Grandparent capitalising dd's last name.

[mommabear007]

My dd and ds see their grandparent every fortnight in contact centre and she got dd and ds both a little bag each with clothing and a book inside. However I noticed she wrote their names inside the bags, not a big deal but she wrote dd's last name in full capitol letters and ds's last name normal with just the first letter capitalised.

For example ds's name was written as

John Smith while ds's was Wendy DARLING

Grandparent and dd share the same last name while ds has mine. AIBU to find this a little odd as I don't see why they needed to write dd's last name in all capitals?

You could try ASKING her why SHE does IT.

(sorry... Couldn't resist! )

Seems a wee bit odd, and could be that she is trying to make a (stupid) point. But yeah, ask her why she does it.

I always do this if writing my name, and especially if I write the children's names on anything as DS has a very common first name but a very uncommon surname so it makes sense to me to draw attention to the surname as that is most likely the way his stuff will find its way back to him.

I wouldn't have even noticed this. Don't waste anymore time thinking about such an insignificant thing

Only you know whether she's a petty, passive-aggressive kind of person. I would imagine that it was an accident.

I remember my stepmother once getting very irate because in her birthday card I had written 'Love from Beef' but in my father's from a few months before I had written 'Lots of love from Beef' . Her noticing said a lot more about her than it did about me.

I woudl say she is trying to tell you something...sounds like the dd is from the first marriage and your son is from her son's 2nd marriage, maybe some underlying resentment. WHy do they have to meet in a contact centre?

There’s a massive back story here isn’t there?

She's definitely trying to make a point.
MIL does this with me all the time. I didn't change my name when I got married, but she constantly writes Steve Dowling and not Steve Oskowski.
She got really pissed off with me recently when DH's cousin sent a wedding invite to Frank and Steve Dowling. I sent back a reply that Frank Dowling and Steve Oskowski would be unable to attend (nothing to do with the names, we were away when the wedding was on)

MIL was seriously pissed off when DH's (shit stirring) aunt showed her the reply card

It is odd. Only they know why.
If it starts to bother you, replace the bag(s), and mark them yourself.

Cock up rather than conspiracy unless proved otherwise. Accidentally wrote the first two letters in capitals so carried on. Wrote the first in lower case then thought that capitals would be clearer and easier to spot.

There's clearly a massive backstory if these people can only have supervised contact in a centre.

I'd assume she's making a point though.

Not clear who is related and how, why your kids have different names if both related to gm and you

Clearly there’s a back story we are not privy to.given meeting in contact centre

I'm guessing here, but is this roughly the situation;

-you and your ex had a baby, who has your surname
-after you got married, you had another baby, who has his surname
-your ex MIL has always hated the first child's surname

Is that about it? If so, then she probably is making a point. She's probably also resentful about having to use a contact centre and if scoring petty points makes her feel better, then let her crack on. Or if you like, enjoy the fact that the surname thing annoys her. I think I'd also be quite glad that she's restricted to a contact centre, is the contact court ordered?

Seems a bit odd. I think she is making a point, but I suggest best to rise above it and not respond

You're lucky. My MiL still addresses me as Mrs [Husband'sSurname]. The double-barrelled surname used by DC - always styled as Husband'sSurname only, despite repeated requests from DH that this should stop. Bless her heart. Maybe there's a point she's trying to make, but continually addressing us by inaccurate surnames doesn't make them any less inaccurate.

It's mildly amusing. Perhaps one day she'll grow up; who knows? In the meantime her angst isn't my problem and I quietly laugh up my sleeve.

It seems a very common piece of kit in the irritating grandparents' arsenal, OP. I wouldn't give this the headspace it doesn't deserve (and this will irritate them FAR more)!

Don’t jump to conclusions. My mum used to randomly use capitals as opposed to lower case randomly

Wrote it one way then forgot when she wrote the other? Wrote is one way then preferred the other way? Don't read too much into this!

I've done this with my dc-done 2 one way and the third the other way. I then look at it and think "bother, I meant to capitalise the surname" (or not).
They've all the same surname, so if I can do it with the same it could easily be no meaning to do it when they're different.

She bought them both an equal gift. I wouldnt stress about it.
Probably just more used to writing one than the other.
Smile, be grateful, let it go

It’s perfectly normal in many countries to capitalise surname. Some people write family name first and others write given name first, so this helps distinguish, especially in some cultures where some names (eg Patrick) could be either given or family name.

Passive aggressive dig about surnames is my guess. Obviously a back story here as to why they’re meeting in a contact centre but I’m as bad so I’d cross it out and do it in lower case.