To ask you to help me with words for party invite

[TiddlesUpATree]

Have hired a sports hall for DS 4th birthday. Have list if 30 kids from nursery. Most will be starting school in September. Want to put something in the invites like no presents please, if you want to contribute to a joint present for him you could pop a coin in a card.

I don't want people spending lots and also don't want a pile of 30 boxes (if plastic tat). Also don't want to sound grabby. Wonder if it's better to say he's collecting for charity but on the other hand getting presents at the party is a big part of it for him.

Aaarrrgh. Please help.

Ask for arts and crafts stuff. You can either a) simply hand them back at the next 30 parties or b) donate them to your nearest women's shelter/ pre school/ holiday scheme.
4 is not the age to do this.imho.

At that age, getting a huge pile of tat was one of the highlights of the party for my children sadly! Personally I would not say anything on the invitation but maybe if you see some of the parents mention in person that if they’re thinking of buying a gift then perhaps money would be a nice idea to save on waste?

I'd honestly just say that no gifts are required. Your 4 year old won't understand a 'joint present', or be excited by coins in a card.

Bit rude to assume everyone will buy 'plastic tat'. I would be grateful for any gifts my child received, as would my child.

I think this is too hard on the child. One of 8/9 might understand but at 4? You could have a tantrum on your hands!
A tangent but didn't Myleene Class criticise her kids' classmates who have this routine of putting a fiver into a card instead of a present so they can buy one big present? I think it was the purchase of a desk that offended her.
That is a good idea but only if it happens at every party, not just yours.

Tbh if I saw someone asking me to donate to charity in a child’s birthday invite I’d be a bit bemused and resent being told to be charitable as if I wasn’t already. Just say “no gifts necessary”- with that id probably bring a small gift like a book

Myleene Klass even

Nobody will believe a pre-schooler has chosen to collect for charity in lieu of gifts, so just go with the flow. I imagine most who don't really know you or your child will put a fiver in a card anyway. Any presents you don't want to keep get put to one side and passed on.

Don't write anything, if people ask what he's into say books or arts/crafts. I've found people very generous and it's not all plastic tat. I told my 5 year old his party was a present and we didn't get him loads of gifts so I was happy for him to open presents from his friends

I'd let my lo have the presents. He's only 4. It will be amazing for him and the idea of saying no presents is just awful and money in a card isn't very thrilling at that age.

I understand not wanting 30 presents but honestly I don't think there's a way of wording it that doesn't come off as annoying. I've been to no present parties, donate to charity parties and just give a book parties. Every time I was a bit

That's really not the child focussed view to take here ! Presents are so
Exciting at that age it's mean to deny them that. And as a parent if I was asked for money instead on an invite I'd send nothing as it's very cheeky.

Thanks everyone. Think I will leave it blank and let people do what the normally do. You're right, he will love opening them.

I wouldn't put anything like that in the card. Let him open lots of presents, it's part of the fun of a birthday.

Just say 'gifts not necessary.' please don't mention a joint gift/collection, that's very rude and presumptuous/grabby.

Many parents will have a stock of party gifts already at home and resent adding £ to a collection.
Also at 4 the presents are part of the joy of the party.

For my DS 4th birthday (just gone) he got some really cool presents from his friends. Books, Lego, remote control cars, paw patrol lunch box, superhero’s, dinosaurs. Out of 18 presents I’d say one he didn’t have any interest in. He opened them all then we put some into the garage to keep them back for the summer months.

You are taking the fun out of it but saying no presents! And to be fair I’d turn up with one still even if you said don’t as i would feel sorry for your child. And I wouldn’t give you money

The most important part of this post is:

"Have hired a sports hall for DS's 4th birthday and getting presents at the party is a big part of it for him."

I am not trying to underplay your anxieties but accept and enjoy the present-giving process for him. You have been very generous in inviting 30 children. It sounds like the party will be amazing.

Invite: "I would be delighted if your child could join us to celebrate TiddlesUpATree junior's 4th birthday. As he is only 4, a small gift will suffice. We really look forward to seeing your child there and sharing this happy day with us. "

Thanks ItsNice. That describes perfectly what I was worrying about. Need to stop overthinking it and let him enjoy his day.

I asked people to do a charity thing instead of gifts. I couldn't care less what people thought or how I came across. DD didn't need 20 gifts at 5 years old.

We talked to her about it first, she liked the idea and was actually pretty excited with that we did for the charity.

And, it's not judgemental to say you'll end up with a lot of plastic tat. It's a reality as the majority of cheap gifts for that age group are plastic tat.

If your son was going to a party would you buy “plastic tat”? You could get a book, or crafts things, or clothing etc. I’m not sure why you assume that every other parent thinks differently to you regarding the quality of gifts.

TBH “a small gift will suffice” sounds to me like “you had better make sure you bring a gift”. If you don’t think that then I might be inclined to say something like “please don’t feel you have to bring a present, but if you do, a small gift will suffice”.

Ours turned 5 in September. A couple of weeks before his birthday one parent wrote in the invitation '£5 limit for presents please' so we did the same. He ended up with a £5 note from all but two of the kids and was delighted as he understands that paper money is worth more than coins.. he then got to pick more expensive toys that he actually wanted out of the money. And got toys as presents from family so it's not like he was missing anything.

One thing that learned about party gifts is how much he loved them . Often bought things I had never assumed he would like , sometimes duplicates which I put away to give to the next party.

Yup I really wouldn't write anything. Just let him enjoy and pick and choose what he loves and keep the rest in the present drawer. My daughter got loads of stuff I would never buy and she got quite a lot of money too.

I really wouldn't write anything. Just let it be.

I've been doing and going to these parties for years. You'll probably find people give your ds some really nice, thoughtful presents. Books, socks, t-shirts, craft things. You'll also probably get loads of £5 in cards.

You can put some of it away and get it out on a rainy day, if there's anything you really don't want, re-gift it or give it to charity.

Your ds will love getting lots of presents from his friends, and personally I don't think it's appropriate to instruct people on what to do/buy.

'Coin in his card'

Don't embarrass yourself let him enjoy presents FGS

Really selfish attitude

Some gifts may not even be 'tat'