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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't cope with my 15 month old

18 replies

Mumofone1593 · 04/05/2019 21:08

I am disabled and I didn't know how hard this could be.

He has gone from two naps to one which means I hardly get anytime to do the house.

I work evenings and have him all day. He is climbing everywhere and screams if I try to stop him climbing or being naughty.

My husband tries to help but our son doesn't like him if I'm around. He has to physically go out the house which isn't really a long term option as they can't just stay at the park so I can rest!

This week I worked every evening and I am so overwhelmed. I wake-up to baby then go to work, then go to bed. I honestly can't cope much more.

My husband gets upset when I say I am depressed as he says he is trying his best. I just don't know what to do. Him going nursery would fix everything but it is only £1 less than my wages a hour so I would be working for no reason which we can't afford.

We don't have parents and our siblings all work full time. My friends work and don't have kids. No one can help me. What do I do?

I don't want to go to the doctor's as it is situational depression caused by my son and so I don't really want to go on medication.

What can I do?

OP posts:

Mythreefavouritethings · 04/05/2019 21:43

I would see your doctor and start the ball rolling. It’s hard enough without your additional issues thrown in. Don’t try to do this on your own. There is support out there.

TheCouncilDestroyedMyWall · 04/05/2019 21:46

Nursery may be expensive, but once a week for a day, or two half days may save your sanity. You can get other things done then, so you're not as stressed when you do have him to look after?
You may be able to get help with childcare if you have low wages, and there's the tax free childcare, which saves 20% on the cost.

Tinyteatime · 04/05/2019 21:46

Can you put him in nursery for a couple days per week? Working evenings as well as doing all the childcare in the day sounds incredibly full on OP. I wouldn’t cope with that and I’m not disabled.

bridgetreilly · 04/05/2019 21:49

My husband tries to help but our son doesn't like him if I'm around.

I know this is tough but your son can't be dictating who he wants to do things at this stage. He needs to learn that he can't always choose to have you.

kaytee87 · 04/05/2019 21:51

They obviously can't stay at the park for hours but what about swimming / soft play / days out etc? How often is your DH working?
Does DS get out to any toddler groups etc? Are you able to get out somewhere with him every day?
I find DS is much better when we're in a routine of out at toddler group / activity in the morning then home for lunch & nap then afternoon play in house/garden/local park.

tastylancs · 04/05/2019 21:53

Oh I really feel for you OP. Forget the terrible twos I think 15-18 months is the hardest age for boys. They just don't stop moving and climbing and eating stock cubes (or was that just mine). It's hideous no matter how much you love them. I felt like that and mine was in nursery two says a week at that age so I could breathe a bit. I honestly don't know you're doing it - you need some help. But where from.... maybe you can start with asking your GP or health visitor where you can get help with him. You're right - you don't need medication you just need a bit of time every week so you can focus on yourself and recharge your batteries.

He gets free nursery hours from two is that right? I'd look around places and book him in, get a start date so you can put it in your diary. In red. With a big smiley face. 😁

converseandjeans · 04/05/2019 21:55

Have you tried childminder? They can be cheaper than nursery.
Sounds difficult. It does get easier

Tinyteatime · 04/05/2019 22:07

Whoops sorry I totally missed the sentence where you said that nursery isn’t affordable. In our town there is a family support worker who will help parents who are struggling with their mental health. This can be anything from holding baby whilst mum showers to just a coffee and chat to parenting advice. Might it be worth finding out if you have a similar scheme? HV would be able to let you know.

stucknoue · 04/05/2019 22:08

Check whether you qualify for any help with nursery costs, could you manage one day a week or two half days? It is hard at that age, mine didn't nap much at all, or sleep through the night, permanently feeling exhausted was the default position

Notashandyta · 04/05/2019 22:09

This age is truly crap. Yes, they're cute but yes, they're a royal pain in the ass, especially boys. It will get easier. Lower your standards for now and hang in there x

Original poster

Mumofone1593 · 04/05/2019 22:13

I'm not sure if we are entitled to nursery at 2. I don't know the exact amount, I work 20 hours so only 4 a night usually which doesn't sound much but it just takes the evening where my son is asleep and I could be cleaning/sleeping. I get in at either 9 or 10 and go straight to bed! On the days I work full weekend days I feel like a new person! And during that time my baby is fine with my husband.

I have asked a local mums group and got the diary out, planning an activity for him a day to keep him busy. The only issue is going out and doing things is so tiring for me that by the time work comes around I'm drained.

There's a phone number for disabled people allowance, I've just googled in bed, so might call them and see if I can get any vouchers for childcare to give me a break? My doctor thinks I should quit work but I just don't want to, it's not a nice job but I like the people and having my own money.

I just want to cry, baby and husband are snoring away and I'm just lying here in pain from another day of basically being a alone. I do see my husband trying to help and getting upset at our son screaming when he's around. It's gotten so bad that if my husband is near me and our son, he screams as he thinks he will take him off me. I know it must hurt to have your son not want you but my husbands solution is to shrug his shoulders and sit and play on his phone. So I'm there in pain, lying on the floor trying to entertain the baby while he just lives his pre baby life of games consoles and adult TV!

OP posts:

DizzyPhillips · 04/05/2019 22:14

I feel for you. My DD2 is 22 months. She’s hilarious, affectionate and gorgeous but oh my god she never stops. She is the most strong willed child I have ever met and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with her I could walk away.

Leeds2 · 04/05/2019 22:17

I would probably try and get DS into a childminder for a day, or couple of mornings, a week. That might be more manageable financially, and give you a break to sleep, or do housework if you must.
Also, your DH and DS need to get used to being alone together in the house, without having to go out. Or, would you welcome a couple of hours at Starbucks/cinema etc by yourself, whilst they stay at home?

NuffSaidSam · 04/05/2019 22:19

Get a cleaner. Stop worrying about the house.

Try and find some part time childcare. A mother's help or babysitter is probably all you need if you are home. You could pay a responsible teenager to play with DS for a couple of hours each afternoon. It doesn't have to be full time nursery or nothing.

Your DS must get used to your DH looking after him. Go upstairs and chill while DH looks after DS downstairs.

15 months is a really hard age. They've got the brain of a baby in the body of a toddler. It will get easier fairly soon (although it probably doesn't feel that soon when in the midst of it!)

SleepingStandingUp · 04/05/2019 22:20

You need to be more direct with him OP. If you're both there, go upstairs. Slam the front door on your way past and yell bye if it helps. Headphones one and ignore.

Walnutwhipster · 04/05/2019 22:30

Do you get PIP? Could you apply and uuse some of the care component to pay for a day in nursery?

ReganSomerset · 04/05/2019 22:38

You've got to try to stop him climbing and being naughty. Comfort him when he does, because it's hard not to get your own way when you're really not much more than a baby, but he's got to learn that screaming doesn't get him his own way.

Yinderling · 04/05/2019 22:47

Could you afford a cleaner for 2 hours a week? Or every other week? I feel your pain I have a long-term health condition and had three little ones. getting out the house as much as possible saved me and meant less mess in the house! (Ps I never got a cleaner but woukd have loved to)

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