To be panicking about ‘ruining’ my baby

[Thatsnotmyotter]

We are trying to slowly and gently wean DS off his night feeds because he is completely incapable of self-settling, I am due to go back to work very soon, and tbh I am just completely shattered. Currently DH can take DS for an hour or two in the morning (longer on his days off) so I can catch up on a little bit of sleep but this will all change when I go back to work.

Sleep training is making me feel like the most horrible, awful mother in the world though. We’re not doing cry it out or anything but I am used to no crying at all, and of course there is a level of crying when your child is used to hourly breastfeeds and you have cut them down to three hourly feeds.

I’m so worried that my smiley, happy boy (honestly everyone remarks on how happy he is ALL THE TIME, this kid does not stop giggling and smiling) is going to change because I’m doing this. I’m completely freaking out about ‘ruining’ him.

Tell me IABU and he will be fine? 😭

He will be totally fine. We did end up having to do the cry it out bit as my son had become dependant on cuddles and BF to sleep while teething. Before teething he genuinely didn’t cry, grumble when hungry but smiley after that. I had to get my DH to do the sleep training while I mostly cried as everything in me wanted to just go get my baby. My sons nickname at school was smiler! He is still a calm and smiley teenager. Don’t worry and good luck

My smiley happy baby was like a wasp when she didn't sleep, so no, you're not being U. Let him sleep.

How old is he?

Can you cosleep and feed him at night but cut down during the day in preparation for going back to work?
You might get more sleep that way?

Totally depends how old he is imo.

I basically refused to let DH do it because he settles better for me, and now several nights in I feel like changing it would be too confusing!

I’m getting so much less sleep now than I was when I could just roll over and flip a boob into his mouth. I really hope this pays off.

All you can really do is trial and error. When I went back to work I ended up cosleeping and breastfeeding because it worked well, and we all got good sleep that way. Any attempts at gentle sleep training didn't work in the slightest and crying techniques weren't for us. The weeks where we attempted things like gradual retreat etc were the weeks I went to work on 2 hours sleep, so we just binned the whole idea and went with the flow. My dc just gradually dropped night feeding over time.
I think it depends on the child and what you are trying to achieve- having a child who sleeps in a different bed from me was never a massive goal, whereas consistent good sleep was, which informed our decisions. Good luck with whatever you decide. Going back to work is daunting but never ever as bad as you think!

How old is your baby?! 4 months will be a completey different answer to 17 months for example..... have you looked up the Dr Jay Gordon method of night weaning???

Have you seen the No Cry Sleep Solution by e Pantly?

Thank you @Absofrigginlootly for mentioning the Dr Jay method. I'm following this thread with interest as we're in a similar situation so I'm glad to have come across this.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
for anyone else who is interested.