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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop DS3 from doing street dance

15 replies

Fruitandveg1234 · 05/05/2019 20:04

DS3 is 12 and only been attending street dance at this place (which was at the time brand new) for 6 months but told me he enjoys it. The owner has told me that he doesn’t want to have to get rid of DS3 but he seems to just not focus in class and misses the moves and important instructions due to this. He’s told me that he has had enough but does like DS3 so will see how he is but AIBU to just pull him out if this is happening as I am paying and don’t want it be paying for him to not be taking it seriously or shall I just wait to see how DS3 behaves.

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Maldives2006 · 05/05/2019 20:09

Are there any SEN needs? Maybe the class is too advanced for your son and he’s struggling. A street dance class aimed at 12 year olds would be quite quick paced.

TeenTimesTwo · 05/05/2019 20:11

Surely you need to sit DS3 down, tell him what the owner has said and to buck his ideas up. Say you will ask for a verbal report at the end of each session and if he hasn't been focussing you'll pull him out?

i.e. Give him a chance to improve before pulling him out.

Fruitandveg1234 · 05/05/2019 20:16

He’s fullyaware of what the owner has said mostly as he was there for part of it. Could possibly be too fast paced but he told me he enjoys it and I’ve been told he’s quite talented. He’s promised me he’d improve before but I’m not sure he has which is why I’m contemplating this but I know it will upset him.

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ChoccieEClaire · 05/05/2019 20:17

Have a chat with DS and see if he is enjoying it, ask him to show you some stuff he's learnt.
It might be that his heart isn't in it so his mind is wandering a bit

HelenaDove · 05/05/2019 20:31

Hmmm is the owner hoping to go on Britains Got Talent with them at some stage?

What does it matter as long as he is doing physical activity and getting excersise Surely thats to be encouraged.

Maldives2006 · 05/05/2019 20:59

I think that the problem my younger 8 year old daughter does a lot of dance (9hours/week) and I’ve been told that she has a future if she wants it.

Dance whichever speciality is actually really boring, repetitive in practices and a lot of hard work is required regardless of any natural talent to just perform for a couple of minutes 4/5 times a year.

It requires a lot of concentration, focus and a real love of it.

Maldives2006 · 05/05/2019 21:02

Not if he’s disrupting the rest of the group who do want to practice?

My daughter gets very stressed when other children think it’s ok to not listen and mess about.

CuppaSarah · 05/05/2019 21:06

Could you look around for a more relaxed group in the area? If he's enjoying it and getting excercise, but isn't really worried about the finer details it sounds like it would be a better fit.

Fruitandveg1234 · 05/05/2019 21:46

I may look at new ones but not if he gets asked to leave , only if I take him out myself because the same thing may happen again.

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Fruitandveg1234 · 05/05/2019 22:06

He said he enjoys it because he likes learning to do things such as the helicopter I think it’s called and it make shim feel cool

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BertieBotts · 06/05/2019 06:59

Sometimes children will say things like "I promise to do/listen/focus better" when they really want something but don't know how to do it. They know it's the "right" answer if that makes sense, (or have learned it's not a good idea to be honest and say "I can't" or "I don't know how") but it might be that he needs some more specific measurable goals. The instruction to "Focus and listen to instructions" is a bit vague even for a 12 year old.

Ask the teacher what specifically it is that he is doing - what form does this "not focusing" take? Is he talking when he should be listening, showing off to others, getting out distracting things like phone/toy/etc? Then be more specific in what you want him not to do and what you want him to do instead. Try to get him to be honest about whether he thinks he can do this and if he isn't sure then try to come up with some strategies. Little reminders of the strategies immediately before the class. Check in with the teacher after a couple of weeks and see if this is improved, make some adjustments if necessary, check in again after another 2 weeks. If no improvement after 4-6 weeks (whatever aligns best with the payment timing), maybe pull him out for now and try again when he's older, you could look for a different class which is "cool" - maybe a different kind of dance, or an instrument - drums? Or another "cool" sport: parkour, freestyle, skateboarding, martial arts? Is he into performing - magic tricks can be something fun to learn at home. Some might be more structured than others, and obviously will depend what's available local to you. Go back to street dance in a year or two, if he still wants to.

I also think the point another poster makes about dance being very disciplined and repetitive and boring is an excellent point. Sometimes a hobby can seem exciting when you see the final result, but it can be a real hard slog to get there. Most of the enjoyment of the hobby is the result of that hard work, but you don't get perfect overnight. And various hobbies completely differ as to where that point is - as a child/teenager I played various instruments but became frustrated and gave up after not very long with all of them because I just wanted to be able to play something that I liked straight away, I didn't want to spend weeks practising scales. Eventually as an adult I returned to acoustic guitar but instead of playing doggedly through a tutorial book I just taught myself to read tabs and a few chords and then started, immediately, playing simple versions of pop songs that I like. The work/result point came much earlier and I find it infinitely more rewarding now. OK - my playing isn't going to wow any audiences or win music awards but that doesn't matter to me. Being perfect isn't my goal, having fun is. Maybe it would be worth discussing it with him along these lines and seeing if it's really this hobby he wants to pursue or whether there are only certain aspects of it which he likes and he could look for those in other areas.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 06/05/2019 07:14

Can you sit in one of the classes to see for yourself where he is going wrong?
If hes messing around and spoiling it for others then remove him.
If hes genuinely struggling and finding it difficult to keep up then maybe the instructor could do something more?

ShaggyRug · 06/05/2019 07:41

DD dances and it sounds to me as if this class may be too ambitious/strict for his needs. Look around for more relaxed classes maybe?

Some dance groups are all about getting it right/competing/being the best in the area etc. Others are more about the kids just loving it and not worrying too much about perfection.

Skittlesandbeer · 06/05/2019 07:49

I’d sit in (somewhere he can’t see you, preferably, or pretend to be on your phone).

See for yourself.

Fruitandveg1234 · 06/05/2019 22:57

Will definitely see if there is anywhere I can discretely sit in on. I think it may be a little strict as the owner and instructer are the same people and so want their business to do well. It’s not directly been specified apart from that what he does (also a little talking and sometimes showing off a few other dance moves it seems like)

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