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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my partner criticises what I eat?

19 replies

TigerJoy · 05/05/2019 10:19

I'm overweight. I know it. I hurt my ankle 3 years ago and put on 2.5 stone. I've been trying to lost it ever since. I've lost a stone but I'm struggling to lose more. I waver between being very disciplined and eating relatively normally (a treat would be a few squares of chocolate, not the whole bar). Anyway I'm on holiday in Italy and my DH keeps being snarky about what I eat. I had a gelato yesterday that he keeps going ok about. He just "tested" me by asking whether I wanted a gelato and I said yes but I wouldn't eat one now and he got cross. My point was gelatos are always delicious, but I wasn't about to eat one now. I have asked him before not to police what I eat as it's not helpful, I just end up feeling ashamed (and please - no diet advice. I've tried lots of different diets but my fundamental problem is lack of willpower, and I know it.) And just for the record he's a normal weight and eats like an absolute horse

OP posts:

StickyBlisteredAnus · 05/05/2019 10:21

Tell him to fuck off. He sounds like a nob

MrsDrudge · 05/05/2019 10:22

Tell him a bit of positive support would be helpful!

BigBairyHollocks · 05/05/2019 10:28

No way would I put up with this.Your husband is a dickhead.You’re one of many many people in the world who struggle with their weight,it doesn’t make you a bad person and it certainly doesn’t mean that he gets to treat you like this.Tell him to fuck off and every time he comments on your weight get up and walk away from him.Dont tolerate it.

BishopofBathandWells · 05/05/2019 10:47

I had an ankle injury and put on weight over the year I was off my feet, so I understand the feelings associated with that. My DP made the mistake once of commenting on my portion size. He claimed it was his way of trying to help. It's not a mistake he'll make again, I'll bet.

Your DP is a wanker.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 05/05/2019 10:56

Yanbu he is a wanker. He will make food become the forbidden fruit you hide.

OneStepSideways · 05/05/2019 10:58

I can see why you're annoyed, but at the same time being overweight can lead to serious health problems like diabetes, stroke, heart disease, cancer, joint problems. If he's usually caring I'd assume he just wants you to take better care of your health.

I have the opposite problem, I'm underweight and dislike eating. My DH always tells me if I'm getting too skinny or not eating enough nutrients, and reminds me of the long term effect it could have on my health. I see that as him being caring. I'm a bit of a sugar addict, and much as I hate him pointing this out, I know he's doing it because he cares. He is very focused on nutrition and healthy eating.

On holiday though, why not tell him you'll get back on track with healthy eating afterwards. Nobody wants to count calories on holiday!

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/05/2019 11:06

Agree with PPs.
Your DP is a prick!
He is going to give you a massive complex. Don't let him.
You are now 1.5 stone heavier than your pre-injury weight. For most people, this would add a few more curves. In other words, doesn't seem particularly overweight to me (don't know your measurements) but I get it's about how you view yourself.
Your lovely DP is damaging your self-esteem and mental health.
Tell your lovely DP to piss off and find a skinny chick!

Original poster

TigerJoy · 06/05/2019 16:38

Thanks all! No, i am more overweight than that - but I put on that weight when i was a size 12/14. And he dods say it because he is worried about my health. Nonetheless, it massively backfires as it just makes me feel more ashamed, and I have not found that a helpful feeling around food! We just got back from holiday and I said I was starving and he started commenting again about how I couldnt eat like on holiday, but I had a 80 calorie snack...oh well, back to the grindstone on the diet and I'll tell him to knob off!

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 06/05/2019 16:51

Tell him to fuck right off
Is he usually such a twat?

MummaGiles · 06/05/2019 16:57

Sounds like you’ve actually got about 12 stone of husband you need to lose more than anything else.

StickyBlisteredAnus · 06/05/2019 16:59

Yep! And he’s clearly never seen the ocean

Aikaterina · 06/05/2019 17:03

Why the shame? You’ve put on weight because of an injury. Fat does not mean unhealthy! You do not need to torture yourself and not eat nice things for anyone.

Tell him to fuck off. Eat a balanced diet, exercise and treat yourself occasionally. Being thin does not equal happiness

Aikaterina · 06/05/2019 17:06

Also? He is not ‘worried for your health’.

Does he not drink, smoke or eat anything unhealthy? Is he perfect and exercises every day?

We all have sone things that make us ‘unhealthy’. Maybe you should have a go at him when he does anything perceived unhealthy?

Hahaha88 · 06/05/2019 17:06

I'd have smashed his face into a gelato!

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 17:07

What? Tell him to fuck off. 'Stop policing what I eat. I'm sick of it. It's none of your business. I don't want to hear any more comments about what I eat. I'm an adult, ffs.'

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/05/2019 17:38

Wow, it’s almost as though those of us that are fat don’t know that . Unless someone asks for your opinion or help on losing weight, then keep your mouth shut.

He is being cruel. I’m sure he’ll also dress it up as concern, but what it says to you is ‘I feel like I’m being judged being with someone who dares to both be fat and eat in public’. It’s hurtful and unnecessary, and the fact that you’ve asked him not to and he’s now ruining your holiday with it speaks volumes if I’m honest.

Bambamber · 06/05/2019 18:06

There is a very big difference between having a concerned, supportive partner who encourages you to make healthier choices; and having a partner who tests you and goes on about what you eat. He is being an arse.

Going on at you and making you feel bad certainly isn't going to encourage you to eat healthier. Have you told him exactly how it makes you feel?

Original poster

TigerJoy · 06/05/2019 18:09

He is actually pretty healthy, doesn't smoke or drink.

We just had a serious chat and I've told him that getting me to feel ashamed about food is a great first step to an eating disorder.

I am overweight, I actually need to lose about 3 stone and I keep failing because I lose willpower, but also because I have the metabolism of a medieval peasant. I could live on a single potato for weeks. Literally, one nice meal when I'm dieting (I'm talking going out and eating fish and veg and then half a pudding and one glass of wine) and I will put on 5 pounds overnight that takes me a week to lose. So actually, if anyone DOES have dieting advice I could probably use it...

OP posts:

Willowkoko · 06/05/2019 18:10

I would tell him to fuck right off. YOU'RE ON HOLIDAY!! Have as many treats as you want. I hate people who shame their loves ones like that.

I’ve known slim men who eat masses of rubbish but think they are qualified to hand out dieting tips

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