just wanted to say you're not alone, and your post gave me some comfort that it's not just me

get some help hun.you deserve that.keep going to every doctor until they listen.explain the imapct it has on your everyday life.
this does sound like poorly mental health.its not rational but that oesnt mean its not real to you nd very scary.
but eqaully its not going to go away by people saying to you it might not happen or the stats on how safe you are in ur home because something has happened in ur mind that means this is ur fears now.a few wires have become skew wiff but thats ok.and its happens.and ur poorly.but you need help now with that and deserve it.
i know it mut be really hard.
if you want this to change then that is the great first step.it sets you on ur way.big hugs.

If you lock all your things up and have no valuables on display you aren't likely to be broken into. Thieves want an easy in and out job, no confrontation with people and it is not likely that a stranger would go through the trouble of a difficult break in, waking you up, and hurting you or threatening you, it's messy and they just want quick money.
I have a fear of hairdressers. I'm terrified that they'll cut my ear off, or cut off all my very long hair. It's irrational and I just avoid haircuts. I'm sure a GP would chuckle if I told them this! However your fear isn't something you can run away from, it's an anxiety for you that is severely affecting your life, I'd definitely speak to a GP and if they play it down, change surgeries or ask to speak to someone else.

I'm very very short on money as my mum is losing her benefits and I'm trying to work to pay for everything other than rent. I've booked a drs appt. so I'll write some things down and try to push abit harder this time

@justasking111 currently it's my only habit but previously I have had crazy tendencies that I've been able to 'grow out of': having to salute magpies, if I crossed anything on the stairs I had to tap the stair rail a certain amount of times, stepped on a drain I'd click a certain number of times, if I didn't do these things I'd feel like something bad was going to happen. With those things I slowly stopped doing them and realised nothing was going to happen but this isn't as easy

I meant to say very short on money so home security doesn't seem like an option

Hello OP, this isn’t a normal level of anxiety.
Go to your GP and day these thoughts are really affecting your mental health and need some help. Keep saying the same thing until they offer you help. Good luck

I think the idea of a lock for your bedroom door Sounds like it could be good & a quick an easy fix for now. The dr certainly should take any level of anxiety like this seriously. Especially the way it’s impacting on your life. All the very best

What about a personal alarm?

I wonder if 111 would be able to help if GP doesn’t or ask for another GP.
I do the door checking thing when I go to work. I have to go back and check at least once and even turn car back occasionally. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Consider support from a Carers group or church group for someone to talk to and perhaps visit your mum occasionally during the week.
Consider appealing with benefits. I know two people who appealed and were successful. The GP wrote a letter for them.
I hope you get the support you need and things get easier.

You need to avoid starting security habits to try and self medicate.

A lock on your bedroom door won't stop the anxiety - it’s not a real threat, you are spiralling and the danger has got out of proportion.

My counsellor described it as being stuck int he fight or flight zone permanently- you lose perspective and minor issues get exaggerated.

If your go won’t help you have the wrong gp. Most people, simply lock their door at night and feel safe. You don’t feel safe - you deserve to feel safe and you need to understand why this has been a disproportionate fear for you.

I promise you there is a way through this.

Sounds like ocd. Citalopram can help, it’s an antidepressant but at higher doses works for ocd too. Plus Cbt. Want to give you a hug, it’s horrible living with this level of anxiety but it can be helped x