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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this just not that big a deal?

31 replies

Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:14

I admit I am in a bit of a dark place at the moment, DP and I are separating and I am currently in temporary accommodation with the kids, but this has been playing round in my head for a while!

Went to the garage yesterday to get a treat for the kids before a long journey. Even though it was quiet it took a while to get served as the cashier was very chatty. Not a problem but did mean I had to keep catching DS (4) as he was getting fidgety.

My turn, put my basket up and man starts to put it through, only about 10 things. Glance at DS as he is playing with the sweets handily placed at his eye level, but was quite distracted as I was a bit worried about getting the shopping back to the car as I am disabled and walk with a stick.

As I paid another customer in the queue said loudly, “Have you ever worked in a shop?” I looked at her a bit confused. She said “Because if you did, you would know how annoying it is to have children messing around with the stock.”

I looked down and saw that DS had moved a few packets of fruit pastilles onto another packet of sweets while I was paying. I muttered an apology, but it really upset me that she felt the need to publicly criticise me over something so small.

I actually have worked in shops, although not for a while. A clothes shop, and also a shoe shop. I frequently had to straighten / rearrange stock people had moved, tried on, put back in the wrong place. It was part of the job, didn’t bother me in the slightest. AIBU?

OP posts:
Greenyogagirl · 04/05/2019 18:17

YANBU how does she know you wouldn’t put them back in the right place?
My sons always doing it, whenever I go co op he starts organising stock and stacking shelves Blush luckily he’s well known and liked!

GruciusMalfoy · 04/05/2019 18:17

It's not a huge deal, I'd have stopped mine doing it because I don't think it's very nice to be touching things we have no intention of buying, especially food items. I wouldn't take it upon myself to bring it up to another parent if their child was doing it. Not my place.

Siameasy · 04/05/2019 18:17

Yeah that would piss me off too, speaking to you as if you were a child. Adults muck about with stock too, leave perishable items in random places all sorts. What a patronising person! However you may be told on here that you were U to let your child touch anything in a shop.

Illy603 · 04/05/2019 18:17

Oh my, what an absolute horror that your son moved a couple of packets of sweets!!!
She sounds like a fun person.

YANBU and it couldn’t be less of a big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️

NuffSaidSam · 04/05/2019 18:18

YANBU

Obviously it's not absolutely ideal and if you had seen him doing it you would have told him to stop and put them back in the right place.

But in the grand scheme of things no, a child moving a couple of packets of sweets to a slightly different place on the sweet shelf is not a big deal.

Arnoldthecat · 04/05/2019 18:20

sounds like a bully..

BetsyBigNose · 04/05/2019 18:21

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to tell you to "Control your children!", but quite honestly, you've got such a lot on your plate, I wouldn't give it another moments thought if I were you.

At any other time in your life, no doubt you would have had the energy and focus to keep him occupied whilst putting your shopping through, but right now you can be forgiven for perhaps not paying as much attention as you might usually have done - it's not like he put the sweets in his pockets, is it?!

Be kind to yourself and don't pay attention to the ramblings of some random woman in a shop, who you're never likely to see again.

Flowers I hope things get much better for you very soon.

BogglesGoggles · 04/05/2019 18:25

I would have responded ‘have you? If you did you would know that holding up a line with slow service, particularly when children are in that line, is just poor work ethic’ and flounced the fuck off. I’m all for being a pleasant and good person but sometimes it’s really not that easy when others don’t do the same.

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:27

The thing is it was just in a few seconds while I was distracted. He is very prone to tantrums at the moment and I just made a split second decision to deal with it after I paid.

I cried all the way home and the kids both ended up in tears too. Sad Blush

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 04/05/2019 18:31

Ignore you have enough to deal with .

My son was still is a touched he is 12 now and can go to the shop himself but still will fiddle with things around him

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2019 18:33

Your reaction is the most concerning thing about this.

What can you do to learn some resilience? She was just some twat and it wasn't a big deal, so how come all of you ended in tears?

Marvelendgame · 04/05/2019 18:35

Yanbu, it's also understandable that you'd feel so sensitive with all you've got going on Thanks

Yes ok, we should make our children behave in shops, but do you know what, shopping with kids can be fucking hard. Mine like to pick stuff up and I'm constantly having to stop and tell them to stop touching.

Shops don't make it any easier when they put all the sweets at the tills. I hate it and is why I much prefer Aldi because they don't seem to do it.

Siameasy · 04/05/2019 18:35

To be fair Bluntness the OP has stated that they are having a shit time at the moment and it was probably the final straw

Marvelendgame · 04/05/2019 18:37

Bluntness she's sad she in a dark place.

I doubt learning resilience is top of her list of priorities right now.

How about others learn to show some kindness and compassion?

BeanoBrown · 04/05/2019 18:38

YANBU the lady was cheeky and unkind saying anything to you. It was a small petty thing and if she was so bothered by it she could have moved the sweets back on her turn.

Try not to give it anymore of your head room, you sound like you have enough going on. Don't let some random person dent your self esteem.

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:38

Bluntness, because I am escaping a controlling relationship, left home with the kids 6 weeks ago and have been living in a suitcase ever since while trying to pretend to the kids that our urban nomadic lifestyle is actually fun?

OP posts:
Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 04/05/2019 18:39

ooohhh Bears , yanbu! You should have told her he's just keeping moany old bat like her in a job . Give her something to do at work !

Passthecherrycoke · 04/05/2019 18:39

The woman sounds like a rude bully

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:41

Thanks everyone. The last few weeks have been a really confusing time and I am finding it really hard to trust my own judgement!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:43

It wasn’t the cashier, just another customer in the queue.

OP posts:
Cyberworrier · 04/05/2019 18:45

You poor thing. Sounds like random person being critical and confrontational just pushed you over the edge. Be thankful you are not the kind of person who goes around picking faults (or fights) with strangers and try to forget about. It would have upset me too.

Maybe you can tell children you were feeling tired and the lady upset you by speaking to you in an unkind manner- turn it into a lesson about being understanding to others (or at least don’t be rude as it can hurt others!)

In the meantime, I hope you have family/friends around you can talk to and also that you get some time for yourself to recharge your batteries as it were.

Marvelendgame · 04/05/2019 18:48

Bearsinmotion, honestly don't give it another thought. Some people are just busy bodies and can't help sticking their noses in.

You're probably going to get people come on this thread telling you to control your child in a minute, but it's no big deal.

When I was heavily pregnant with ds2, my ds1 broke something in a shop (a glass). It was my fault, I was distracted, but it happened in a split second, ds1 was mortified and burst into tears, two female assistant rushed over to sweep up and check that ds was ok. I couldn't apologise more and offered to pay but they said honestly please don't worry they were more worried ds hadn't cut himself. Basically there was a glass had been put in the wrong place, ds was touching and had knocked it down.

I got to the checkout to pay, and a male assistant stormed over and had a real go at me, said I wasn't watching ds and how he was treating the shop like a toy shop (he wasn't), I apologised again but he kept on and on in front of everyone. He said I'd have to pay, I felt absolutely terrible, I was so stunned I paid for the item.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/05/2019 18:50

Really? Shocking? Two words I learned to say in my dark times to strangers who judged me even if it didn't make total sense it gave my mouth something to do although I did say "oh piss off please" to someone once they glared at me lady next to me said well to be fair she did say please Blush

Original poster
Bearsinmotion · 04/05/2019 18:50

That’s pretty much what I said Cyberworrier, that mummy was very tired and the lady wasn’t kind. They cheered up when I pointed out they still had their treats!

OP posts:
Taffeta · 04/05/2019 18:51

Thank goodness you never have to see that person again

It's their issue, not yours

Not surprised you were so upset, prob the final straw

Be kind to yourself op Flowers