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Original poster

To be upset with my family for ignoring my 40th

50 replies

bombaygin · 05/05/2019 11:35

I'm a single mum of 2 bad they are too young to organise anything themselves. My DD did make me a birthday card though bless her.

I have no parents around but I do have 3 sisters. None of them acknowledged my birthday other than a comment on Facebook after I posted something later on in the day.

I'm used to no one ever making a fuss, whether it be Xmas, birthday, Mother's Day etc etc it's just the way it is.

But yesterday was a big birthday, and I got not one card, no flowers, not even a phone call or a visit and no contact whatsoever to ask how I was. One of my sisters has her birthday next week so it's not like it's easily forgotten...we were brought up always having parties together as the dates were so close.

I just feel incredibly let down. I'm a quiet person and keep my head down and just get on with things. I'm not one to join in with their boozy lifestyle (think Jeremy Kyle fodder leaving the kids with sitters every Saturday night and going down the pub)...but I am always the first they come to if they need something...and yet yesterday I was just left.

I ended up in floods of tears and went to bed early. I feel very lonely and like I'm battling with the world for me and my DC but yesterday just highlighted even more how alone I really am.

No parents, no partner, no family. I do have loads of friends but they're all dotted about distance wise and have their own families to see to. I just feel totally abandoned and like an absolute looser to be honest.

But never mind, my dc are back from their dads today so I will buy a cake and I will have that wine I bought for myself and order that Chinese that I planned to yesterday.

God I'm feeling very sorry for myself, I know it's a first world problem and all that. Being the black sheep of the family really hurts sometimes. 🙁

OP posts:
IsAStormApporaching · 05/05/2019 11:40

I sorry your so disappointed.
Your belated celebration today with your children sound like a great plan.
And a very happy 40th birthday to you Flowers

ThanosSavedMe · 05/05/2019 11:40

Sorry to hear you had such a shitty day. Happy birthday for yesterday.

I would be inclined to ignore your sisters birthday next week. And if she says anything say I thought we weren’t doing birthdays now seeing as you didn’t contact me last week.

Stop being there for them. Doesn’t sound like you like them much anyway and they obviously do t bring anything positive to your life so it’s start make yourself less available to them.

Butchyrestingface · 05/05/2019 11:43

One of my sisters has her birthday next week so it's not like it's easily forgotten...

You know what not to do next week, right?

SoyDora · 05/05/2019 11:44

I’m sorry you had a rubbish birthday. Happy birthday! 💐

It doesn’t sound like you get on particularly well with your sisters so probably not much of a surprise that they didn’t acknowledge it. Give them the same courtesy in return!

think Jeremy Kyle fodder leaving the kids with sitters every Saturday night and going down the pub

Not sure what you mean by this? It’s fine for adults to go to the pub on a Saturday night while their children are cared for by a babysitter.

Kaykay06 · 05/05/2019 11:46

That’s so sad, sorry to hear your 40th wasn’t what you wanted it to be.
I wasn’t sure mine would be this year either as my mum had major surgery so the plans we made were cancelled and my best friend had to visit her poorly dad. So my sister organised a lovely dinner etc and really made things special which i wasn’t expecting. I’m a single parent to 4 so don’t get out loads but was perfect.
I’d say something to your sisters and really not help them out, you’re being used if they can’t even mark a milestone birthday, I really feel for you. I hope you have a lovely time with your children today Flowers

RedSkyLastNight · 05/05/2019 11:47

If no one ever makes a fuss, I'm not really sur why you expected it to be different this time? sure it woild be nice if your family changed spontaneously into the sort of people you want them to be but realistically you need to stop hoping that might happen. If you want a fuss made then organise something yourself (if you want low key just invite everyone round for tea and cake).

MulticolourMophead · 05/05/2019 11:47

OP, I agree with the others. Don't do anything for her birthday, and if she has the audacity to query it, just say you gave her exactly what she gave you for your birthday.

And happy birthday for yesterday. Thanks

Unescorted · 05/05/2019 11:48

Happy Birthday for yesterday!

I get this too - mine is tomorrow. At the bank holiday most people are focused on their holiday weekend. It feels shitty, but I don't think it is out of nastiness, just being distracted. When everyone forgot my 40th I organised a big party and when people queried the reason for it I explained it was because they had forgotten my birthday so I was giving them another chance to celebrate. No one has forgotten since - it helps that another friend shares the birthday so we now have a big joint B'day bash.

Drum2018 · 05/05/2019 11:49

Dont acknowledge your sisters birthdays from now on. They clearly don't put the same value on them as you do.

notangelinajolie · 05/05/2019 11:59
Flowers Sorry yesterday was horrible. I totally get how you feel because I am also someone who doesn't make a fuss and tbh my birthdays are usually a non event. I really don't mind this 99.9 percent of the time but sometimes it would be nice to have someone think of me just a teeny tiny bit. Your DD sounds lovely - give her a big hug when she gets home and I'm sure she will give you an even bigger one back. And in the years to come you can continue to treat each other on your special days and build up your own little family of loveliness.
Blu3bellsagain · 05/05/2019 12:20

Happy 40th birthday
Eat cake, drink wine, eat takeaway
Be kind to yourself

Original poster
bombaygin · 05/05/2019 12:24

Thank you all...it means a lot 😊

Sorry....the comment about them going down the pub is just me being bitter I guess, my bad.

I just don't feel part of the family anymore but yet I'm the first one they come to when they need money cos of a pay day debt or something! Drives me mad. I'm the boring sensible one lol. Oh well.

Thank you all Thanks

OP posts:
bevelino · 05/05/2019 12:27

Happy birthday OP and it can be tough when people forget your special day.

It is not quite the same but there was a thread last Christmas about people who have birthdays at Christmas and how they are often forgotten. Now that really sucks especially for children.

Missingstreetlife · 05/05/2019 12:27

Maybe try to meet some new people, in a similar boat perhaps? It's hard but can be done.

ThanosSavedMe · 05/05/2019 13:57

Stop giving them money. When they ask tell them you don’t have any spare at the moment. Or lie and say damn, I was going to ask you to lend me some

Peanutbutterforever · 05/05/2019 14:28

Happy birthday! Flowers

3dogs2cats · 05/05/2019 14:34

Happy birthday. This happened to me once as a single parent. I vowed that however skint I was, I would buy me a present and treats. And I have. Life is very different for me now.
I wish you a very happy birthday.might be time to think about putting you self first sometimes.

Onescaredmuma · 05/05/2019 15:49

Happy birthday Flowers it makes me sad how much this happens I hope you enjoy your wine tonight. Definitely get a cake 🎂

Livelovebehappy · 05/05/2019 16:15

I’ve been there OP. It’s crap, especially when my sister used to be in that position and I always made the effort to get her something on behalf of her DCs, even if just a handmade card and a bunch of daffs. But same wasn’t done for me years later. Life is different for me now too, but it’s sad when others can be so thoughtless when you need them the most.

StuckInsideAnEcho · 05/05/2019 16:53

No one bothers with my birthday. No one ever has. I don't believe that as adults it's wrong to e joy birthdays. For some of us, it's the one day a year to be fussed a little, remembered, loved. If some people (like my brother) want to make a fuss about it not being something worth fussing over then that's up to them but I know for a fact he's surrounded by people. I'm not. It still hurts me now that he sacked off my 30th despite my giving him a year's notice of what we were doing, like he wanted, because someone he vaguely knew was getting married that weekend. I stopped bothering after that.

Original poster
bombaygin · 05/05/2019 18:37

Thank you all so much for the kind birthday wishes and kind thoughts.

Just about to have a bath and then the wine will be opened and the kids want to sing to me before I cut the cake up lol.

Where would I be without my DC ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
bombaygin · 05/05/2019 19:00

Also Thanks to everyone else finding themselves in a similar position now or in the past

OP posts:
ahtellthee · 05/05/2019 19:08

I couldn't read and run. I am happily married but DH is shit at that sort of stuff so I organise my own presents/parties etc. Could you perhaps arrange a late BBQ with anyone nearby?

Happy belated birthday for yesterday. X

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 05/05/2019 19:08

🎈🎈HAPPY BIRTHDAY🎈🎈

Wantopinions · 05/05/2019 19:16

Sounds like the perfect celebration today OP.

Happy belated birthday wishes Cake

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