Being a single mum can be soul destroying.

[namechangemyself]

I can imagine maybe better when kids are older, but to young kids? Feel like I'm falling apart. Left my abusive ex and have a 6 month old. I just wanted to sit down and watch my tv program tonight, but he's teething, and I wanted to pause, but other people watching so I just gave up. I want a bath, or to have a nap, or for someone else to change his nappy. I'm exhausted and not sleeping. I love my son more than I could possibly explain. I'm finding it hard though. I feel incredibly lonely and could just cry. I'm not depressed, but I am very tired and suffer with anxiety. I'm on sertraline for it.

I know, it gets better, but AIBU to hate myself a bit for even being in this position? I'm so, so tired.

Yabu to hate yourself. It’s bloody hard work being a mum to a 6 month old regardless of your support network. And it’s bloody bloody bloody hard work being a single mum at any stage. And therefore it is bloody bloody awfully fucking rock hard work being a single parent to a six month old. You are amazing as you made a great choice to leave an abusive relationship and you are an amazing human for just putting one foot in front of the other and getting through each day. You WILL do this and you CAN do it and you will feel like Captain Fucking Marvel by the time you look back on these days you superhero.
Have you anyone to just take the wee one a few hours here and there? If so- prioritise the baths and breaks and not bloody housework or stuff like that. You need a teeny bit of you time and you most definitely deserve it

do not hate yourself. My youngest is seven and I have been a single mum most of his life. It does get better but it is okay to acknowledge to yourself it is hard and you are not okay right now. Does not mean you will not ever be okay though, just be gentle with yourself now.

Have you been offered any counselling or CBT along with the medication (although childcare might be an issue?). I did CBT a few years ago and it was really helpful for strategies just to get more organised and not see everything too negatively.

I do not remember when I last watched a TV programme from beginning to end though, which is maybe not what you want to hear, but that is mainly because my concentration is shot.

Thank you.

It's not even the tv thing. It's just everything together. Feel like I'm having a melt down. My mum takes him for an hour in the morning sometimes which is amazing but not quite the same.

Do you live with anyone or are you on your own?

I’m single parent to 5 month old, tough isn’t it ☹️

I'm a single mum of a toddler having left an abusive relationship, I can't imagine how hard it would have been when she was smaller, you are so so strong, even if you don't feel like it right now. You say your mum takes him for an hour in the mornings, do you live with your parents? I do, and although they are happy to watch DD they aren't around much to do so. Plus she wakes in the night still occasionally and gets up at 5am, I find it hard to get back to sleep and an age to fall asleep in the first place so I understand the tiredness. Could you get your mum to have him for a longer chunk of time at any point? It must be so hard, no wonder you are feeling like this have you tried to access some MH support through your GP?

don't hate yourself, it's REALLY hard when you have an Army of people helping let alone doing it yourself. You are exceptionally brave to have left an abusive relationship. But you put your son first by doing that - that tells me what a great mother you are. And it gets easier. It doesn't feel like it but one day he will sleep through. Until then, you have every right to be upset and stressed. How much support do you have IRL?

You've obviously been through a lot recently so it's not surprising you feel so tired
Can your mum help more? Do a couple of nights to let you rest?
I left a very abusive relationship and bought up my 2 dcs alone for 10 years, in that time I worked part time and studied for a degree fulltime, fuck knows how I done it but I did. You're stronger than you think. It will get easier.

Don't hate yourself. You've done amazingly well to leave an abusive relationship, never mind with a 6 month old. It will get better

I was in your shoes too OP. You’re right, it’s soul destroying when they’re young. It’s relentless.

But I can tell you now, I am 14 years down the line and oh my god how different things are! I actually enjoy parenting my children. They are brilliant people and make me laugh every single day. I wish I could have foreseen this in my darkest moments because it would have made them so much easier and given me motivation to plough on. Doesn’t matter, I had to plough on anyway, and I’m so glad I did.

It absolutely will get easier for you OP. I’m not saying it will be tomorrow or next week but it will happen. Grit your teeth and be proud of every single nightmare you get through. You will look back one day and be in awe of the wonderful person you have raised and the wonderful person you are because of it.

I left my abisive ex when Ds was 10 months old .

It is really tough. My Ds is 12 now . We are incredibly close and he is in scouts so get my brakes that way.

Sorry pressed post too soon. .

I would say socialising in the day was the thing that got me through . It really does get easier and is definitely better than living with an abuser

Things you must do for your own sanity and we’ll being OP

1. sleep. It’s just about the single most important thing you can do for your own mental and general health. I learnt this far too late.

1. Ask for help when you need it. People don’t always realise you need a hand. We all paint on the smile and say “I’m fine” when sometimes we should say “actually, I could do with a hand today, I’m exhausted, I haven’t showered, I need shopping in and I’ve no washing done”. Again, I learnt this far too late.

1. Lose the negative self talk. All of it. Every negative word you utter to yourself is another brick you’re stacking infront of yourself. Before you know it you’ve built a wall you can’t see past or get over. All you can see is a wall of negativity facing you. It completely prevents you moving forward in any positive way. So stop all this beating yourself up for whatever happened in the past. It’s done, it’s over, you can’t change it. You can only change your future. Positive self talk is how you do that. Take 5 minutes every morning to acknowledge how far you’ve come and decide what positive steps you’re going to take that day. No matter how small.

Do not hate yourself, you’re doing an amazing job! You have saved your son the torture of growing up with an abusive dad, I am sure he is well fed, cared for and happy. Give yourself a break. Do you have a children’s centre near you- often they have lots of free classes and things to do. Also maybe ask your mum for a bit more help- she may not realise how hard things are? And get through a day at a time and things will get better:

Hats off to you. You are amazing. I have a 4.5 month old and find it exhausting even with an extremely hands-on husband.
You're child will worship you when they are older.
Amazing.

@Liverbird77 is right actually. My dds have started telling me I'm
Amazing and daddy is useless. He is though. My youngest dd who is 6 honestly thinks I'm a goddess. The eldest is 9. She was 2 when I left exh and I was of with dd2 at the time.

looking back I'm astonished I survived the early years. It's no-bloody joke managing babies alone. But please take comfort in the fact it gets easier every day and the older they get the more fun it is.

My best advice is find some single mum friends and go back to work. You need the adult chat to stop yourself going nuts. After that it's declutter frequently so the house stays under control, don't take in too much, lie in the sofa all day watching telly when it all gets too much. Don't beat yourself up babies needs are very simple - full tummy dry bum lots of cuddles. And keep posting I've been here 9 years now crashing through single parenthood!

You’re doing amazing and you should be bloody proud. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have a 7 month year old (also teething) and I wish sometimes there was just some time to do normal stuff e.g. take a bath in peace or just have my food without the baby needing my attention. It will get easier I promise.

Being a single mum is bloody hard work. There isn't anyone to take over if you are ill, nobody to back you up when the kids are being little shits. You have to be head cook, handyman, Gardener, nurse, child minder, taxi driver, referee, housekeeper & the rest. That's before you have to go out to work, manage the finances, do the shopping, if you could put it all down on a CV you would qualify for thousands of jobs. Some times it can be soul destroying, other times brilliant, the best bit is that you have nobody to answer to.

Have a look online if you have a local HOMESTART scheme. They can offer invaluable weekly support and visits and hands on help.

Oh op I know how it feels and you have my sympathy 😔 it's bloody hard.

I left my abusive husband when I was 7 months pregnant with my third. When she was born I had 3 under 3. I thought I was going insane for a while. It does get better the older they get.

Hold on, better days are coming.

The only thing yabu about is hating yourself.

I literally do not know how single mums of young kids do it tbh.

My husband had to work away for just 4 weeks. My dc is 10 and we have a dog and we are selling our house.

I have never been so stressed in all my life.

My sister has been a single parent and works full time and it only because her dc is now 14 that she can stop worrying about childcare etc.

I really do not know how she done it all those years when he was younger, maintained a very important job (helping people who escape modern slavery) on frankly a shitty wage and ended up producing a well rounded, clever, sensitive, thoughtful, clever child. Especially when their dad was an absolute dickhead.

I am absolutely in awe of you.

Please do not hate on yourself. You are doing AMAZING 🙏

After a while you do toughen up and start coping because there is no other option. Every now and then we have a thread about everything we have achieved alone. Maybe it's tome for a new one.

@ILoveMaxiBondi :O wow!! What an amazing post. Thank you.
Just what i needed to read!