To think you’ll just tell me to get a grip

[Pepsioften100]

Honestly... I can’t give a single non-pathetic reason to not be happy with my life but here I am.
I have a happy life, married in our own house, with pets and plans for children. We both have jobs we like (most of the time). Yet recently when I stop and sit for a minute I just feel sad. I feel pathetic and won’t admit it to anyone in real life. But even if I did talk to someone, I’m not sure I have a reason as to why.
I’m still ok at work, I play my hobby weekly, I see my family and friends, I sleep well.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy things in the moment but I just feel detached from myself maybe. Or like I should feel amazing, I have what I’ve always wanted and yet here I am

Didn’t know where to write this so here we go

Don’t be so hard on yourself, sometimes we can have ‘everything’ and still feel unhappy and unfulfilled. You don’t need to get a grip.
You mention you feel sadness and detachment when you’re left with your thoughts. I know you are not keen to talk to someone but would you be comfortable reaching out to your partner and having a chat? It might help to get it out there. Or maybe speak to your GP?

No-one can tell you how you should feel. Or you shouldn't expect yourself to be happy all the time. I'd find it knackering personally.

Maybe you need some time out? When did you last get away? Do something new or travel?

This sounds weird but have you had your Vit D & Bs checked? I went through a patch like this and found I was deficient in D & B12. Supplements made a huge difference.

You don’t need a reason why.
You could say that it’s an odd old world we’ve created, with some odd old values. It’s left us a bit disconnected from ourselves, and as most of us don’t have much of a functioning community, often a bit disconnected from others too. It’s ok to be discontented with our lot.

When I was feeling very similar to you, I learned to meditate, and it really really helped.

Hope you find something that helps. But mostly I’d say don’t judge these feelings. I work with people who are going through lots of change, and it’s usually helpful for them to try and stay with the sadness a bit, let it be an open door to step through and explore a bit. It’s just information

I don’t think there always is a reason (or not one you can think of anyhow) why you can feel sad in the midst of having everything.

If having everything was the answer to happiness then everyone with a loving family, friends, a nice house and who are comfortably off etc would always be happy and content. But it doesn’t work like that.

I think there’s an unreasonable expectation that we are happy, which isn’t really realistic.

Is there any reason you can put your feelings of sadness down to? If not do you think you could be mildly depressed? Being depressed can affect anyone regardless of circumstance. Feeling detached is often a symptom of depression too. Have you told anyone in real life how you feel? Is there anyone you’d feel able to talk to?

You absolutely aren’t pathetic. Please don’t think that because you really aren’t. It’s something many people feel at some time or other. Sometimes for an obvious reason (bereavement, divorce, illness etc), sometimes for no reason they can think of.

I can’t imagine telling anyone.
It’s not all the time, when I’m busy I’m fine it’s just when I stop, I can’t sit and watch tv without being on my phone or doing something because my brain just starts thinking and overthinking everything.
I am busy ish but not super manic busy, I love sleep and sleep well always have. I don’t have any time off for a couple of months yet. But I have weekends. In fact I feel like I’ve been doing less recently not more.
Haven’t had any tests etc. It’s not been for very long. Kind of hoping it’s just a blip and I’ll just wake up ok

If it’s just a few weeks of feeling down then I’d just accept that you’re just going through a patch of feeling that way which is normal and completely ok. If it doesn’t seem to be wearing off after a month or so or you start to feel worse then it’s probably worth seeing the doctor.

It could easily be a blip. It’s not possible to be full of the joys of spring all the time, and it would be unrealistic to expect to always feel that way. Hope you soon start to feel back to your usual self.

Are u on the pill? I felt like this on the pill and it stopped when I stopped taking it!

That’s exactly what I was gonna say whatelse

After DS2 I went back on the pill, but a different one to the one I was on before TTC. I felt so strange. Sad, sort of angry. It was a bit like permanent PMT.

Anyway, my DM suggested it might be my new pill, so I stopped it and felt infinitely better about a week or so later.

No pill. Stopped taking it due to other issues and got a different one but never started it so no hormones/meds.
Just me

I sometimes get like this when life just feels a bit stagnant and same-y. Nothing bad about my life per se, but when there's just nothing particularly exciting to look forward to.

I need to have plans like a holiday, a special occasion, a home improvement or some such thing to look forward to otherwise I start to feel a bit flat and sad.

Are you possibly just a tad bored of general day-to-day life at all? Groundhog Day sort of thing?

Sounds like you could be suffering from mild depression.You don't have to have a reason to feel down.It's sometimes a chemical imbalance in the brain.
I felt similar to you a few years ago.All was going well in my life and I had no reason to be unhappy.
Dr put me on a low dose of antidepressants and after about 2 weeks I started to feel so much better.My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner.

I have suffered from depression of varying degrees for most of my life, and what you describe, the feeling of detachment and inability to stop overthinking things, usually signals the start of a bad patch for me.

Please don't give yourself a hard time if you're feeling like this. Look after yourself and don't feel you have to feel a certain way just because your life is good on paper. I would echo PPs and say that it would be worth seeing your GP if this carries on for more than a few weeks

I had a very similar feeling last year OP - I could have written your post. I had just bought our first house with my lovely husband, working in a great job I had spent a long time training for, lovely friends and family, comfortably off for the first time ever. Plans for a baby in the next couple of years.

I should have been cock a hoop, but I wasn’t. I felt totally detached from my own life, as though I had lost the knack of happiness. I felt like the most ungrateful person in the world, because I had everything I had wanted and I felt totally empty, as though life was happening somewhere else and I was missing it.

I think part of the problem, for me, was that I had spent a long time working towards goals (job, house etc) and had achieved those. I felt that should have made me happy, but I realise now that something that makes me happy is having a purpose / goal I am working towards. Once I identified new career goals and put a plan in motion for them, it helped. Same with personal goals - for me that was running, but it could be anything you want to achieve (new skill, hobby, qualification, etc).

I also identified that I felt I was at a plateau - I had gone through the excitement of getting married, buying our house and getting my dream job, but was still a couple of years off the next stage of kids. It left me with an emptiness. I had to learn my way out of that by realising that joy isn’t always looking forward to the next life event. Joy is living in the moment you are in, and appreciating what it brings you. I had to re-learn what I love to do in this moment (spending time with family, reading, gardening, running, hosting parties) and appreciate the things this stage of my life gives me time to do.

I feel so much better now than I did a year ago - it’s almost hard to remember just how isolated and out of touch I felt. I have spent a year practicing mindfulness and deliberately seeking joy - writing out physical lists of things I am happy about, retraining myself to feel positive. It has helped enormously.

I also want to say - don’t be afraid of seeking help. On this occasion I didn’t take anti-depressants, but I have several times in the past. Sometimes it’s what you need to get you back on track, and there is no shame in it. Maybe you won’t need them, but if you think they would help, please do speak to your GP.

I wish you all the best OP - there is no reason why you won’t be happy again, I promise.

HBStowe I feel like I could’ve written most of your post, so I hope you’re right. (I don’t know how to reply to you properly)
Thank you everyone, makes me feel better knowing other people feel like this. I just feel ungrateful for the good things that people would love to have