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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really love my postnatal body?

18 replies

DCIRozHuntley · 04/05/2019 13:34

I mean, it's done me proud. I've delivered ans breastfed 3 children to toddlerhood and am nursing my last baby now. I'm only about 10lbs heavier than when I started and have a healthy BMI. Perhaps some of the changes would have happened as I've got older anyway (7 years between eldest and youngest DC)

But no matter how much I know, rationally, I should love my tiger stripes and embrace my wobbly tum "new postnatal curves" Hmm, I just feel lumpy and misshapen with matronly boobs and a permanently thickened waist.

I know DC is still little (a couple of months old) and I know breastfeeding needs me to nourish my body rather than focus on how I look, I know what I'd say (and have said!) to friends and that I should be equally kind to myself, but Christ, where's that 23 year old gone!

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 04/05/2019 13:41

YANBU. I went overdue with DC2 and got stretch marks after my due date (none with DC1). I feel like I got so close! I weigh about 14kg more than before both DCs and 10kg more than before DC2. I feel its going to be hard to shift and even if I do, I will still be a different shape. I think all this but then still reach for the chocolate! Healthy eating and exercise are tough when looking after little ones and being sleep deprived.

ambereeree · 04/05/2019 13:46

I don't think anybody really does. Unless you've gone the other extreme and have a better body after through exercise.

StyleOfTheTimes · 04/05/2019 13:48

No you’re not. My dd is 12 weeks old and I hate how I look. I’m amazed that my body carried and nurtured her and my breasts fed her for 5 weeks until we had to stop but I feel disgusting. My tummy is wobbly, boobs have lots of excess skin, thighs are much bigger and I got stretch marks under my tummy which are still bright red and purple. I’m working on myself esteem as well as trying to eat healthy and work out gently. Try not to be to hard on yourself

LashesZ · 04/05/2019 13:53

I get what you mean. I've just finished breastfeeding so decided it's time to diet but I know my shape has changed. My A cup boobs went to a C when feeding but have sadly shrunken back down and now become saggy! Thinking this could be better being in my mid 20s Sad

Waveysnail · 04/05/2019 14:34

Later and 3rd baby destroyed my body. Bounced back fine after first two with no apron, stretch marks or sags. Third one gave me stretch marks, apron, wobbly stomach and falling boobs but I wouldnt be without him

Siameasy · 04/05/2019 15:18

Yanbu
I wasn’t particularly keen either. It’s early days for you tho. Later on you can focus on getting fit or whatever you fancy.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/05/2019 15:30

YANBU. I'm 6 months postpartum with baby no 2. I lost the weight very quickly this time (took me ages after DC1) so everyone has been telling me how good I look but they wouldn't say that if they saw me without any clothes on! My boobs are saggy, my stomach is wobbly and I have a delightful apron, I also have stretch marks. Although I can fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes they just don't look right anymore. Now when I'm shopping for clothes I find I'm focused on choosing things that will cover my problem areas rather than choosing things I like.

Ratatatouille · 04/05/2019 15:40

You’re not alone. I’m almost three years pp and I look like a person shaped candle that’s started to melt.

I am on a weight loss mission which is definitely helping and I think eventually I will look perfectly fine, nice even 🤞🏼, in clothes but there is no way I will ever get rid of the stretch marks, loose skin and separated abs without surgery. I am not prepared to take the risk of leaving my DC without a mum to fix a cosmetic issue so I just have to come to terms with it. It's going to take some doing but I'll get there because I know I am so blessed in so many other ways. Positive thinking and perspective is the answer I think. Not always easy though.

Something that does help is that DD often tells me "I love your wobbly tummy" which used to upset me but actually I know she's telling the truth because she just isn't old enough to lie like that. It's made me realise that whilst my body isn't going to win me Miss World, it is absolutely awesome at playing, cuddling, carrying, and all the things my kids need most from me.

likeafishneedsabike · 04/05/2019 15:41

Don’t worry. I’m sure you look great anyway, but once you’re out of breastfeeding and the baby phase you can do a wholesale exercise regime if that’s what you fancy. Loads of middle aged mums I know have better figures than in their twenties thanks to healthy lifestyle.

Unicornshopkeeper · 04/05/2019 15:43

I look like Thor in End Game 12 months pp with DC3. Not cool

Scanon · 04/05/2019 15:45

It's a right battering to the self esteem, isn't it? You lose your freedom, free time and your entire sense of physical self changes. Plus, if you're bf, you have to change the clothes you wear to accommodate feeding. I had my 4th baby last year and am really feeling this.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/05/2019 15:51

You lose your freedom, free time and your entire sense of physical self changes

Nail on the head. The physical changes would probably be much easier to accept if they weren't accompanied by emotional and hormonal changes as well.

HoustonBess · 04/05/2019 15:51

I think it's worth considerjng that gravity claims you whether you have kids or not, no one can stay 20 forever.

Kids might accelerate the process but in 10 or 20 years time you'll look back at yourself now and wonder what you fretted about.

In short, I get where you're coming from but life's too short to get too hung up on it.

gorgeousgeorgian · 04/05/2019 15:57

You get used to it - the sleep deprivation doesn’t help perspective. I try and care for my body rather than only thinking about how it looks these days so I can be well to enjoy my children and grand children.

I mostly only feel slightly cross these days that men don’t have to worry about boob sag.
Nobody cares about ball sag...

Hedgehogblues · 04/05/2019 17:54

I love my post partum body. I'm so proud of it. It made and carried a child when the doctors said that would never happen. I also have a history of sexual abuse and having my body do something so beautiful, powerful, and life changing, has really helped me heal from that.

Laiste · 04/05/2019 18:22

YANBU.

However! Can i add a dose of hope? I've got 4 DCs aged from 5 to 25. IME a body will slowly bounce back to a certain extent given quite a minimal bit of help. Keep your weight to roughly where it should be and just keep the energy levels up. I was never going to be a super model with GG boobs and i am lucky to have avoided too many stretch marks - but the tummy and the waist - they have slowly gone back ok each time. Give it a few years.

Play the long game. Understand it's not just young post baby bodies - the older you get the longer it takes to lose weight baby or not but it's not hopeless.

Itsnotmesothere · 04/05/2019 18:46

YANBU. I miss my pre-baby fanny.

Indie139 · 05/05/2019 15:39

Yanbu. I had my daughter at 18 and have loads of stretchmarks and loose skin in ky stomach area. Ive never been able to wear a bikini and when i see it in the mirror i just think of how bad it looks. Spent hours researching how to improve it but will cost alot of money for either tummy tuck or skin tightening procedures (exercises and toning wont help as skin has lost elasticity). I get quite jealous of people who have children and not a single stretch mark or piece of loose skin in sight :(

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