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Original poster

Help me write an invite that isn't grabby or awkward...

27 replies

bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 21:15

Hi MN, I need your collective wisdom. DC is having a joint birthday party with a classmate. We'd like to invite a couple of people that the classmate doesn't know, but my DC is good friends with (the classmate is similarly inviting a few people we don't know). How do I phrase the joint birthday invite I will send to them?

I don't want these friends to feel awkward that they won't know the other child or to feel that they have to bring two presents. So I'd like to say in my invite 'no need to bring a present to the other child', but this sounds a bit grabby as it kind of implies that I expect them to bring a gift to us (I don't mind if they turn up with no gifts at all but of course I know this is unlikely to happen).

I composed this message: 'Hi [friends], DC will be having a joint birthday party with one of her classmates, [Name], at [place/date/time] and we'd love to invite you. Please let us know by (date) if you can come. I know you won't know Classmate, but DC would love you to be there. Also, just to say that we are not expecting guests to bring gifts to both children (or any gifts at all ), we just want to see you there! Hope you can make it.'

Does this sound ok? Can I improve it at all? I'm usually articulate but this one text invite has left me baffled and I want to get it right! Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 21:16

PS If any of my friends recognise me from the above message... hello! Come to the party and no need for any gifts Grin Blush

OP posts:
EskeewdBeef · 04/05/2019 21:17

Don't mention it's a joint party. Just send a standard invitation from your son.

SpeedyBojangles · 04/05/2019 21:19

Yep, what PP said. Just wrote the invite from your DC and don't mention the other child. There really is no need if they don't know him/her.

Original poster
bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 21:20

I hadn't thought of that... if say I had sent you a standard birthday invite and when you arrived you realised it was a joint birthday party, would it have bothered you? Thanks!

OP posts:
trilbydoll · 04/05/2019 21:21

Or just invite them to X's party and don't necessarily mention it's joint?

You could leave saying it's joint until they rsvp. Then it's just to let them know for information.

RippleEffects · 04/05/2019 21:21

Divide up them common friends and make each invite from just one child, then it's one present.

We have twins in the family who often have a joint party but they each choose their own guest list and the invite comes from one child. Some people buy two gifts but most buy for the child who has sent the invite.

Invites say something like were have a party to celebrate Fred and Gingers 8th birthday. Fred would like to invite Sam as his guest.

Original poster
bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 21:22

Thank you SpeedyBojangles and EskeewdBeef

OP posts:
Original poster
bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 21:25

You could leave saying it's joint until they rsvp

Thank you trilbydoll I think I'll do that.

OP posts:
Mumofone1593 · 04/05/2019 21:29

Please don't write the invite as though it isn't a joint party! This happened to me on Saturday! I was the only one who didn't know it was a joint party and sat while they opened all gifts from everyone together until me, it was so awkward and I was so upset my friend didn't warn me as I could have bought something small for the other girl!

SpeedyBojangles · 04/05/2019 21:33

Mumofone

I think it's pretty unusual to open presents at a child's party. I've never experienced that and I've been to a LOT of kids parties.

I wouldn't be bothered not knowing it was joint if I didn't know the other child, and I wouldn't feel bad if I didn't get them anything for that very reason.

Quartz2208 · 04/05/2019 21:48

When DS has a joint party they invited around 20 joint and then 2 or 3 each. I think a couple asked and we reassured them that only for the one they knew

Orangedaisy · 04/05/2019 21:51

DD went to one which was joint once and we’d just had the invitation from the one we knew, as had most people. We had no idea it was joint until we arrived, only had one present. Was no issue at all.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 04/05/2019 21:54

You invite from both and don’t mention gifts.

Oriunda · 04/05/2019 21:55

Joint parties are the norm round our way if your children share similar birthdates and interests in the same class. I’ve done two - and usually invite some friends outside of our class. They just turn up with a gift for my son. Same goes for other boy. If my son goes to a joint party where he’s been invited by just one of the children, he only takes a gift for that child.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 04/05/2019 21:57

My son had a joint party, I just sent mutual friends an invite from both and those that just knew my son one from him. They had a cake each and presents went home with the relevant birthday boy. No drama no issue

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2019 22:06

As parents of both children you should agree to the same wording. Something along the lines of: “Jay would like to invite you to Jay and Oliver’s party”. This way people can decide whether or not to get a present for Oliver.

Not much more to be added apart from date, time and venue.

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 04/05/2019 22:07

Iv had joint parties for my own children. I didn’t mention it was a joint party on them. My Dd invited her friends and ds his. The only people that brought gifts for both were family or friends that knew both children.

livinglongerwithcalgon · 04/05/2019 22:13

I agree with stating it’s a joint party, but keep it simple - for example (I’ve edited your original text):

‘Hi [friends], DC will be having a joint birthday party with one of her classmates, [Name], at [place/date/time] and we'd love to invite you. Please let us know by (date) if you can come. Hope you can make it.'

There’s no need to mention gifts, it just lets people know that it’s a joint person and who the other birthday child is in relation to your child. In Reception DC1 got invited to a joint birthday party, it was the first term and he hadn’t been at the nursery so classmates were all new to us. I don’t do the school run regularly so was still very unfamiliar with other children. As a result I knew one of the birthday children was in his class, but I had no idea if the other child was in the same class (DC1 was non verbal at the time and couldn’t verify for me!). Everyone else knew each other better because of nursery and I was too embarrassed to ask who the other child was. Ended up buying a gift for a child that turned out, didn’t even attend the same school Grin the two families were friends and we had to leave the party early, so I can only guess this girl got a gift signed from DC1 and promptly thought, “Who?!”.

Anyway, telling people makes it clearer for all involved Grin No need to say anything more.

TriciaH87 · 04/05/2019 22:14

Why not put dd would like to invite you to her birthday party...... Casually mention on reverse dd is sharing her party with a friend as their birthdays are close. We hope to see you their. Don't mention gender or name of other child which will mean only parents who want to treat both children will ask for details of other child or you could simply put gifts are not expected your time would be splendid.

Everydaypeople · 04/05/2019 22:18

I would mention it’s a joint party but please don’t put anything on the invite about gifts at all to either child.

YemenRoadYemen · 04/05/2019 22:22

I bet you feel none the wiser as a result of the varied responses to this thread, OP!! Grin

If my DC were invited to a joint party, I'd definitely feel obliged to buy the other child something, regardless of whether I knew them or not.

If you didn't mention it, and I arrived to discover it was joint, like Mumofone, I'd feel remiss, and therefore awkward.

I think you do need to leave it quite vague, make people aware, and they can do what they like. Many people will not feel obliged to get the other DC a gift and that's fine.

I very much get the wanting to make it clear that gifts for the other child aren't expected, but I just think you can't actually come out and say that.

woodcutbirds · 04/05/2019 22:26

I'd write

X and Y are having a joint party. You are being invited as X's guest. Hope you can make it.
Usual info.

That makes it clear that it's a specific invite. Then if people want to buy presents for both or one or none, it's up to them.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/05/2019 22:31

X and Y are having a joint birthday:

Details

We would love for you to come as a guest of X.
RSVP.....

MashPotatoMashPotato · 04/05/2019 22:36

You don’t need to put it on the invite.

My children went to a party a few months ago, when we got there we realised it was a joint party with the little boy’s cousin. We know her too and are friend’s with her parent’s, but we were invited to the little one who is closest in age to our children. I only felt slightly awkward as we know them and are friend’s with them. If it’d been a random child I wouldn’t have cared about not getting them something if I didn’t know it was a joint party beforehand. I think putting it on the invite does make it feel like you need 2 presents.

Original poster
bexchansfan · 04/05/2019 22:46

Thank you YemenRoadYemen for summarising my confusion ConfusedGrin. I like your point that people will do what they like re. presents and to just keep it vague. Oh, and your username made me chuckle, thanks!

OP posts: