AIBU to think some men enjoy intimidating women they don’t know.

[Ghanagirl]

I’m sat in the park watching my son play football as he wanted to get out of the house as hypocrite neighbour is always moaning about balls going over into her garden.
(Whole other thread)
Sat reading magazine and drinking coffee whilst able to see DS playing with some boys he’s just met which is the beauty of football.
4 benches at that part of the park, I wanted to sit on Bench closest to Where DS playing but both closest occupied by lone men 3rd is free so perch there.
10 mins after sitting down 3 young guys drinking beer decide they want to sit next to me despite one bench completely free and other 2 had older white man and other young back guy (I’m mentioning race as I’m black)
So they sit down next to me and the one closest says in Eastern European accent that he likes black women.
I tell him I’m married much older than him and not interested and could they move.
I’m then subjected to them laughing and talking together but have no idea what they are saying.
They finally move on when they see my DS (12 but still waiting for his growth spurt) running towards us as they departed one of them called me a “Monkey bitch”!
I’ve been subjected to racism multiple times but I’m mid forties and thought I’d already fort these battles.
It’s so depressing😔

I live in China (but am white British) and when I'm walking down the street, a certain type of middle aged bloke likes to fix me with a hostile look and adjust his trajectory so I'd have to move to avoid him walking into me. Like pavement chicken? It's odd, and so subtle. I fix them with the same look, raise my chin and invite the collision. They always wimp out first.

This isn't comparable with your awful situation, which was racist and verbal, but I wanted to say that for sure, some men enjoy intimidating women. It's like they want to remind us that our existence in public space is contingent on their consent, and it fucking isn't.

Is it worth reporting your incident to the police? I don't know what it's like back there these days really. It should be worth reporting, even if in reality it's futile.

Yep, a cyclist called me a "fat bitch" yesterday he was being very intimidating because he was cycling in the middle of the road and he was angry that I tried to over take him

Yes they absolutely do I’m afraid. What pricks, hope you feel ok.

YANBU at all

the nicest place I can go locally - in terms of outdoors, nature etc - is now full of groups of men drinking on the weekends. It's horrible. if you can find a bench to sit on, they will soon start trying to talk.

I think some of these men see a woman alone and think she should be flattered by the attention.

YANBU at all. One of my friends is a runner and she’s not skinny. Some men think this gives hem the right to refer to her as “a fat b*h” when she’s running. People are arseholes sometimes.

@RosaWaiting
I think some of these men see a woman alone and think she should be flattered by the attention.
Yes that’s how it came across.
They smelt like a brewery and were obviously yet I should be flattered...

Sorry that happened

I've experienced similar (from men and women , I'm BME) and the cumulative effect does build up .

I think I've just become very resolved to improve my career prospects , live the best life for me , really be a bit more focussed on my goals so everything else is just "noise" (I'm no Duchess of Sussex but she has some good attitude on this )

A lot of these social dynamics are about power and control - when I've been intimidated or targeted in the past looking back, the mechanism is designed to lower my self esteem and distract me from the decent things in life i do want to focus my emotional energy on .

Plus they want me to "feel" singled out, start identifying myself in an "me vs them " way and not connect with normal decent people .

So even if I'm smarting from an awful comment (e.g. white people in a queue being asked by a cashier if I've jumped ahead of them , having a woman in a fish and chip shop tell me un prompted they don't do curry ) I just try to focus o moving my life on or the normal people i do want to socialise with rather than oddball weirdos