To try and get an ASD / ADHD diagnosis?

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Have struggled all my life with socialising. I just can’t think of the right thing to say during conversations so either stay quiet or say something weird/inappropriate. I had no friends at school, no friends in college but 2 friends in uni when I was early 30s. I avoid socialising where I can. I have no interest in topics that people want to talk about and only have narrow topics I am interested in (paranormal, martial arts, dogs). I get obsessed with things and can sit for hours on my own simply thinking about these things.
I struggle with eye contact and when talking to people my eyes dart around the persons surroundings - back to their eyes and then off again to whatever is around then (a window, door, house, floor etc etc). I went to GP recently after a number of people in one week joked that I was weird. She has referred me for autism diagnosis but everyone around me says there is no way I’m autistic. I’ve looked at the traits myself and identify with 99% of them.

But then, I identify with ADHD too. I can’t organise, I can’t do more than one thing at once, I get bored very quickly, I fidget constantly

I was at my martial arts class last week and was told off for not making eye contact and when we had to stand still I was faffing with my uniform, touching my face ... just constantly fidgeting!!

AIBU to push ahead with the asd diagnosis and maybe look into adhd too??

I’m assuming you are female? ASD in women can be very different from ASD in men, which is the stereotype that people think of. There is no harm in pursuing a diagnosis, particularly if you notice you relate to many traits :)

well, you have been referred so that is one hurdle.
there are plenty of web sites.
curly haired girl might be useful?

I think self-diagnosis isn't the most reliable thing - it's a bit like horoscopes, reading the list of symptoms and recognising how they can all apply to you. If your GP has referred you for diagnosis then you should do it, but you should think about what difference, if any, a diagnosis will make to you. Is there something (practical or emotional) that you would hope to get from it?

A diagnosis would answer questions and explain why I’m so useless and weird

What would diagnosis add?

By definition these are neurodevelopmental difficulties. There would need to be tangible impairment in function at an early age.

If you made it through childhood/school etc without being flagged up, it’s unlikely to be severe. So what difference would a diagnosis make now?

It would add answers to my life. I’ve gone through life thinking I was just weird and couldn’t understand why I was different to everyone else. This has caused massive problems with self esteem, boundary issues, abuse and alcohol problems. The thought of being able to say “I struggle with that because I’m autistic” rather than “I struggle with that and I don’t know why, I’m just weird” is huge.

I have asd but was diagnosed younger but have a friend who was diagnosed as an adult and it definelty helped him understand himself better, so I'd recommend it.
Lots of women tend to be diagnosed later as how the present is different and can be better at masking.

I have several friends who have found getting a diagnosis helpful for exactly the reasons you state. Go for it.

If you made it through childhood/school etc without being flagged up, it’s unlikely to be severe

That's not true. Many of us (especially women) got through school by masking our difficulties. Our problems only becoming severely impacting when we're expected to cope in the real world, in employment and relationships, and when we're so knackered with wearing the mask that it starts to slip.

Are your parents still about OP? As part of the diagnosis assessment they'll be asked to complete a form, and come to the assessment if possible, as much of it will be focused on your early difficulties.

Go ahead with the diagnosis, if you are autistic you were born with it, and will always have it, if you're not then you're not.

everyone around me says there is no way I’m autistic.
You might find it more helpful not to discuss it with people who know absolutely nothing about it, particularly don't give credence to their opinions.

Did the GP mention how long it would take and what the process is? NHS services are stretched so if you're wanting an NHS adult dx, depending on where you live, it can be around 2 years from initial referral to actual diagnosis.

Benefits of a diagnosis include there being a reason why you feel different to a lot of other people and it can bring reasonable adjustments in the workplace if needed.

If you made it through childhood/school etc without being flagged up, it’s unlikely to be severe
There weren't the diagnostics available when the OP was a child and as she's academically "ok" then nothing would have been flagged at that time. Intellectual impairment is not part of the diagnostics for autism. Particularly diagnosis for girls and women as they can present very differently to boys and men.

OP is one of thousands of adult women who have struggled in certain areas through their lives and thought themselves odd or misfits who are now realising that they may be autistic. Many don't even think about it until their children are being diagnosed and realise the questions they are asked about their children also apply to them.

I'm in my early 50s and got diagnosed with ASD a few months ago. It was a very long process but I found it really helpful in helping me to understand myself. I'd really recommend going for an assessment.

They said it could take 2 years. I’ve considered going private but can’t really justify the cost unfortunately

I found it really helpful to get a diagnosis.
It helped my boss understand how to manage me too.

I did struggle during my childhood - I don't think it's helpful to say 'you made it through childhood so what's the point now' type of thing.
Firstly women are likely to mask. That hides your problems from others but it is linked with the risk of suicide so it's not sustainable.
Also girls just weren't on people's radar for ASD so we may have other labels - anxiety or BPD or bipolar and treatment for that may have made us feel worse.
I don't understand the mindset of encouraging people with ASD not to seek a diagnosis.

It is a thorough process and I did find elements distressing, but that was linked with childhood experiences so I think it was good to process them.

I don't understand the mindset of encouraging people with ASD not to seek a diagnosis

I always wonder why people do that with autism as opposed to any other condition that has to be diagnosed by medical professionals. It's as if it's seen as something trivial, believe me it really is not.

That’s the annoying thing. People say “well you’ve managed well so far, why bother about it now?” But I haven’t managed. I’ve spent my life masking, pretending to like stuff I don’t, pretending to get jokes, pretending to enjoy social gatherings ... I’ve been wiped out for days after attending a social event but I suffer in silence so nobody knows. People don’t see me get home from work and immediately strip off my uniform and lay on my bed for 10 minutes almost naked as the fabric has been driving me insane for hours. People don’t see me sat alone going over and over a previous conversation in my head wondering where I went wrong.

And the mask is starting to slip now. I’m tired, I’m bored of the bullshit. I’m older now and really can’t be arsed anymore trying to fit in and so people are starting to see the real me ... the weird one.

OP you sound exactly like me. I have wondered about asd/ADHD for a while. At first I always just thought ASD, but more recently I do identify with ADHD too.

I have always wondered whether to seek a diagnosis because I think for me it would just give an answer to why I am so weird. I've always felt like I am faking being a normal person, I know mostly what to say socially these days (not as a teen) but I'm just copying whatever I heard in the previous conversation.

People laugh when I suggest it but I am just so tired of pretending to be normal. I really think you should go for it.

If nothing else a diagnosis will help you understand yourself.